Jack Monroe #541 First do no honk

[Valiofthedolls]

I’m still dying at her saying this in her stupid-ass dating profile post (the photo is from different time, I just chose a suitable favourite to illustrate it)

Yeah, and as forensically, diligently and perpendicularly documented by @traumatised sideboard in the Jacktionary on page 6 of the Wiki you almost certainly should not, you fucking Braincell-Challenged Charlatan.

Spoiler: The true story behind that pic

it’s true, she wore that (and Princess Anne’s third lady in waiting’s spare hairdo) to meet her Bestie shoe doppelgänger Treeeesa at Treeeeesa’s place.

and showed us her legs and Treeeeesa shoes for some unfathomable (attention seeking) reason.

Legs from @Marmalade Atkins rest of Terminator Jack from @Peachy9

Jack Monroe: Never Knowingly Appropriately Dressed. (Never actually appropriately dressed either, to be fair)

 

[Lazarus]

It says everything you need to know about her that she considers:
A) benefit claimants to be tracksuit wearing Jeremy Kyle fans
B) leather jackets to be a sign of a butch woman

She’s a fuddy duddy trapped in a young woman’s body.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

I’m sorry but this is hilarious. I don’t even think it’s a case of over exuberant “portrait mode”, either. I can’t decide what’s worse though - facetuning everyone in a group photo or only doing yourself so everyone else looks rough.

She has facetuned the sky and a washing machine before.

 

[MurielSnark]

Ah that makes a lot of sense! I was curious myself too as I really need to dial down the spending and get confused when labels change (#ADHD gormlessness)

It's nigh on impossible to shop in a way that finds all the best prices and beats the supermarkets -- a lot of their game is befuddling the consumer. So, prices may stay the same but packages shrink in size. Or they'll have a value range but the number of products available will vary or decrease, or they'll suddenly rebrand it so you can't find it anymore.

My mum was a very good household manager and she taught me a couple of things which stand me in good stead:
1. Anything that's on display at the end of the aisle or near the checkout are probably not good value. The store is literally flooding you with those products.
2. Always look at the products stocked either low or high on the shelf because everything that's at eye level is likely the one the shop wants you to buy.
3. Bulk buy if you can, but only if you will use the stuff before it's out of date and you have space for it.
4. Don't look at the price tag but the price by weight. Because that helps you figure out what's lowest price, even though the packages of different brands might also be different sizes.
Look for pasta, for eg, and Barilla will be £0.60/100g and Sainsbury's Own will be £0.40/100g.
It's hard work, initially, but you get used to it and it works both in the shop and online.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

I want to say something. I feel so strongly about this.

I don't have a degree as I unfortunately dropped out of university but I know how hard it is to a) get there in the first place; b) navigate all the academic systems and institutional rigmarole; c) cope with the social aspect, being away from home, managing budgets etc; d) doing the actual coursework and submitting work to deadlines with the all the correct research, references, quotes etc. Not to mention the costs and the vast student loans youngsters and mature students are being landed with.

Anyway I'm outraged that in any civilised country a liar and scammer should have been awarded an honourary qualification, not even one but two. It is now clear that her 'work' has been nothing but a grift. And for what? For thin air! I believe she should be stripped of these awards and I would like us to lobby the universities. How do we go about this? Maybe we can all plan a letter together that we can cut and paste and email from our own personal names and addresses. Honestly, it's a scandal.

She's a disgrace to the middle class that she comes from and she's undermined and mocked the working classes (that I come from). Shouldn't all those fuzzy lefty guardian readers knitting yoghurt and helping the poor people actually be as outraged as I am!?!

She made it far worse by acting like she received actual degrees rather than being honored by the universities. Using the "Dr" title and referring to a "graduation photo" are just two ways I can remember off the top of my head. Have never, ever, seen anyone make such a fool of themselves as she did over the honorary degrees and in the process removing any dignity whatsoever.

 

[TheBarchesterChronicles]

In Jack’s own words, you too could possibly afford to spend the change on a rowing machine costing over a grand if you switched to the 30p canned tomatoes and 29p pasta for [checks notes] a whole damn decade.

Oh, and a small Stetson. And some Cotswold furniture. A dog. Vivienne Westwood clothes. A smeg fridge…

 

[Valiofthedolls]

And my own personal favourite
View attachment 2436914

Wot?

With those manly muscles?

It’s ok. Eight days later and the “5ft 2 inch girl” had already grown .3 of an inch and become a woman, so she was probably much better at bare knuckle fist fighting by then too.

And a month after that? She was full-on Big fackin’ Mo.

Edit to remove double post chaos

 

[MurielSnark]

Is this Mr Potato Head?

(He's in the public eye, speaking here at the Hay Festival in 2017, so I don't feel compromised by sharing this pic.)

 

[rage naan]

Is this a new quiz to while away the hours until she returns? Name That Slop.

I think this is a great idea.

Let's see:

Spoiler: Name that slop

Spoiler: My guess

Blood with maggots, teeth & autumn leaves

Spoiler: Name that slop

Spoiler: My answer

Pureed irradiated uranium sludge with micro beetles

Spoiler: Name that slop

Spoiler: My guess

Leftover liposuction debris

Spoiler: Name that slop

Spoiler: My guess

Worms in a rained- on ashtray juice sauce

 

[HootieMcBoob]

I'm one who'd never seen it. OMG. View attachment 2436708

Yeah. You tell us just how well your plan to have your "Ridiculous Things* hold their value is going. You toxic prune-addled simpleton.

*One, or, maybe, say, 27 things bought with each advance eh?

I thought exactly this too and I don’t know why but it’s really wound me up.

Jack: I invest in expensive items as a safety net
Also Jack: I completely trash (and render worthless) expensive items I invest in as a safety net

She’s really boiling my fucking onions tonight and she’s doing it from the past.

 

[Lazarus]

The one on the left is him NINE YEARS AGO. Mr Laz had a friend who used to do this. I find it really fucking offensive.
she done it to us when we bumped into her once, asked a bar man to take a photo, then put it on Facebook without our permission. I almost didn’t recognise myself.

ETA: I say used to do this but I’m certain she still does it. I deleted her from my friends list and Mr Laz doesn’t use SM so I guess I’ll never know. Cow.

 

[SleevelessSlopSlinger]

There is no way she was a sex worker, not using those words. Reminds me of when clueless Louise in Two Pints needs money and stands at a street corner announcing "Prostitute! Prostitute Available!".

The “worker” part gives away this very obvious lie.

 

[Mr Jim]

Must admit, I've never thought "oh, if only I could make beurre blanc, then I would know true happiness" but then I must also admit I'd never heard of it. Which is probably for the best, as it is not for likes of us. Whatever it is.

This is just to say
I have beaten
The butter
To use in
The beurre blanc

And which
You were probably
Thinking
Was never

For povs
In their tracksuits
Watching
Jeremy Kyle

 

[Emmapism]

Imagine thinking you would upstage the bride by bringing a woman to a wedding. What a plonker. Most weddings these days don't always have plus ones anyway so you could just.....go on your own?? But silly me it isn't about that is it.

It's about Jack being the most special the most talented, the most brilliant and important person in the universe.

You aren't. Nobody would have cared.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

And, indeed, replicate.

Probably for the best.

Poor bastards.

 

[Dr.CM]

Just pondering the shit tattoos on Jacksie and was thinking, most of us know loads of people with tattoos. I've never met another person who has that many tattoos on her arms but none others elsewhere on her body? I could be totally wrong but most heavily tattooed people (women) I know have something elsewhere. Back, butt, thigh, ankle, leg, chest, etc. Is it as weird as I think?

As I say, I may just be a mithering ninny but it like most things she does it doesn't seem quite genuine and just discomforts me a bit.

Uh let's put it this way... if she has them *elsewhere* we DO NOT wish to see them please thankspaceyou.

 

[MurielSnark]

I've found price increases to be very variable, and not especially tied to basic vs expensive ranges.
I think it's a combination of fixed costs disproportionately affecting cheap items, and certain food sectors eg dairy having additional cost issues.

Eg sains spaghetti was 28p /500g
Hubbard (their rebranded basics) spag now 56p per kilo ie no change. The fancy Barilla tortellini my son loves were 2.40, now they're 3.50

The biggest increases in my shopping list have been
cream cheese 49p>95p
cat food pouch 179p>319p
cat food pate 22p>39p
Close on doubled.

Surprised* that Jack hasn't picked up on that considering she has a cat and a dog that live with her.

All good points @ForgettyBetty

In my personal budget, I've had to give up salmon and have massively reduced the amount of cheese I eat. And I no longer buy wine (which makes me immensely sad because I rarely eat out and never drink wine in the pub).

I used to post on Twitter quite a bit about the challenges of living on benefits. Once, I complained about the astronomical price of cheese and a sympathetic person reached out to me and sent me a voucher for a fancy cheesemonger. That was quite a day! And my one and only accidental social media grift.

 

[RandomFishOils]

2438048[/ATTACH]

Dr Dr Monroe. So utterly thick that she thinks a singular work by Peter Paul Rubens is known as a Ruben. See also: a singular tweet by OJ (not a murderer) is a Jone, a much loved Victorian work of fiction is a Dicken and a solitary Oh Yeah (with deer) by a much loved Welsh singer is a Tom Jone.
---

"instead of having £500, which is 6 months worth of food shopping for me and whoever lives with me this week in savings in account I never use, perhaps with a passbook to make it more complex to access to prevent me wasting it, I've bought a bag that I've ruined".

Did anyone order a slow hand clap? Hello? One smol, slow hand clap?

57 and a half weeks’ worth of food shopping, tenderstem. Over a year’s worth of food. But with the whisky stains, biro doodling and broken strap, it’s going to be worth much, much more than she paid for it. Investment, you see.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

She always reminds me of a Beefeater in that "graduation" pic

 

[TrolleyParton]

Guest tattoo mithering: can anyone remember when she got her first ones done? I was thinking about Amy Winehouse RIP, who died in 2011. At the time she did have a certain notoriety because of her shit tattoos (not to mention the booze) - I definitely remember articles taking about her "sailors tattoos" as a notable and unusual feature for the kind of singer she was. I wonder if that is also partly an inspiration for guest as she became famous - "ooh look a nice poor single mum with sailor tattoos who makes cheap slop - how unusual!"

No doubt Guest would have tried to draw comparisons between herself and Amy had Amy lived. "Look at us, 2 scrappy, tattooed, uber-talented working class girls, making our way in a world that's set against us, in spite of our demons!"
Amy would have torn strips off her though.