Jack Monroe #540 Meet the new Jack, same as the old Jack.

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I'm not actually here

SleevelessSlopSlinger said:
Hint on the thread title of the mithering mothers please?
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Sorry, many hours later. I don't have an account there. I just typed in "what is a guset called when the knicker elastic has given way" or sth? Can't quite remember now.
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Dr.CM said:
Jeez imagine being an amazing dancer and trained for years just to be bunged in a dangerous shark suit where you're liable to trip down the steps any moment
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No, I am sorry. I'm NOT doing an unsmiley face. That is funny af. Especially at this hour.
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Now, I've lost my page. Why does tattle do this?! I was on p 36 or sth. Reverse Grunking at 4am is... So difficult. If I end up on another thread, lost, you will all know why...
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However, whilst I am still here... I'd just like to say... I only came out of hiding last November, after months lurking, and it gives me mucho delight that guset is a shadow of herself now, mere months later. This time last year, it didn't seem possible. And now, well, done deal. Innit? Or......

I've spat more tea across my bed, desk, dining table etc, than would seem possible, rescued cats, shared pukka recipes, and lived through the slopalong, laughed my socks off so many times, and have tried to say thank you to many, many folk. If I have failed in that last, this is my huge thank you for being the best canal of frauens..... ever.

Guest, you are a goner. And we took you down, collectively. If you fancy a comeback, go on, go on, go on. (no really, please do!!!) We aren't the usual suspects.

We haz receipts, here not anywhere else, you muppet - the wiki is pink button above. Read it, and then read it again. Nobody is trying to stop you breathing. Unless you die laughing.

You have pissed off many folk, inc me. You stole from a family member of mine. Who still can't quite get why you did that with the books and Patreon. AndI can't explain it to her. I suspect she is one of the last 350+ people who you are stealing from. Scamming. Grifting. Whatever. Some People are now so devastated at what they believed about you... They can't actually admit it.

Shut. Your. Fucking. PATREON. Down.

I am asking you again.

I will be reporting you to hmrc AGAIN this week. I am not going to stop until they take action and shut you down.

Soz.
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I'm not sorry. I will keep reporting you to any and every authority until you are properly investigated for fraud and tax evasion. I and many others believe you have stolen hundreds of thousands of pounds from kind, caring and generous folk, simply to support your shopping and hoarding habit for a decade. Or longer... Enough now...
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And your recipes are shite. Just saying. Truly shite. Dreadful. Appalling.

If all of this comes as a shock ring one of your therapists on speedial. I've truly had enough of you. Face up to what you have done and own it. Repay at least some of the money - not to some random food bank, but to the people who donated it.
 
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I'm not actually here

Imagine, Jack Monroe, that one of the folk who supports you on your Patreon who has several of your books etc, discovers you haven't ever paid out. Ever.

In years.

I believe that many of your remaining Patreon are similar folk. They signed up to give you a couple of quid years ago because they wanted you to speak out.. For their kids, their grandkids. All you have done is NOTHING. You haven't spoken up, you haven't communicated with your subscribers, you haven't responded even to your single remaining Patreon post.

You have simply lived off their money. You are a terrible THIEF. A mean and unconscionable robber. From kind, generous, caring and lovely people who believed you could be their voice.

Shut
Your
Patreon
Today.

if the figures are right (and you will need to prove them wrong in the Court of law you need to be in very soon), every Day (possibly, every hour) you are scamming from innocent people MORE than you have claimed you were spending for 2 active adults,child blah blah blaha per Week on food.

I suspect once the Pandora Box is opened, up to 400 or more subscribers to your Patreon this last few years are going to open up and admit to funding you for zero return.

Do some maths, love. Even at 2k a year it will hurt. It's 4+k a month. Isn't it?

COL crisis or not, there are lawyers/solicitors who will take this on. Probably not Mark, I've a job for you pal, but many, many others. It will look great on their CV-won against the litigant against wotsername who never defended herself... Whatwashernameagain?? It won't be Hopkins, it will be Monroe.

I want to see you facing reparation for what you have done. It's about fucking time you did. You have taken hundreds of thousands of pounds from people under false pretenses.

Hundreds. Of. Thousands.
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Ouchies won't work, BTW. Check the Alice Evans etc thread. The real world doesn't permit such trivia especially not when kids and animals are involved.

You will be on your own (against normal life that everybody else deals with every day) so get that Glasto bullet-proof vest on and make some ready meals and prep....

Incoming: the real world.
 
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BeardyBap

I particularly appreciated how they've included the book open at that page in the pic. I wouldn't have known how far they'd strayed otherwise, since we don't own a copy of any of guest's books.
 
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Lumpyspaceprincess

Oh dear, oh dear.

For context I often have strange dreams when I have PMT. But my fellow fraus, this was a nightmare….

It started as one of those chaotic dreams about travelling, I was redecorating the holiday flat, we drove but we had to get a plane home with one bag blah blah. All very dull, but at the back of the flat there was a massive church and I walked around the side to get there. And then I saw her.. she had some kind of stall in the covered entranceway. I was so excited I could tell my fraus that I had seen her in the flesh! She had a crowd around her but she caught my eye and made a beeline for me, before I knew it she had pushed me against the grey stone wall….AND KISSED ME…. I supposed she could have force fed me some of her cooking, could be worse

Think of a frau on this terrible day, my PayPal is available, I need chocolate, paracetamol and memory bleach.
 
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YerDa

OrigamiEyes said:
I'm French and that's absolutely not true, that's something we laugh about and most people assume it's American.
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I apologise for tarring all French women with the same brush, FoldyYeux! I can only talk of the ones I know, I’m sorry!
 
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phoebuscartel

This is it though. If her cookbooks were creative and helped people on low incomes to make delicious balanced meals then all the compulsive lying, munchie behaviour, engagements and social media embarrassments probably wouldn’t hold the attention for very long.

It’s the slops. The captivatingly woeful slops.
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I dreamed I was in a charity shop with my mum and found a compilation country LP featuring guest which they were selling for 50p

this was the cover image

I didn’t explain why I had to buy this abomination but mum seemed to understand
 
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Katkat

That Man has a new show! All about the Mediterranean and not an arse in sight.
 
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D

Dr.CM

Mr Jim said:
I have 2 Geography A Levels (one grade A, one B) because my school was gaming the system.
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I guess I have one more 'O' Level than I ever realised as I re-sat to raise my Grade D (sadly only to grade C) but technically that means I've go two Maths O Levels right!? I feel suddenly cleverer.
 
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Onestorytoomany

So is that it then. She did a few random gigs talked about 'how much she has done, that no one has seen' talked about herself and now.....
As she just stopped!
 
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D

Dr.CM

So... regarding this 5 year Nutrition degree that was once mentioned. What are the odds that guset is actually doing it?
 
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Livia Fantasy

chizontiz said:
I thoroughly enjoy all of this, thank(space)you, SH, FATYD. So many worthy thread title nomination candidates but I'm gonna go with "no, Jack Monroe's food is not made of poo".
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Paraphrasing, but I very much enjoyed “Jack Monroe’s recipes … are not meant to be taken literally”
 
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phoebuscartel

Livia Fantasy said:
Paraphrasing, but I very much enjoyed “Jack Monroe’s recipes … are not meant to be taken literally”
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While “she would never use anything as disgusting as poo” is begging for the kind of montage scene I don’t have the attention span to create
 
Reactions: 29
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