Jack Monroe #523 Everything she does is pointless busywork that solves nothing

[ah went tell]

Hello canal

Been enjoying your work for many years. My username (shooketh that it wasn’t already taken) isn’t my origin story, I’m fact the absolute that-didn’t-happen abuse of Scots may well be the funniest thing she’s ever done.

For me the thing that tipped me over the edge was the ONS shenanigans. Their report 100% did not back up her VBI ramblings, and she was bare faced lying that it did… and people just believe it. And as a numbers Frau if you come for Chris Mate, you come for all of us.

 

[KnackeredKneckbeard]

I imagine that her parents and wider relatives are generous to her and SB because they don't want to be accused in print of stopping her breathing and that SB's father gives her a regular monthly amount to keep her off his back ticking over.

Also, I wonder about this Breitling bling, did she really have it as far back as the weekend in Dordrecht (sp?), if not, where's it come from? That's a very flashy gift indeed.

How can she even countenance wearing it publically when she's on the beg and wearing that repulsive povo jumper - she's got no conscience or morals or even paranoia? Anyone normal in her shoes would be like OK I'm making my living about living on the breadline, I've grifted my patreons, I'm writing about not being able to afford my rent, better not wear that watch anywhere in public.

I wonder if there is a lot of sibling rivalry from Jack due to her parents fostering. Sibling rivalry usually doesn't last past your teen years, but as we see the grudges she bears towards her "teachers" (as if Borbora/Piotr et al said words that she attributes to them would be said to a pupil) she bears those sibling rivalry grudges to the children her parents went on to adopt. IE she's angry that she had her "nose" pushed out of joint? Just my opinion as I'm not a psychologist into narcissists

 

[Lazarus]

That face in the ballet photo can make me angry if I'm already in a mood and it pops up. She's an idiot wrapped in a moron.

I’m like that with the two thumbs up hon doctorate pic. I have to scroll past it really quickly.

 

[Mr Krabs]

The 'putting the sewing down' Victorian guest will never not be funny.
You maverick modern Shakespeare/Philip Larkin you.

How does she manage to sew with the CLAW.

 

[KnackeredKneckbeard]

How does she manage to sew with the CLAW.

View attachment 2282177

She's faking that. Always fakes her various ailments. Without
myself I have arthritis & cubital tunnel syndrome, my hands look like that when I get spasms which lock my thumb or fingers under my palms.

Jimmy Nail gif

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I gotta admit, I love your username in particular. I picture five hundred happy dogs, all having a nice day. I love it

Aww, I do love that.

 

[Foxvint]

It's like a fresh new detective team coming out on the floor with all these brill newbies while the hardened jaded staff light another marlboro red and murmur 'your poor guys, I was like you once, look at me now, an empty husk of a pumble'.

 

[KnackeredKneckbeard]

It's like a fresh new detective team coming out on the floor with all these brill newbies while the hardened jaded staff light another marlboro red and murmur 'your poor guys, I was like you once, look at me now, an empty husk of a pumble'.

Aww whilst I "lurked/grunked" yours, and other well established Fraus/Herrens, posts would make me laugh/have me nodding my head in agreement yet have my fingers "rage nanning" as I couldn't post. I am in awe of you all and appreciate how you've forensically kept the receipts x

 

[Captainmouse]

I don't think her ex has an amazing income tbh. If I recall he is a photographer who breeds on the side.
If anything the agreement is probably zero but he can have the child benefit money. He sounds like he would agree to anything she asked though.

Maybe he claims him on his tax, I thought he worked in fast food?

Not even when she tells the internet one of her HILLLLARRRRRRIOUS and FASCINATING anecdotes?

Spoiler: guest’s funny stories

View attachment 2281570View attachment 2281571View attachment 2281572View attachment 2281574View attachment 2281575View attachment 2281576View attachment 2281577

She’s long been a truly fascinating anecdotalist, mind you.

View attachment 2281561View attachment 2281559You can TOTES see how she can command that £10,000-£15,000 speaking fee on the after dinner circuit.

Spoiler: Yo, guest!

View attachment 2281584

you forgot to post the icing on the cake, the steam punk leggings whizzing down the slipway

 

[friedeggswithmetalfeagmen]

I'm a muppet. I posted in the food and drink thread and meant to post in here. Just wanted to say, am new have lurked for a whiles now and thanks for all the gigantic LOLs over past few years. Everything Jack related on here is spot on and absolutely hilarious

 

[lilykestrel]

Spoiler: name origin mither

I picked my name when I was but a lurker and it's a very poor riff on a character's name from the Flannery O'Connor book I was reading at the time, because I can be reet pretentious when I want to be

Wonder if Jack will challenge Elon to a cage fight over the views allowance

 

[Squeaky Beans]

Worth pointing out that her father (often referred to as Big D or Big Dave) regularly posts on Southend FB pages to warn people about going on the MOD beaches. This HILARIOUS anecdote was almost certainly after she'd been told off by him about something and this was her way of getting him back.
Almost everything she posts is to get back at or punish someone.

Of all of the miles of coastline and beaches we have down this way, of course she 'accidentally' instructed the poor chump she was with to drive right to the MoD area.

iM sO meNtaL mE LOLZ.

Get in the bin. bleep.

 

[streby]

And is ‘Flexitarian’ just another way of saying 90% vegan?

She's also a flexbian.
---

She’s brazen with the tiffs

Those are dupes and/or gifted, how DARE you not let her wear them constantly?!

I'm so jealous of all you Frauen who put more than one second of thought into their username.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

I love it when she drops in (I still have it) but never shows it #tattypoetrynotebook

 

[Smeghead]

I gotta admit, I love your username in particular. I picture five hundred happy dogs, all having a nice day. I love it

This is how I picture you:
Just after you’ve found out you’re going to be dipped into a peach and chickpea curry

 

[Phillipa78]

It's like a fresh new detective team coming out on the floor with all these brill newbies while the hardened jaded staff light another marlboro red and murmur 'your poor guys, I was like you once, look at me now, an empty husk of a pumble'.

I'm loving this influx! I think I need to build a new frau crazy wall though...
Keep coming newbies, if you're still lurking, don't be shy! Plenty of space on the sideboards for you all to join us.

 

[HansThatDoDishes]

How does she manage to sew with the CLAW.

View attachment 2282177

What IS the thing she loves and let kills her?

50000:1 doing actual good
10000:1 working
10:1 pumble
8:1 burgering
6:1 inexplicable eggs
4: 1putrid fridge waste
2:1 lying.
evens: attention seeking

ETA Can't believe I forgot sideboards, designer jewellery and other spenny tat(ts).

Also idk how betting works do if evens isn't lower than 2:1 fair enough

 

[Lazarus]

How does she manage to sew with the CLAW.

View attachment 2282177

Where’s the caption that went with this pic please? It was 🫣🫣‍

 

[Dogrose]

Greenbelt have finally issued a statement about Jack. TL;dr we like Jack, we’ve all made mistakes, we’re getting some actual povs along too and we think this cancels out her cosplay.

Greenbelt Festival Statements

Stay informed with Greenbelt Festival Statements. Straight from Greenbelt HQ about the festival and programme.

www.greenbelt.org.uk

 

[Valiofthedolls]

It's like a fresh new detective team coming out on the floor with all these brill newbies while the hardened jaded staff light another marlboro red and murmur 'your poor guys, I was like you once, look at me now, an empty husk of a pumble'.

New Fraus on the left, the rest of us on the right

Spoiler: ❤️New Fraus BEWARE tho. Herein lies DANGER