Jack Monroe #523 Everything she does is pointless busywork that solves nothing

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title is @Livia Fantasy's words nominated by @HotesTilaire congrats lads, you win tickets to Greenbelt so pack your stab vests and get ready to accept your new saviour.

In the previous thread: NOTHING. Guest is still absent, quietly lurking on the hellsite and liking the odd tweet. No need for concern, she'll be back shortly to ask your favourite flavour of Angel Delight.

For new members, the wiki is the pink button up top. To nominate a thread title, use the words 'thread title' and please, I beg you, no flipping swearing.

A reminder also that we have an off-topic thread for all non-guest mithering.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Firstest

do sooooomething Jack!

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Jack can stay fucked off.

There, that's the post, she sucks donkey arse.

 

[catgoldo]

So the minge is heading to the fringe. Hope she doesnt have another Mediterranean arse incident on the way up to Celerytown.

 

[shugabug23]

Thanks be to jebus that last thread is done with coz duck me I was so bored I went on secret celeb goss! Wtf? It’s actually worse than notes we used to pass in high school 🫣

I think I’m ruined by the canal’s forensic nature, I insist on the best goss!!! 🫡

 

[StewPots]

Where is Guest?

A) On a MASSIVE sulk & comedown after paying CCJ and having to sell one of the many sideboards to do so. Also, no on a Tuesday for a while either. More’s the pity on that one. Maybe she SHANT return to SM at alll….

B) Adrian has actually banned her from SM and changed all the passwords so she cant get in. She’s also got an old ass Nokia which she plays Snake on and she has got The Highest Score Ever Recorded.

C) Jack’s had an epiphany and realised what she’s been doing for the last decade is horribly, terribly wrong and she’s currently holed up with Big Dave and E working out how to put things right.

D) Silently lurking, ready to strike in the next few days with an absolute chaos and picking out all the negative things said about her and us just biding her time to unleash hell.

Personally I reckon it’s A with a bit of D mixed in! Cast your votes Ninnies!

 

[L3moning]

So the minge is heading to the fringe.

Paging Russ In Cheshire

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

Where is Guest?

A) On a MASSIVE sulk & comedown after paying CCJ and having to sell one of the many sideboards to do so. Also, no on a Tuesday for a while either. More’s the pity on that one. Maybe she SHANT return to SM at alll….

B) Adrian has actually banned her from SM and changed all the passwords so she cant get in. She’s also got an old ass Nokia which she plays Snake on and she has got The Highest Score Ever Recorded.

C) Jack’s had an epiphany and realised what she’s been doing for the last decade is horribly, terribly wrong and she’s currently holed up with Big Dave and E working out how to put things right.

D) Silently lurking, ready to strike in the next few days with an absolute chaos and picking out all the negative things said about her and us just biding her time to unleash hell.

Personally I reckon it’s A with a bit of D mixed in! Cast your votes Ninnies!

A and D, with a smattering of fake C, pretending she realises she's hurt people but it wasn't her fault....

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Where is Guest?

A) On a MASSIVE sulk & comedown after paying CCJ and having to sell one of the many sideboards to do so. Also, no on a Tuesday for a while either. More’s the pity on that one. Maybe she SHANT return to SM at alll….

B) Adrian has actually banned her from SM and changed all the passwords so she cant get in. She’s also got an old ass Nokia which she plays Snake on and she has got The Highest Score Ever Recorded.

C) Jack’s had an epiphany and realised what she’s been doing for the last decade is horribly, terribly wrong and she’s currently holed up with Big Dave and E working out how to put things right.

D) Silently lurking, ready to strike in the next few days with an absolute chaos and picking out all the negative things said about her and us just biding her time to unleash hell.

Personally I reckon it’s A with a bit of D mixed in! Cast your votes Ninnies!

A, B and D.

C may come into play as part of The Big "I'm So Sorry" Tour, but it will won't be genuine, because she's not genuine. Any public display of repentance will be as fake and staged as her "SB took this adorable photo of me" stuff.

 

[MistyWindows]

Look guest, this is my birthday weekend coming up and my actual birthday is Monday which is a full moon
Probably don’t have time for a chaos, but if you could just make a tit of yourself I’d be ever so grateful Even namaste Jack would cheer me up x

Thankspaceyou

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Odd for Oxfam to have scrubbed all record of guest from their website when she is an ambassador apparently.

Actually that's not fully true. She does appear in the charity shop section.

Spoiler: Bonus: I was in poverty because my penthouse had no garden

 

[Zelda]

There was a mention on the last thread about one of Jack's recent likes being a tweet from Roadside Mum mithering about all her bylines qualifying her for NUJ membership. Sounded a bit like complaining she can't do that.

This makes no sense to me as an ex-NUJ member.

If you're writing for a living, you can join the blooming NUJ. There's no interrogation, no-one asks you to share your portfolio. You just pay your subs. You pay them out of the money you get from your journalism.

If you're a regular somewhere, you can ask to join their chapel. Actually, most chapels are keen to boost membership, so I reckon it's worth having a chat even if you're an infrequent contributor.

There's no line of posh boys and girls stopping you from getting in the doors of the NUJ. (They're too busy getting all the actual jobs from their mums and dads and their friends - that's a different story.)

Oh yes, I get that some people don't like paying for anything and only want things gifted to them. And yes, I do get that some people are the poorest of the poor, woe is them.

Well grifters, you're not that special, plenty journos, especially those on regional titles, are on pretty crappy wages. So quit your whining.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

There was a mention on the last thread about one of Jack's recent likes being a tweet from Roadside Mum mithering about all her bylines qualifying her for NUJ membership. Sounded a bit like complaining she can't do that.

This makes no sense to me as an ex-NUJ member.

If you're writing for a living, you can join the blooming NUJ. There's no interrogation, no-one asks you to share your portfolio. You just pay your subs. You pay them out of the money you get from your journalism.

If you're a regular somewhere, you can ask to join their chapel. Actually, most chapels are keen to boost membership, so I reckon it's worth having a chat even if you're an infrequent contributor.

There's no line of posh boys and girls stopping you from getting in the doors of the NUJ. (They're too busy getting all the actual jobs from their mums and dads and their friends - that's a different story.)

Oh yes, I get that some people don't like paying for anything and only want things gifted to them. And yes, I do get that some people are the poorest of the poor, woe is them.

Well grifters, you're not that special, plenty journos, especially those on regional titles, are on pretty crappy wages. So quit your whining.

Exactly - Mr Ellis was an NUJ member from the minute he started working for a paper on £5 a bloody hour or whatever the ‘salary’ was.

 

[L3moning]

you're not that special

Reminds me of a possibly appropriate song lyric (from See You When You're 40 by Dido):

You think you're complicated / deep mystery to all / well its taken me a while to see / you're not so special / all energy no meaning, with a lot of words / so paper thin that one real feeling / might knock you down...

 

[MissNarcissus]

Last Sunday morning I was in a Celerytown coffee shop when I noticed that Ian Rankin was ordering, I didn’t even think to ask him about guest because I was so excited that the other woman in the queue may have been a Frau in the Wild: @DinosaurSenior! I attempted to ascertain whether this was the case by loudly talking to my baby about elderly reptiles but sadly there was no look of recognition. Now imagine my delight that I now know I can wear my VBI badge around the old town as a guest inspired masons handshake!

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Someone in that last thread mithered about Grifty Kitchen having 120 new recipes and I would like to stand by my suspicion that she deliberately nixed her website in order to reuse the last few years of tit she’d posted on there in the book…

 

[Veronicaaa]

There was a mention on the last thread about one of Jack's recent likes being a tweet from Roadside Mum mithering about all her bylines qualifying her for NUJ membership. Sounded a bit like complaining she can't do that.

This makes no sense to me as an ex-NUJ member.

If you're writing for a living, you can join the blooming NUJ. There's no interrogation, no-one asks you to share your portfolio. You just pay your subs. You pay them out of the money you get from your journalism.

If you're a regular somewhere, you can ask to join their chapel. Actually, most chapels are keen to boost membership, so I reckon it's worth having a chat even if you're an infrequent contributor.

There's no line of posh boys and girls stopping you from getting in the doors of the NUJ. (They're too busy getting all the actual jobs from their mums and dads and their friends - that's a different story.)

Oh yes, I get that some people don't like paying for anything and only want things gifted to them. And yes, I do get that some people are the poorest of the poor, woe is them.

Well grifters, you're not that special, plenty journos, especially those on regional titles, are on pretty crappy wages. So quit your whining.

How does it work when you're using a pseudonym though? I mean, RM says she's got all these bylines but I can only find a couple of opinion pieces and they credit 'Roadside Mum' or 'Louisa Britain'. Seems weird. Why be anonymous when you're pretending to be a journalist?

 

[MistyWindows]

Someone in that last thread mithered about Grifty Kitchen having 120 new recipes and I would like to stand by my suspicion that she deliberately nixed her website in order to reuse the last few years of tit she’d posted on there in the book…

It’s a good theory but I think you’re probably giving her too much credit ninny.

I’m still convinced that she’s very fast and loose with her definition of a recipe.
I couldn’t sleep much so was grunking old threads and on one she suggested something particularly funny to a poor squig they wanted to know what to do with tinned chicken in white sauce as they were just having it with rice for tea, but wanted to ‘jazz it up’.
Her suggestion was curry powder and mango chutney (firstly duck off, guessing she was going for a coronation chicken vibe but swing and miss as per) but if they didn’t have the chutney then…..
Marmalade

Anyway back on point, to Jack that’s two separate recipes! Another job well done. (And I highly doubt either were tested)

 

[Smeghead]

Where is Guest?

A) On a MASSIVE sulk & comedown after paying CCJ and having to sell one of the many sideboards to do so. Also, no on a Tuesday for a while either. More’s the pity on that one. Maybe she SHANT return to SM at alll….

B) Adrian has actually banned her from SM and changed all the passwords so she cant get in. She’s also got an old ass Nokia which she plays Snake on and she has got The Highest Score Ever Recorded.

C) Jack’s had an epiphany and realised what she’s been doing for the last decade is horribly, terribly wrong and she’s currently holed up with Big Dave and E working out how to put things right.

D) Silently lurking, ready to strike in the next few days with an absolute chaos and picking out all the negative things said about her and us just biding her time to unleash hell.

Personally I reckon it’s A with a bit of D mixed in! Cast your votes Ninnies!

E: living her best life, ignoring the Trolls, surrounded by close friends and family and back creating in the kitchen

 

[Veronicaaa]

E: living her best life, ignoring the Trolls, surrounded by close friends and family and back creating in the kitchen

It's so obvious that right now Jack is getting ready to unveil the VBI!