Jack Monroe #509 The Silence of the Scams.

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Schofield: goes for much younger partners, spent years trying to pretend he wasn't gay

Jack: goes for much older partners (cuz they've got money), spent years trying to pretend she was gay

 

[shugabug23]

Jodie, avoiding stepping on this lady's Rug of Doom.

View attachment 2194668

guest aka “This Lady”

 

[kachoochoo]

hello, as of most you know, I've had a mare with the list recently, having broken my phone, switched to another and lost all my notes on my old samsung

anyhoo, I've managed to get most of it from a different old phone, and I figured it'd be illustrative for newbies and lurkers. I have been keeping a list of things jack has said she'll do for just over 2.5 years now

as ever, this is the last version ive managed to recover. please tell me what is missing and, please, please, please can someone copy and paste it in the wiki as I can't thank space you

Spoiler: jack's coming soons

£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
3 recipes per week in 2022
4 blogs a week in 2023
9 half-written manuscripts
15 minute meals
24 tweet thread of proving the trolls wrong
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
2000 words for print glossy GQ awards
a few announcements
adding to twitter thread of plants as they bloom
advent calendar
aged chicken thigh bone stock
alcohol free versions of recipes
another walk in a restricted mod area
apple and pear crumble with brown sugar
austerity book
base system going in next book
BBC show guest on dr rupy's iplayer show
best value vegetables for squig
big press photo shoots
big work
black bean brownies recipe
black bean recipes from poll
black pudding pastitsio
BLM video monetization donation
blog a simple recipe
blog about energy companies' profits and nationalising stuff
blog of heatwave foods
blog post excited about for ages
bollocking rishi sunak
book on culinary history
book signing in Belfast
books for slow cooker appeal

books for the rural coffee caravan
confirmed never arrived 17.2.22 by rcc twitter

Brand New System for desk wallpaper

bright blue think tank updates
brioche balls brioche, mincemeat and camembert wreath

broccoli, creamy cannellini beans and fish
broccoli breakfast pasta
budget shopping article
Camp Kitchen from the shed
cannelini bacon and pork belly pie
carrot cake baked oats
chestnut fudge thing
chicken livers
chicken nuggets with black pudding crumb
chocolate and prune oats
Christmas condiment
Christmas leftovers caesar salad - nov 2022
Christmas pie and mash - due 3.1.23
cinnamon granola recipe
coconut oil etc mouthwash quantities
coffee scrub
column for the Breakdown
comic filter security
comparison of 2021 £20 shop to 2022 £20 shop
compiling list of independent food banks
Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
cooking for one book
cost of living crisis recipes in one category
crispy fish recipe
curating regular book recommendations
David Walliams book reviews
dauphinoise pie
dealing with paying taxes
deep pinky purple mascarpone ice cream
denim shirt embroidery commissions
depressipes
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe completed it, mate

diabetic recipes
dig out microwave and kettle recipes
DM to Yel
drawing nigella's garden
dyeing all clothes black
easy care for cutlery
email household management book to agent
ethical on a budget

explain daily usage of pythagoras theorem something to do with rishi sunak

extremely useful stuff
festive pop tarts
festive vegan loaf peeling pie
filing accounts
flannel blog
flapjack recipe
folding fitted sheets in seconds
food truck of joy
fulfilling all patreon commitments 2022 edition
gailymail
giant caramelised banana and chocolate pancake
goat kleftiko
gold rush xmas presents
great resources by trans + non binary writers
greek cook book
greens, eggs and ham
half-written budget xmas recipes
handing over her platform to poc
haybox and thermos cooking
healthy on a bootstrap
hecking big decluttering
helping disability and mental health writers
history of York road market
homemade hand sanitiser
homemade cleaning items
homemade dog biscuits
homemade houmous secret ingredients
huge depop or Ebay sale

mushroom butter
New Thing
newspaper campaign the fucking express
no- and low-fuel cooking (kinda) the bromelain in canned pineapple is denatured
no waste cook book (on twitter for world earth day)
nutrition degree
onion chopping song
open the space squig box
Other Plans for cabbage
ouchy mouth recipes
painstakingly costed menu for week under £20
pastry recipe
patreon update
peasants pudding recipe
photos of Rather Renegade xmas dinner 2022
picture of tree postcards
pistachio milk
pointing out real plants
pork and lentil bolognese
postcards, postcards, postcards
poverty memoir
puttanesca soup
quick pickling
radish recipes
recipe roundup on Instagram
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
redoing dinner to get better light
report for work and pensions committee
repotting spider plants from a friend
reshooting beach pottery in daylight
rooting out Amazon from website

running around in heels with a Tall Man
GQ awards 2020. no evidence of running or dancing, but Marcus is tall. she didn't even personally hand him the award.

running order for xmas dinner
salt and vinegar sardines and spaghetti
sardine tin print
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient - possibly banana skin
secret stock ingredient
human dreamies
potato water
selling books on website again
send squig mandarin carrot recipe
sending maple syrup tin to fan
serious work
serving libel papers to fox/daubney/anderson
set up mastodon
setting her teenage musings to music
sexy kitchen makeover reason
shopping trolley viewed Sept 2021, unclear if gift

sideboard photos reason
sleep hygiene routine
slow cooker bubble bath
slow cooker recipes, maybe for depher
slow cooker xmas dinner - before xmas 2021
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
something about how money buys time
something else Jack'll remember sometime
soup for bed recipe
spite recipe
split peas and cooking bacon
squigs pick eyeshadow looks

super secret shopping trip hack
thrifty kitchen published january 2023 - quarterhack

supper nanny
support cabal for bullied media types
swamp thing
sweet and sour soup
sweet potato caramel
t shirts with offensive slogan actually done within 3 hours 1.2.22
t shirt profits to trussell trust updates
teemill profits
thread about moving house
thrifty shades of beige
Thursday thunder clap
tiktok
tin juice cordial recipe
tomato soup water content done

train video for squig
transcribing and blogging non binary talk
transcribing government bollocking
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
unorthodox cheese sauce - done

unorthodox courgette squishing
Up To Something
uses for juice from del monte tins
various cornflakes chicken recipes
vegan char sui buns
vegan cheese list

vegan crackling deep-fried rice paper apparently, admitted April 2022. this was among the original items on this list, first posited in late 2019, preceding these threads

vegan diabetic creme egg (maybe)
vegan haggis
vegan pastitsio in collab with Linda

vegan paella with artichokes
vegan pie glaze
vegan version of upside down pineapple chicken
Vimes Boots Price Index - due mid February 2022
visit Poland
weekly routine
write about diva pdf experience
write about sobriety
writing a thing about tories and 30p meals

zero waste curry falafels

 

[HotesTilaire]

The thread on the mum site has descended into loads of posters asking for codes to join tattle the slopalong threads are popular so great work, Lads!
<waves to lurkers>

 

[Lucy Aeroplane]

I was mithering about her newspaper thingy where she was going to take families shopping, and how affronted she was when it was suggested she was pitching the idea. They asked her alright haterz?

View attachment 2195433

But surprise surprise

View attachment 2195435

I just don’t know if there’s enough FUCK OFF in the world for this.

I went to visit Ma Aeroplane as she’s a bit poorly. Southend is not in a good way. Well, the well-off bits of it are. But the bit we come from isn’t. I’m very sad and feeling a bit hollow this evening because I’ve been to a neighbourhood that’s unfortunately a lot more of a shithole than it was when I grew up there. Even then it was when I left there. From a visitor’s perspective - albeit a visitor who’s very attached - the already deprived bits of the town are being left to rot. The gaps between rich and poor areas have always been noticeable but they’re not gaps any more, they’re canyons. The kids are being failed (I’m too upset/angry/frustrated to go into this rn; need to collect thoughts more before posting about it if I do - but I’m so horrified at it, and not in a Socrates “children are bad mannered” and they always have been, sort of way) and I’m scared for their futures. Old poor people are frail and vulnerable and struggling to get the help they’re entitled to. Fuck off Jack Monroe, you have no fucking idea about poverty, you do nothing to help poor people, you take up space and lie and lie and lie.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Being trolled by baguette is hilarious. What a pain! Jack loaves herself dearly, but no one else does. Moving house should be the yeast of her problems, with her reputation in the bin. She-a-batter a radiator off the wall at this rate... would be very on bran for her. Hope Hay-on-Rye goes swimmingly for the smol poor ickle little flour. Oh well, I must brioche. Focaccia later.

 

[moldwarp]

For the love of God, why do these people never experience the consequences of their actions?!!!

I believe she's benefitted from white/pretty privilege. A POC, someone not blessed with cheekbones, who is not middle class coded, would not have been given the opportunities she has had - despite the fact that she can't cook, can't present or speak publicaly, and is nasty and manipulative.

A (say) Black, overweight person from a housing estate could put in the hard yards, train as a chef, be charismatic, articulate and intelligent and STILL would not get the opportunities and second chances Jack did.

However, I disagree with you, she IS experiencing consequences. She's a byword for cruelty, dishonesty and incompetence on twitter. The celeb relationships and TV gigs are gone, never to return. Her nasty thoughts are beginning to manifest themselves in her physical appearance (I strongly believe that people eventually get the faces they deserve).

A slow burn fall is much better than a sudden big cancellation. It's happening in real time.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Let’s all take a minute to think about the pain and injustice Jack decided she experienced when she was called the N word, despite having no known African-Caribbean heritage. Truly humbling.

 

[Jockmcgraw]

Sorry if this is old news - no time to grunk! But I'm watching question time live on iplayer and they've just said Jack Monroe is on next week's show in Leicester

 

[Yel]

I wouldn't say Jack is Teflon coated at all. She has as many public figures rushing to her defense as has Phillip Schofield - none! Sadly she hasn't been named in MPQs yet, but you never know

Most months she gains about 5-10 new Patreon subscribers after the new month drop off. This month she's gained 1.

Quite likely there'll be another big drop off next week.

 

[lilykestrel]

Exactly. I mean, sometimes I think so myself, you've been posting on these threads for 3 years, yes you like the other posters they're witty and lovely, but isn't it a bit petty and obsessive, the same threads for 3 years?

Then I remember stuff like the kickstarter.

It's genuinely vital that people like Jack DO get called out. Just because the manipulation and fraud is low level in terms of quantum and fame, doesn't mean it's not damaging - to the most vulnerable as well.

When the emperor is parading through the streets demanding adoration, but is wearing no clothes....it needs to be talked about.

It's quite fascinating when you see the Patreon excuses in their original form in the Kickstarter.

And so much of it is potentially avoidable or could have been planned for if you're self-publishing a book?

"Not to mention contemplating 4377 envelopes to write and stuff and post some time in May" - why are you writing them? Print labels.

I'm not surprised your hand seizes up and you have wrist pain if you're typing constantly on a laptop, that's a display screen equipment nightmare (regardless of if you have a pre-existing issue or not). Get an external keyboard and mouse and do your wrist stretches like the rest of us who earn our living constantly tapping away at computers do.

"and still continued to limp up to the post office lugging a suitcase of books / dragged books through the rain, wheezing with a chest infection" there's such a thing as couriers

 

[Mr Krabs]

This girl is WARNED for being all up in Jack’s niche.

The student who's creating recipes using food bank ingredients

You don't even need an oven for most of them - just a kettle and microwave

www.nottinghampost.com

While Jack is titting around thinking about recording herself cooking on her phone, she’s completely being overtaken by the younger generation. Loads of great young budget cooks like this around. Tiktok is absolutely full of people doing the £20 challenge, showing people shopping and cooking for their meals with step by step instructions. Absolutely no thirst selfies, cheap toffees, or vague promises about meal plans ‘coming soon’. Most of them are younger, nicer looking, and more socially media savvy than she is too. Her career and her crap blog are just looking more irrelevant and dated by the day.

 

[Orphan_Black]

Well done @bizwizz89 for your words, and for @Ms Biscuit for the nomination, you win an empty chair from the empty halls of a Jack Monroe gig.

She did her talks, no one cared, still no sign of the money, all seems quiet on the honking front.

Newbies-please have a goosey-gander at the Wiki above (pink button, y'all)

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sorry if this is old news - no time to grunk! But I'm watching question time live on iplayer and they've just said Jack Monroe is on next week's show in Leicester

Why Leicester? Richard III didn’t spend 500 years under a car park for that.

 

[houseofhoop]

can anyone think when would the kickstarter cash have landed?

In November 2016 she was making herself a lipstick & gin advent calendar. Because you know, may as well buy TWENTY FIVE LIPSTICKS.

View attachment 2193372

Oh bless.
That’s the gin she doesn’t drink then

 

[Foxvint]

#ThrowbackThursday: from guest's archives again - Come to Bed Parmigiana

Parmigiana means parmesan cheese, which this recipe doesn't use. So it's not parmigiana, is it?

This is apparently the first romantic dinner guest ever made for LJC:

"11 months ago today, I turned up to work late, sleepless, an incoherent babbling wreck chewed up by an 18 month landmark court trial and with bright copper dye fading from my wiry, tousled mania of hair. I left my walking stick in the lobby, and limped in to work…to find a hand thrust towards me in a polite gesture of welcome, a smile, a curt hello. She introduced herself. I apologised seven times for my lateness and my pulled-from-a-car-wreck appearance. She was firm and professional, and she smiled at me again. And I felt that selfsame car wreck collide with my solar plexus and toss me down a rabbithole of giddy headspinning highs and that soaring, almost nauseatingly disorienting feeling of time stopping and slowing and turning on its head. I stumbled away, a new crush ablaze across my cheeks and in every tip of my fingers, burning coiled springs in the soles of my feet, a song whispering in the cold, grey, slumbering chamber of my strange little heart. And then I went home, and did what any self respecting 21st century romantic heroine would do; I followed her on Twitter.

Fast forward a few weeks and, having established that my paramour was mutually curious, I found myself standing frozen in my kitchen, petrified, with a wooden spoon in my hand, wondering what to cook for her imminent arrival. I settled on this, and it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love. It is not flashy, nor expensive; no grand gestures required. It requires a little patience, but very simple ingredients. It is homely, comforting, nourishing, the culinary equivalent of a soft warm body wrapped around your own. It delights, it satisfies, both firm and tender, messy and irreverent, hot and saline and sticky and sweet, and so much more than the sum of its parts.

It took her a month to pluck up the courage to tell me she doesn’t like pasta, but I love her regardless."

Imagine eating slop for a month because you're too polite to say no ...

Guest clarified elsewhere that they met on The Victoria Derbyshire Show and she was a mess because she'd been on a wild night out. No wonder LJC was annoyed with her

'My mania of hair', 'my strange little heart'. Fuckin tosspot.

 

[Geetbo]

Morning ninnies. Is .... is the bread index trolling Jack?

View attachment 2194522

Trolled by a baguette, a new low.

Surely she won't be able to resist kicking off when she sees this?

 

[usefullyuseless]

Did we ever have Simply the Guest as thread title? I can't recall if it was just suggested. Feels like it's What Tina Would Have Wanted

Tina said it's fine x

 

[Mr Krabs]

Let’s all take a minute to think about the pain and injustice Jack decided she experienced when she was called the N word, despite having no known African-Caribbean heritage. Truly humbling.

But what about the hammock pics?

 

[usefullyuseless]

Ahhh love that new thread smell

- She still hasn't moved

- It's Tuesday but we haven't been graced with a chaos (yet)

- Jack gave two talks over the weekend. Thankfully the tents were mostly empty

- Alleged socks have been socking

- Where's the money? What was in space squig's box and what happened in Dordrecht?!

THE END