Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[threetintender]

May I introduce you to Jack's (probably not gifted) neon sign... "Let's hang something cool here"?

That fucking neon sign gave me The Rage. Like she’s giving a little oh-look-at-me-doing-irony. I hate it nearly as much as those fake driftwood signs in every bastarding holiday let in the town where I live ‘Sandy Toes, Salty Kisses’ making me want to lob a brick through the window. I’m breathing quite heavily now, as recently I was behind a car that a ‘Nana To Be On Board’ sticker and if I hadn’t had a colleague in my car I swear I think I would driven the smug cow off the road. God. Sorry, ninnies, I am ok really and not a violent person at all.

 

[Trauma Frotters]

I come here expecting Jack based mithering, hilarious jokes and tenderroot care and what do I get? Cheese mites! Fucking Cheese mites!

WARNED.

 

[freya]

A friend of mine had one saying ‘shit’ above their toilet in protest

I engraved “feck”, “arse”, “drink” onto some wooden hearts and hung them in my hallway as a protest against live, laugh, love. Some of the school people thought I was a bit unhinged.

Jackie would not get the reference.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Why lie about something so trivial though? She's 35 and still making up fantasies like a five year old would do. I really don't understand.

This is a mystery I suspect we’ll never get to the bottom of. The endless pointless lies. The bath full of coins was just ridiculous. There were loads of people in the room, everyone whose ever worked anywhere near a shoot or thought for one moment about the practicalities knew it was a lie and yet she persisted until the MUA (what a frau! ) released that reel.

Just baffling.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

They're not even anything to look at are they? Imagine lying in the bath staring at a row of old bean cans with the dates still stamped on and a foul mixture of Yankee candles' greatest hits billowing out. Not really my idea of a magical diy home spa.

(I sometimes re-use cans - especially the catering size ones, as garden pots. Make a few drainage holes with a drill or bradawl - DO NOT ruin a perfectly good screwdriver - and pot up a couple of supermarket primroses. I'll give you that one for nothing Jack.)

Jack perpetuates the idea that poor people (and her son) cannot have nice things. Ugly tin cans, tumble dryer fluff and vegetable peelings for Christmas Dinner, that'll do the poors. Meanwhile she is strutting about in Vivianne Westwood, straddling Cotswold sideboards and eating Ocado grub.

No genuine poor person has that kind of bad taste or lack of common sense. Nor the time or the tools to to fanny about like a bored middle class wanker* when electric tealights are safer and cheaper.

*Apologies to any middle class wankers reading the threads 🫵

 

[Onestorytoomany]

She knows nothing of hardship or balancing work, kids and caring for a poorly loved one. She had at most a few weeks of being skint aka not being able to buy herself pretty things due to benefits taking their time. She is nothing more than a spoiled little princess.

 

[MavisBeacon]

Comté is the absolute don of cheeses. End of. Yours, Mavis Beacon, posh wanker.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Oops!

Still, at least you sold a LOT of stuff “in bunches” over the next few months, Jack! I bet the (equally soap-boiling solar-lit struggling) TT were super grateful for their “wedge” too!

Jack Monroe. The only follow through she ever does is after eating her own slop.

Now, about those four blog posts a week…

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

View attachment 2010852

A co-parent when it suits; a single mother when it doesn't

'Happy safe, secure child'! Is that when he is not an anxious child who is in therapy and having his personal business plastered over the Internet? The same child that was in your care when you allegedly tried to commit
suicide and and were out of your tits on booze and trammies? That safe, secure child that has supervised holidays with you? Mother of the year

 

[Lucky Escape]

While Rome burns .....


View attachment 2011305

FFS, she's learnt nothing from the egg ring debacle - those cans will have an epoxy resin coating, so shouldn't be heated like this.

 

[RinsingHoops]

Did we see this in the FT in Jan? The high-stakes business of managing brand ‘Me’.

Screen shots below as I think you need a subscription to read.

Spoiler: Screen shots

I particularly liked this comment.

 

[MancBee]

But she can't prove she's actually ever been in poverty housing can she? For a person who lies constantly about ridiculous things, do you think I'm going to believe that?

Why did she not take photographs of the damp and mould in these properties? There has never been a picture as evidence, not a single one.

 

[Country Bumpkin]

Just watching Midland news and one poor lady who was interviewed using a food bank was saying she hasn't used her oven in over a year. Guess what she uses to cook pals? Yep, slow cooker and an air fryer.

 

[Ellabella]

Completely off topic but did anyone see Poppy O'Toole on Saturday Kitchen last weekend say "quim" four times, genuinely without a clue what it meant?!

 

[FrumpyCat]

View attachment 2010864
I’ve never put the two things together before, but this was the day before she went on her “working holiday” to the US with her Diva/grim Ripper Museum pal.

Fucking hell Jack, “new and exciting work” is a truly novel way to describe jiggling the ol’ “famous DDs” and (GAUCHE) with the appalling Linda Riley in exchange for all expenses paid.

Holly Golightly you most certainly are not.

A holiday in America - how exciting, Jack's son must have had a lovely time! I wonder if Jack took him to Disney World? - I bet he found it magical! What a story to tell his friends!

Oh, hang on,. Sorry, I am sure he had a nice time at his dad's

 

[Valiofthedolls]

NOOOOOOO!!!! THIS background candle from today

Is the EXACT same style make model and colour as THIS candle which Jack pretended last summer she’d MADE out of “lots of different bits of (coincidentally the exact same colour as one another) leftover candles” the last time she “made candles”.

And that she was so pleased with this “made” candle she then wanted to go to the Yankee Candle website “cut the next and top bit off a load of hoarded glass bottles” to “make” more.

After coming up with another lie to cover it not being in a Gu pot even though she was making candles in Gu pots.

Daft lying twat.

 

[House of Carbonara]

Tories are the best.

TORTIES! ARGH!!! BLASTED AUTO !!!!!

 

[Cady1954]

Send coffinos, that's fabulously inappropriate! Jack and her ridiculous use of the wrong word can't be blamed on . Peripatetic

Spoiler: OT email disasters

Once upon a time a colleague sent an email to the whole department and signed off with...

R e t a r d s instead of regards.

(it wouldn't let me type it! I'm not insulting anyone mods, honest!)

Took a while for them to live that down. The replies were priceless.

I sent one years ago and I signed off with 'sorry for the incontinence ' instead of 'inconvenience!

 

[Foxvint]

Remember when you were a kid and would make 'perfume' with a few pilfered flower petals chucked in a bucket of water? Coming soon in Jack Hacks.

Her 'oh' genre of reply is so smug and smart arse. At least she actually acknowledged that squigs experience instead of replying about the time she suffered 95% 3rd degree burns but healed with cups of tea from dear friends and a kidney and melon casserole.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Why does she insist on abusing perfectly good items by putting them to a use for which they were not intended? Don't use your screwdrivers as awls, you'll damage them and if it slips, you could damage yourself. She is so thoughtless and irresponsible.