Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[Elsie Ben Felyn]

Spent the morning making this. As you do.

Matches my ruler.

Recipe to follow.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Every now and again I’m flabbergasted all over again by the sheer amount of stuff she’s accumulated.

Spoiler: Jack shit

It’s just…wild. And NO CONTENTS INSURANCE because of POVERTY TRAUMA

Thanks to all fraus who initially immortalized all these pics. A bonus Chesney pic for dearest @MancBee and nice giant fucking tv on the mantel in the Christmas tree pic, Jack.

“Thank(space)you for all that you do I buy”

(ETA not sure why these two random attachments are here, sorry, but they’ll have to stay cos I can’t figure out how to fix as I’m now BUSY)

 

[Ellabella]

She's trying to appear all food knowledgeable by referring to comte. But as usual she gets it wrong, because she knows fuck all about food. The "hard cheese" will be trying to pass off as something similar to parmesan (or grana padano), a hard sharp salty cheese. Comte is semi-hard, buttery caramel flavours, not a grating cheese and completely different melting properties. God she annoys me.

 

[CarrotsandSticks]

Tattle organised a two day Best of Jack Monroe Fest at the Palais Schönbrunn in Vienna. Some came dressed up as their favourite Jack Persona, Viv was worn. There was a studio, like at the FriendsFest, with various backgrounds - side-boards, scary kitchen backdrop, colour coordinated bookshelves, a hammock to stage sad or thirstie selfiies. Some of you were in your choice Court Costumes. Scenes from The Poverty were played out in Musical & Dramatic form at the stage. There were food stalls. It was sooo busy and you got to meet irl your fave Tattlers on here, a bit like Bravo Con. Tattlers flew in from all over the World, I hung out with a really nice Mexican. Live therapy sessions with The Brother, Big Dave, her Mum, Burger Boy ..… some of the horses from The Spanish riding school were there too, not sure why but hoping in hindsight not for the Béchamel. I just woke up but it was so so vivid !!! Am actually a bit sad it was only a dream.

 

[BlendedSlop]

If you're a "campaigner and author" who hasn't raised the profile of anything apart from Asda and Farrow & Ball for the past year, has no paid work on the horizon, can't even give your "best book yet" away and appear to be collecting CCJs like Pokemon, do you:

A: Do some fucking campaigning (there's a little cost of living situation going on at the moment? Don't know if you've heard) and hopefully secure yourself some paid work off the back of it.

B: Get a salaried job and softly, gently accept that your five minutes of "fame" are up.

C: Make some candle holders out of old bean tins.




Still, the revival of Arts & Crafts Jack gives me the perfect opportunity to remind everyone of her previous foray into candle making - which, bizarrely, led directly to the "I used to work in a brothel" reveal.

 

[GigglePops]

While Rome burns .....


View attachment 2011305

Not pictured- DeWalt Drill & Battery Set RRP £299

 

[jenny2603]

“Carefully” poured in.

I love the way she always emphasizes you should do things “carefully”.

View attachment 2011621

Spoiler: Do it CAREFULLY. WARNED.

View attachment 2011743

View attachment 2011747

View attachment 2011744

View attachment 2011751

View attachment 2011755

View attachment 2011748

View attachment 2011756

View attachment 2011757

View attachment 2011762

View attachment 2011763

View attachment 2011765

View attachment 2011767

View attachment 2011764

View attachment 2011769

View attachment 2011772

View attachment 2011773

Does she think the rest of just fling stuff around our kitchens like we’re Bryan Brown and Tom Cruise in Cocktail?
View attachment 2011629

I prefer to do things painstakingly myself.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Sad how she still wangs on about being in the fire service (ie, answering phones) all these years later. She's gonna hang around pubs that are fire station adjacent soon, trying to geg in on any fire staff convo on the next table like that sketch out the fast show - 'hardest game in the world that'. While everyone stares at their pint awkwardly and moves when she goes the bog.

This is one of her big problems isn’t it, she doesn’t belong anywhere. Doesn’t seem to have retained any friends from school / the fire service, no social circle from work, not a chef or a campaigner or a proper writer / journalist. No partner she’s fallen softly, gently in love with. Her son doesn’t appear to spend much time with her, and tbh he’s almost 13 and I imagine most boys of that age prefer to spend time with friends instead of their mums, even when you don’t factor in her being a horrid narc mum. The only place she has any sense of “community” is through AA, and I’d wager most of the members of her group wish she’d go away and the rest feel sorry for her. So nowhere to belong, and no real sense of self / purpose / place in the world, so all she can wang on about is a job she LEFT 13 years ago and lying about drilling holes in tin cans. And all entirely her own fault, because she has a horrible personality, lies about everything and elevenerifes everyone constantly. What a sad little life Jack.

ETA: forgot i showed my SB this the other day and asked if he wanted to try it for dinner:

His answer? “Mummy that’s worms, disgusting”, which is odd because I thought he’d clap and declare it the best ever. And ever since when I ask what he wants to eat his first answer is “not WORMS mummy!”

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Comte is not hard. It’s bendy. Like a slightly firmer emmenthal. I am a french adjacent Frau so I am up on your French cheese. Manchego is Spanish and similar. Neither of them are like Parmesan.

I know you’re all going to be shocked, but …

 

[NellieBoo]

It's Tuesday!

 

[MancBee]

While Rome burns .....


View attachment 2011305

What the hecking heck is Jack playing at? Who has time to waste making fugly looking "lanterns" out of bits of string and old candle wax? Jack's totally lost it this time.

That looks like a burn mark on the kitchen surface. The landlordlady won't be happy.

And suggesting putting them on a bath edge....Eeeeek, especially as most baths are plastic now. I know someone who's teenage daughter put tealights on a bath surround and melted the bath. The housing association made her pay for it to be replaced. Nice Tip Jack, you going to stump up for anyone who damages a rental property with your madcap ideas?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

View attachment 2014800

Spoiler

View attachment 2014804View attachment 2014806View attachment 2014807View attachment 2014821View attachment 2014822View attachment 2014823View attachment 2014824View attachment 2014808View attachment 2014809View attachment 2014810View attachment 2014811View attachment 2014812

I know what you’re saying but I honestly think she only does this grim faux frugal stuff for her personal brand. Like someone else has said the patronising MC liberals Pat her on her head like she’s a toddler who’s just bought back a feather adorned paper lantern from nursery so in turn she thinks she’s done some work. But this is not how she lives. She’s not eating the Asda yellow sticker slop for sustenance, she gets Ocado orders. She’s not decorating her home with old tins she’s got flower subscriptions and Jo Malone candles.

As Hotes said some of the grim cluttered aesthetics is just to convey an image of what she wants to be - like a cool kitsch collector with an eye for design - but it misses the mark because she’s not and never has been that person. She’s a John Lewis hun who’ll just buy everything off a table display in store twice over.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

My own SB cultivated an extremely wide eyed innocent look whenever he was lying. The more innocent he was trying to look the more you could tell he was lying . Bless him. My favourite was when he carved his initials in to a piece of furniture (a Sideboard if you will, to keep it on topic) and tried to say it was my SG who dunnit. She was well under 2 years old and had no access to the tool in question (a compass out of his maths set, left at the scene of the crime), and couldn't write. There was only the 3 of us in the house, and I didn't do it, the innocent face did not work, as it did not take Miss Marple to work out whodunnit

THAT’S DISGUSTAN!

On an aside, once we’d worked out who the bully was in our year group, we’d graffiti his name “Liam Robins Woz Ere” so he’d always get detention for it and miss the ice cream van that parked up outside the gates at half 3. Fuck him.
---
… and that’s why I’m no longer a teacher

 

[Mr Krabs]

Jack Monroe has the same initials as Jamie Moliver. Makes u think.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Random mither

Spoiler

Why are her sunglasses, her jewelry and her manky old sheets she pretends to sleep on the sofa with kept right next to the bed in her “son’s” bedroom

Also, when I just did a search on google to find that pic, THIS popped up in the search results and I’m DYING! Which one of you crazy kids did this?! It’s GLORIOUS!!!!

Spoiler: Talented Frau Magnificent Art

 

[TrolleyParton]

PS “Two hour discussion about steampunk and retrofuturistic fashions” is never ever not WTAF

I'd love to see Steampunk Jack. She'd be wearing two empty tuna cans fashioned into goggles.

 

[MavisBeacon]

I asked Mr Beacon how he would react if he had found me making those lanterns while we were doing our heckin' big declutter to move into our forever home last year. His response was mostly unprintable, but he did also say he would marry me just so he could divorce me for it.

Frauen, does that count as a proposal???

 

[Geetbo]

How she has resisted snark tweeting tonight I will never know. She must be handcuffed to a radiator somewhere.

 

[Emmapism]

Recap: she's back and we all wish she wasn't

 

[Mr Krabs]

Ha, I’ve just noticed in her Dear Mr Farrington pompous wank letter that she customised her Pride t shirt. That round neckline wasn’t doing her 36DDs any favours!

View attachment 2010541

Some people are gay.

Not Jack tho.