Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[People-huv-tae-know]

It's a fake egg and no one knows why she has it.
My daughter has some because she has chickens. When chickens go broody they go into weird trance for weeks and all the other chickens beat them up. You have to separate them and put the rubber eggs under them so that snap out of the trance.

Maybe Jack sits on the rubber egg when she wants to enter a fugue state?

 

[GigglePops]

Just why when there's a spenny yankee candle right behind them

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Way behind...but she didn't make those holes with a hammer and screwdriver. No chance. She used a drill. The tin would be dented and bent and the holes would be irregular but they are perfect. What a pointless lie.

 

[houseofhoop]

Why lie about something so trivial though? She's 35 and still making up fantasies like a five year old would do. I really don't understand.

I have a theory about this. I have a relative, similar age, she has no friends as she’s alienated them all through her gaslighting and lies, so she feels those unknowns on Instagram are her friends so tells them all the mundane aspects of her life. Only when she sees it written down she realises how seriously boring and desperate she sounds, so she embellishes the story…
This sounds familiar….I think Jack tells these lies cos she has no friends to gossip to, so she does it to the internet and lies about to make it seem that her life is all ‘I’m mad me!’

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

It's money to burn, for sure.

Most adults have financial obligations and goals though. And Jack has a 12 year old which makes it all the more insane to me. £6k net would comfortably allow you a decent sized property mortgaged, insurances, a car, childcare, savings for your kid, savings/investments/pensions, children’s clubs/hobbies, holidays, some clothes/homeware etc, but not all of the above AND that excessive level of consumption. This is why I’ll always be a not buying truther lol cos I truly believe that she’s prioritised that level of consumption over everything else in her life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s in debt for it. Like high income or not I’ve never seen someone amass the sheer volume of stuff she has and especially not whilst renting? And I know her house is big but it’s still not big enough to accommodate it all. Like she’s managed to fill a larger than avg property you can see how crammed in all the tat is in her floor to ceiling wall to wall furnishings

 

[TrolleyParton]

Sorry, I realise all that stuff is really popular but why do you need stupid bits of obviousluy fake scrap wood with home written on them to tell you where you are? It reminds me of what I was house hunting and someone had stencilled the word "Bath" above the bath. I suppose it would stop confused farmers leading a flock of sheep in for a drink but it upsets me.

I mean, she had a toaster that said "Toaster" on it and yet she still couldn't recognise it as a toaster.

 

[Ellabella]

I'm loving all the specialist cheese talk. Funny how some fraus know more about cheese than THE self-appointed Literal Food Expert. Makes you think.

I'm a horrific cheese snob. Years ago I had a huge online argument with someone who insisted wensleydale & apricot was delicious and befitting of a Christmas cheese board.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I wish I was good at photoshop as I’d love to see a goat playing kitchens

The goat kitchens are much cleaner than Jack’s

And even better…

Spoiler

 

[reCAPTCHA]

At the risk of doing a Jack and elevenerifing that……I managed to call my (German) boss a nazi in a email because the changed “nos”

So instead of the email reading: These nos (numbers) will kill us, it changed it to These nazis will kill us

I love stuff like this. One of my staff once sent a text to hundreds of our parents

”Remember to bring your willies to forest school tomorrow.”

My email box was rammed the next day; I was quite heartened at the overwhelmingly positive response Our best text ever apparently……

 

[Valiofthedolls]

It’s also a very different story from her account of the MEAN PEOPLE in 2016.

Which is fucking nonsensical given that these people were all sitting in Leggy’s house at the time. The Leggy who got expelled from St Paul’s Girls and also “didn’t go to university”.

Weirdly though, they only singled Jack out to mock for not going to university? Must be because she’s an insufferable cunt.

 

[TheCat'sMother]

What the hecking heck is Jack playing at? Who has time to waste making fugly looking "lanterns" out of bits of string and old candle wax? Jack's totally lost it this time.

That looks like a burn mark on the kitchen surface. The landlordlady won't be happy.

And suggesting putting them on a bath edge....Eeeeek, especially as most baths are plastic now. I know someone who's teenage daughter put tealights on a bath surround and melted the bath. The housing association made her pay for it to be replaced. Nice Tip Jack, you going to stump up for anyone who damages a rental property with your madcap ideas?

Yep, looks like a burn mark on the worktop to me too.

And the delightful honk of burning plastic in the bathroom is sooooo relaxing.

Also, with metal being an excellent conductor of heat, it won't just be the top of the tin can that will be "toastie".

Haven't our overstretched A & E units got enough to do besides attending to 1st degree burns on Jackie's simpletons? Give me strength...

 

[lilykestrel]

Just had the thought of the other residents at the new place taking rubbish down to the bin shed to be accosted by their new neighbour as she hangs a load of tin can-dles off the trees in the communal green space; "THEY'RE LIKE FIREFLIES ON A DUSKY EVENING"

 

[Ablemabel]

What a phenomenal waste of time AND they look shit as well as being a fire hazard.

ETA She's also essentially just admitted she's spent the afternoon making crap. The squigs are absolutely blind to it!

 

[mince]

Well, the honk was strong with that un!
She did make some decent points however but she was definitely under prepared as evidenced by her closing statement 'they're wrong' (akin to 'there just is' DKL mince fat content). She also neglected to say that obesity is often linked to genetics so drugs may be ineffectivein such cases. She is right that it is a moral issue though, drug side affects for one thing and making people feel like second class citizens. We should also be pointing the finger at food manufacturers who use addictive and highly processed ingredients. The pills are just a sticking plaster solution from the government who don't want to lose taxes from food companies or pay out benefits.

This really concerns me. I don’t know why they used her for this piece. If they (Adrian?) have started selling her as a Rent A Honk expert in the weight / nutrition area it won’t be long before she starts throwing around inaccurate information as hard facts, which could do considerable damage. Much as she does for every other bloody thing really, but this is jangling an alarm for me.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Does anyone remember that ‘essay’ she was writing when she was doing her nutrition degree, which sounded like a total shitshow?

I don’t remember the essay when she was “doing the nutrition degree” but I do remember when she wanted to “go back to the start” (the start of what?!) and “research the history and philosophy of Indian cuisine” which was apparently in some tangential way related to becoming a vegan…

Jack Monroe: My meat addiction is over – I’ve gone vegan, and it’s brilliant

No hard-to-find ingredients, no complicated recipes, no cruelty: vegan food is affordable, accessible and absolutely delicious

www.theguardian.com

The Guardian have a LOT to fucking answer for indulging her and paying her to come out with such utter shite over the years

 

[Country Bumpkin]

Comté is just gruyère made in a specific location (PDO). It looks a lot like manchego.
Sorry lads, I think I've just outed myself as a fromage Frau

Yeah, that's not helping... what's a manchego?

 

[Veronicaaa]

Few pages behind but is that a fucking beauty blender in with the utensils???

It's an inexplicable egg.

 

[LadyGarden]

She's batshit crazy, and still the dreary brain-dead Comments Club will be kissing her arse.

She promised 4 blogs a week and hasn't even done 1, she has CCJs piling up due to not providing her Patreon rewards. What does Jack do? Boil up some shards of wax, punch holes into tin cans and try to set the bungahouse on fire.

Jack is a lazy fucking arsewipe.

 

[WoolyMammoth]

If I ever drill holes in a tin can to make a candle from bits of Yankee candle I somehow got for free from a puddle or picked straight from the Yankee candle tree in full fruit, can someone arrange the necessary (t)intervention? Thanks y'all. Just a wee request from a not American not Scottish Mammoth.

 

[moaningmyrtle24]

Is Jack doing Eurovision?!

 

[Deeznutslol]

Fuck me, how bored our of your mind must u be to be sat in the house drilling holes in cans to make ‘lanterns’??? For the love of god, just get a job ffs