Jack Monroe #482 Absolute Talent Abyss

[blurstoftimes]

Funny you should mention hamsters, because according to Jack, that’s what boys smell of

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Until they grow up, that is. Men apparently manage to cover up the hamster smell with Lynx, but they can’t mask the whiff of Wotsits.

View attachment 2003192
Jack’s 25 birthday. Already a bleep.

Birthdays, A Rambling. Echo & Gazette Column, 19 March.

celebrated my birthday on Sunday, and those of you who asked were simply told that it was a ‘milestone’. A quarter of a century milestone at that, and when I say I celebrated on Sunday, what I actu...

web.archive.org

Also, do all fire stations have dance floors? Or is that just the ones you can hire out for birthday parties?
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is jack the only person in the world who spent their 25th birthday talking politics over beaujoulais and stuffed peppers

 

[MooBelle]

People selling Southend pubs in February 2013?

View attachment 2003176

So looking up a property on Rightmove is acceptable to you Jack?
OK then, thanks for clarifying.
(crappy bungalow still not on there btw)

 

[rogueapostrophe]

is jack the only person in the world who spent their 25th birthday talking politics over beaujoulais and stuffed peppers

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She always speaks about her son like he ruins everything for her. See how he ruins her birthday because his is selfishly 14 days after hers, therefore taking all the fun out of it for her because she has to spend 2 weeks planning his party. How does jelly and screaming require 2 weeks prep? It's at her parents' house and you know Jack-o-lazy made them do all the party planning and set-up.

 

[Hollaaa]

Looking forward to Jamie getting right up in Jack's niche on Monday night.

 

[RinsingHoops]

I believe I’ve also found the inaugural implausible “everybody clapped and cheered”. Where her son clapped and cheered, then everybody clapped and cheered (while her son said something improbable).

Spoiler: Hurrah for Jack!

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What a boring bleeping anecdote to write a blog post about. She’s always been a tedious prick. I’ll give her a clap and cheer for consistency there.

The incidents described below also did not happen, and I fully believe that Jack only wrote this column because she wanted to show off that she had a lovebite.

(It’s the Rimmel shoplifting nonsense for those who want to skip, as it’s been mithered over before)

Spoiler: A smorgasbord of amused and furious

With my BEST FRIEND. View attachment 2002999View attachment 2003000View attachment 2003001View attachment 2003002View attachment 2003003
Nasty, snotty privileged little prick.

Mind you, I’m adopting this as I think this speaks for us all here on the Jack Monroe threads. And it’s in a cacophony of nonsensical Jack speak too. So a bonus.
View attachment 2003004

Was she wearing a duffel coat and beanie hat?

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Imagine the catering at SBs birthday…

Is the bungadoom up for rent yet?

 

[I'm not actually here]

Was she wearing a duffel coat and beanie hat?

I'm glad somebody worked out what she was wearing, had me baffled duffled. As to the importance of what she was wearing, I'm still in the dark. But illuminated by a lime green fleece as she snogs a lad from upper 6th on the dance floor when she is a hard core lesbian. Send enlightenmentos.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Funny you should mention hamsters, because according to Jack, that’s what boys smell of

View attachment 2003187

Until they grow up, that is. Men apparently manage to cover up the hamster smell with Lynx, but they can’t mask the whiff of Wotsits.

View attachment 2003192
Jack’s 25 birthday. Already a bleep.

Birthdays, A Rambling. Echo & Gazette Column, 19 March.

celebrated my birthday on Sunday, and those of you who asked were simply told that it was a ‘milestone’. A quarter of a century milestone at that, and when I say I celebrated on Sunday, what I actu...

web.archive.org

Also, do all fire stations have dance floors? Or is that just the ones you can hire out for birthday parties?
View attachment 2003195

Jack's 25th birthday celebrations, full of friends, going out for meals/drinks,and dropping in on family and chocolates and flowers, this was a few weeks after, Jack claimed she tried to end herself in February 2013 Jack wrote about it in graphic detail, in August 2013.

This was the time she was tottering from shop to shop, in the pouring rain, a damp small boy in one had, doubtless a tearstained cv In the other, wearing her only pair of shoes, and So it is lucky she got a pair of dms for her birthday

 

[WhyYouCry?]

As opposed to what? 14.5 days? I hate how bad she is with words. I especially hate how bad she is with words while claiming to be a ‘writer’. Exactly 2 weeks? Makes sense in the context. Exactly 14 days? Makes no sense in the context.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

How do we square this from 2022

With this and this from 2014 and 2013?

Spoiler

Did the Home Economics teacher only “grudgingly” give her a low D because she really wanted to give her an A or something? And why’s 2022 Jack all bent out of shape about that D given that 2013 Jack makes clear it was her bleeping fault she failed because she didn’t bother to go to class or do the work? Send explanationos.

Also the Home Economics teacher’s name starts with S and she is definitely not Borb or Jhennie. One of the two is the head of year lady who either said she was only good for flipping burgers or only good for making burgers, and who either got sent a book and “thanked for the career advice” or sent a book and told “this is a burger recipe” (depending on whether its 2022 or 2015 and which version of the lie Jack is telling).

So who is the other laydee in Piotor, Jenie and Borb?! Stared-at Asda manager, Bring her down a peg or two Governor, Old Chief and Deputy Head who lectured her in his office were all fellas. WHO IS JHENIE or BORB?! This is a MYSTERY!

 

[NowThen]

I believe I’ve also found the inaugural implausible “everybody clapped and cheered”. Where her son clapped and cheered, then everybody clapped and cheered (while her son said something improbable).

Spoiler: Hurrah for Jack!

View attachment 2002992View attachment 2002994
What a boring bleeping anecdote to write a blog post about. She’s always been a tedious prick. I’ll give her a clap and cheer for consistency there.

The incidents described below also did not happen, and I fully believe that Jack only wrote this column because she wanted to show off that she had a lovebite.

(It’s the Rimmel shoplifting nonsense for those who want to skip, as it’s been mithered over before)

Spoiler: A smorgasbord of amused and furious

With my BEST FRIEND. View attachment 2002999View attachment 2003000View attachment 2003001View attachment 2003002View attachment 2003003
Nasty, snotty privileged little prick.

Mind you, I’m adopting this as I think this speaks for us all here on the Jack Monroe threads. And it’s in a cacophony of nonsensical Jack speak too. So a bonus.
View attachment 2003004

Duffel coat duffel coat duffel coat beanie beantie duffel coat....djeeezzz

 

[Morning Mimosa]

I'm afraid that teacher is incorrect. Jack is no good at cooking burgers at all. Dire.

 

[blurstoftimes]

How do we square this from 2022
View attachment 2003238
With this and this from 2014 and 2013?

Spoiler

View attachment 2003242
View attachment 2003243View attachment 2003289View attachment 2003244View attachment 2003245View attachment 2003246

Did the Home Economics teacher only “grudgingly” give her a low D because she really wanted to give her an A or something? And why’s 2022 Jack all bent out of shape about that D given that 2013 Jack makes clear it was her bleeping fault she failed because she didn’t bother to go to class or do the work? Send explanationos.

Also the Home Economics teacher’s name starts with S and she is definitely not Borb or Jhennie. One of the two is the head of year lady who either said she was only good for flipping burgers or only good for making burgers, and who either got sent a book and “thanked for the career advice” or sent a book and told “this is a burger recipe” (depending on whether its 2022 or 2015 and which version of the lie Jack is telling).
View attachment 2003259
View attachment 2003261So who is the other laydee in Piotor, Jenie and Borb?! Stared-at Asda manager, Bring her down a peg or two Governor, Old Chief and Deputy Head who lectured her in his office were all fellas. WHO IS JHENIE or BORB?! This is a MYSTERY!

what is more shocking - that little pov teenage jack's dream dish involved vermouth or that her home economics teacher happily bought it for her student and presented it to her in school. this story reads like an extra chapter in matilda ffs.

 

[Humblepumble]

With a “child born out of wedlock”, no less

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#1878truther

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Jack's 25th birthday celebrations, full of friends, going out for meals/drinks,and dropping in on family and chocolates and flowers, this was a few weeks after, Jack claimed she tried to end herself in February 2013 Jack wrote about it in graphic detail, in August 2013.

This was the time she was tottering from shop to shop, in the pouring rain, a damp small boy in one had, doubtless a tearstained cv In the other, wearing her only pair of shoes, and So it is lucky she got a pair of dms for her birthday

Also the time she had a full time job on a newspaper. And posted FIVE PAGES of posts on her blog, at least one post most days of February, many with varied recipes she was making, with lots of ingredients and with pictures, all very upbeat in tone.

I'VE GOT A BRAND NEW JOB AND I'M SO EXCITED I COULD SQUEAK!

As ever, it’s been a bit of a week. Although I’ve already squeaked to those on my private Facebook page a few days ago, I can finally let a big cat out of a straining bag and tell you all that as o...

web.archive.org

Oh and she was also, unusually, home with her son all day every day for the first half of the month (as he was normally at Sure Start, apparently) having lots of jolly fun times and watching DVDs on her non existent TV that she’d sold, and helping clean out her DEAD grandad’s place at the weekend.

11 Days With Small Boy: Column for the Echo & Gazette, 12th Feb.

It's been 11 days now since Small Boy has attended nursery. For a Mum who was used to sending her little cherub off into the capable and happy hands of the local Sure Start centre, suddenly finding...

web.archive.org

But was also apparently at the very same time in desperate dire straits, at rock bottom, with bailiffs pounding down the door, in the rain, and using a food bank.

Spoiler: TW su**ice

I guess she had to hide those wounds from her coworkers at the paper too. And she must have stolen the food for all her blog recipes, and put on a brave face for her blog readers while lying to them? Or she’s lying in this blog post to own an undergraduate student who wrote a piece about her (and who she deliberately incited a pile-on of, causing the student to have to shut down all her social media)?

Here’s that post. Full of bleeping disgusting lies. And still up on her blog, unlike all these other posts that the manipulative bleep deleted because they don’t fit her bullshit backstory

“The rain is just as wet, when you went to a grammar school. It soaks you to the skin, and your three year old, too.” (TRIGGER WARNING)

I’d like to apologise to anyone I seem to have mortally offended with my apparent ‘conventional attractiveness’ and taste for middle eastern food. In an article published today on…

cookingonabootstrap.com

Here are all Jack’s February 2013 posts. Like duck was she using a food bank in February 2013 let alone any of that other despicable bullshit. Jack Monroe is a bleeping disgusting lying, weaponizing, manipulative bleep of the highest order.

Posts from February 2013 on A GIRL CALLED JACK

10 posts published by Jack Monroe (OurSouthend) during February 2013

web.archive.org

 

[Emmapism]

A for achievement but low marks for effort. Ah that's because she wants you to think she's such a fantastic writer that she can get incredible marks when she just 'bashes something out' you see.

The entire dictionary we have compiled of Jack misunderstanding both the meaning and usage of many many words BEGS TO DIFFER. But sure, you've managed to get published.

How are the sales of Grifty Kitchen doing, Jack? Bet new publishers are lining up around the block to sign you.

 

[glubby]

Facetuned mackie
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Why does the first picture make me think of the mean boy next door in Toy Story She looks like she’s about to smash that milk bottle over someone’s head.

 

[Hold my beans]

How do we square this from 2022
View attachment 2003238
With this and this from 2014 and 2013?

Spoiler

View attachment 2003242
View attachment 2003243View attachment 2003289View attachment 2003244View attachment 2003245View attachment 2003246

Did the Home Economics teacher only “grudgingly” give her a low D because she really wanted to give her an A or something? And why’s 2022 Jack all bent out of shape about that D given that 2013 Jack makes clear it was her bleeping fault she failed because she didn’t bother to go to class or do the work? Send explanationos.

Also the Home Economics teacher’s name starts with S and she is definitely not Borb or Jhennie. One of the two is the head of year lady who either said she was only good for flipping burgers or only good for making burgers, and who either got sent a book and “thanked for the career advice” or sent a book and told “this is a burger recipe” (depending on whether its 2022 or 2015 and which version of the lie Jack is telling).
View attachment 2003259
View attachment 2003261So who is the other laydee in Piotor, Jenie and Borb?! Stared-at Asda manager, Bring her down a peg or two Governor, Old Chief and Deputy Head who lectured her in his office were all fellas. WHO IS JHENIE or BORB?! This is a MYSTERY!

Heartbroken here that after paying for all her out of school activities, her parents wouldn't pay for necessary ingredients. Poor Jack, all her parents' fault and not her's for bunking off reading in the library

 

[AlwightDallin]

B*llocks has she ever framed an SB pic - firstly she couldn’t afford bloody jam now she’s spending minimum £1 a throw on frames in 2012 and secondly because in all the times she’s overshared her home and life never ONCE has there been a framed masterpiece by her only child. Ever. Only the Emin.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I guess I’m confused, Jack. Is it ok to spite-post things to people’s houses unsolicited?

You know, given that she was “knocking on for retirement” back when you were at school so you must definitely have had to send it to her house not the school by 2014 when the book came out.

Or is it NOT ok to “spite”-post things to people’s houses unsolicited?