Jack Monroe #482 Absolute Talent Abyss

[Captainmouse]

Sandi is talking nipples

 

[Mrs Peel]

She is an absolute bleeping sociopath when it comes to animals in her “care”. No two ways about it.

She is. Out of everything she has done, that is the worst for me. I would be perfectly fine with her taking free money from idiots for the rest of her life if it meant that she stayed far away from animals.

 

[GigglePops]

She's clearly never accidentally turned the selfie camera on and seen herself chins first
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Yeah we did too, the less said about that the better.

Fixed it for you tender root
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She can design the kitchen anyway she likes, as long as she doesn't paint it

I realised that I got the wrong end of the stick. It's been a long day and I've taken 40 tramadols* and drank a bottle of whisky**. I thought she was implying that she had designed it the way a kitchen designer would and that the LL fitted it, when actually what she meant was that she decided where to put her two toasters, her manky ebay puddle cutlery and the two weird table top ovens. That's 'kitchen design', which is something I've only heard of used this way in relation to setting up a new professional kitchen. She's such a head.

*midget gems
**elderflower pressé

 

[MoistenedGussets]

She's clearly never accidentally turned the selfie camera on and seen herself chin first

I accidently touched the camera icon earlier, for moment, I thought I'd restarted the Walking Dead episode I'd been watching... Yikes..

 

[StatusWoe]

Her labia will be flapping around like the sails on a galleon.

Our Flaps Mean Death

 

[Phillipa78]

It's a good job the brambly mice didn't snack on the Smeg! Surely it would be scuffed if it had been moved that many times? What a ridiculous lie. She may as well have claimed she moved it into a travellodge and gone full on Alana Partridge.

 

[hoopdedoo]

Maybe I live in the wrong neighbourhoods, but I have never seen a bookcase or a sofa in a skip. They might have been there but they were probably so damaged and bashed up that even The Repair Shop wouldn't have been able to make them suitable for use.

Speaking of The Repair Shop, imagine Jack bringing something to them? She would honk about how sentimental the item was and mention her disabled poor lesbian single-parenthood to get Jay and the crew all misty-eyed. And then when she came to pick up the item she would probably complain about how the fix-up job wasn't good enough.

 

[Steelcitysass]

Okay, so been a bit of a lurker for a wee bit. First came here for the TPWW thread and fell in love with everyone's savagery and sheer genius. Lol. Anyways, I really hate to be the bearer of bad news here guys but Saint Victim of Interpersonal Transgressions has indeed been indelibly immortalised in a recent GCSE English Language paper.
However, all is not lost because I passed and got a grade 6 by ripping it a new hole with all my freshly learned literary devices..

 

[WoolyMammoth]

Hang on... Her friend gave her a Smeg fridge that sat in "her shed for years" as all her previous places had been too small. Where was this shed if not attached to a property she's living in? Does she separately rent a shed? Was it actually at her parents' place (in which case why not say so)? So bizarre and the more you think about it just sounds like a lie to cover the fact she bought it.

Hannah might have been the delivery driver from AO whom she met once and never spoke to again? Which is far and above the baseline qualification to be one of her very good friends.

 

[Katkat]

Okay, so been a bit of a lurker for a wee bit. First came here for the TPWW thread and fell in love with everyone's savagery and sheer genius. Lol. Anyways, I really hate to be the bearer of bad news here guys but Saint Victim of Interpersonal Transgressions has indeed been indelibly immortalised in a recent GCSE English Language paper.
However, all is not lost because I passed and got a grade 6 by ripping it a new hole with all my freshly learned literary devices..

 

[hollowhusk]

When Jack came out as non-binary, she wrote a blog post in which she claimed a previous relationship ended because her partner did not like the idea of her getting her breasts removed, and said "I fancy girls, babe!" She insisted it was years ago and was no one in the public eye (the time frame she gave suggested it was the policewoman she was engaged to in 2013) but given the way she phrased it, and the recent break-up with Allegra, some frauen suspect it was indeed Allegra

Jack Monroe's ready-meal challenge

Jack Monroe: Pushed for both time and money, many of us have come to rely on processed convenience food. But, with a little effort, you can make cheaper, tastier and healthier versions of the same dishes in your own kitchen

www.theguardian.com

I remember those ready meal recipes coming out and got to say I liked them and even looking at the recipes now they seem reasonable.

This was 9 years ago when Jack still seemed like a decent person and didn't constantly lie, have twitter meltdowns and grift. I wonder if the change came about due to alcohol or substance abuse and needing money to find that?

 

[Steelcitysass]

Let me see if I can dig out the paper later/tomorrow (If I still have it) ... It's on the other PC with my old English stuff on.

 

[houseofhoop]

How can you clean properly with all that tit everywhere?

It’s so obvious she’s trying to copy Leggys horder kitchen as she thinks it’s the ‘chef look’ but she gets it all horribly wrong. It’s just not quite there.
I mean, not to mention that legs kitchen looks like it’s a sticky oily mess anyway, dirty and grimy

 

[Mr Krabs]

It’s so obvious she’s trying to copy Leggys horder kitchen as she thinks it’s the ‘chef look’ but she gets it all horribly wrong. It’s just not quite there.
I mean, not to mention that legs kitchen looks like it’s a sticky oily mess anyway, dirty and grimy

Legz probably has a daily cleaner at least so it’s probably vaguely clean.

 

[hoopdedoo]

I mean, not to mention that legs kitchen looks like it’s a sticky oily mess anyway, dirty and grimy

Leggy gave the death stare to the TV presenter who suggested that it was important to wash the cutting board and the knife and your hands after handling raw chicken. Dirt and grime may be the least of the hygiene problems in her kitchen.

 

[FrumpyCat]

I remember those ready meal recipes coming out and got to say I liked them and even looking at the recipes now they seem reasonable.

This was 9 years ago when Jack still seemed like a decent person and didn't constantly lie, have twitter meltdowns and grift. I wonder if the change came about due to alcohol or substance abuse and needing money to find that?

Jack has always lied. The whole of hunger hurts was a lie - provable by what she was posting on social media at the time.

 

[Ablemabel]

Money/ Timeline Mither. From the series of posts @HotesTilaire grabbed where Jack self identifies as a bleep, where she’s about to pay a letting agent £2,200 the next day,
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Can we assume that this new place she moved into the very next day after that post cost £1,100 a month? (First month’s rent and deposit equal to first month’s rent?)
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You know,

Spoiler: The place she absolutely bleeping trashed

BEFORE JACK
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Clearly this was initially a 6 month lease cos it got renewed the following February.
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And by April 2017 she was rattling the begging bowl to pay her rent
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(while simultaneously posing in £1,000s of makeup and clothes on Mrs Gloss throughout March and April 2017 and being awarded £25,000 from Katie Hopkins in early March 2017).
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She moved out of there in June 2018 after she’d already got together with LJC. No way she got that deposit back and it likely cost a lot more than that to put it back the way it was pre-Jack too.

Plus the fact that she moved out of there into a smaller place and was very openly and publicly begging for rent money over a year before strongly suggests to me that this might well be the place (or one of the places) she screwed over the landlord by not paying rent and ultimately got evicted from.

New smoller place
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Mind you, something went awry in this place too given that she didn’t move in til mid-late June 2018 and was out of there and into the “costs £3,330 a month to live in” crappy bungamansion (brought to you by LJC and the letters G.R.I.F.T) by the middle of Feb 2019.
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(thanks and to @colouredlines and @Marmalade Atkins for all the screenies).

ETA it’s amazing how all Jack’s homes are her “dream homes” (until she completely fucks them up) too.

It's quite an achievement to absolutely duck a place over to that extent. Congratulations Jackie you have indeed completed that.

Landlord must have had an absolute tit fit at the state of it. I'll never conceive of how she ha so much stuff. Absolute tons of it. A huge amount of crap. Everywhere. And it's all HER stuff, not kids stuff. There are 5 of us here, 3 kids. We lived until a couple of years back in a much smaller property. Even when the kids were babies/toddlers and we had all the paraphernalia that goes along with that, never EVER was our house crammed with crap like that. No one needs all of that stuff.

Don't forget even start me on that Sweeney Todd kitchen. All those many, I imagine, expensive knives.

*shudders*
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View attachment 2001800

Send helpos

 

[CarmenGhia]

Leggy gave the death stare to the TV presenter who suggested that it was important to wash the cutting board and the knife and your hands after handling raw chicken. Dirt and grime may be the least of the hygiene problems in her kitchen.

When Leggy did her "Economy Gastronomy" TV bits, which Jack has blatantly cribbed, she used to refer to it as "the kitch".

That video of Jacqui claiming to be cooking in Lebanese/Syrian style was another absolute aneurysm for me. I'd class that as offensive to people from those countries and their excellent food traditions. Middle Eastern cooking can be very economical if you've bothered to learn about it properly - it's mostly staple stuff made tasty with condiments, always served with a proper dressed salad and fresh bread. And no Syrian cook would ever try to use a griddle or frying pan without heating the oil and frying off the ingredients properly. It doesn't work otherwise.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

I do sort of know what she was trying to achieve with that cluttered kitchen. I remember going to "cool" people's flats when I was a young idiot, and they would look like that...postcards from Paris on the fridge... Chilli string lights. It made me think of Betty Blue, the potential of friends sitting round the kitchen table talking about art and films

But that never happened, I love Ikea, and Jack's kitchen is a tit hole

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Facetuned mackie
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I need to invent new words to describe how much I hate that haircut on her.