Jack Monroe #477 I wish all millionaires cared about others like you do

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I really hate that thing she does when she repeats people’s names in her replies. She’s not Nigel Slater and it’s not an aubergine recipe.
It's an attempt at intimidation. I knew someone who used to excessively do this in every sentence as a way of trying to put people down (like: "well, Dave, you see, Dave, that's actually, Dave, not what we agreed, Dave, is it, Dave ...") Funnily enough he didn't like it when I tried it on him
 
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Oh christ, here i am on a mini break from family stuff with a cuppa in my fist just checking in. Take your kid out and touch grass or whatever your tedious bore.
 
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Quoting myself like a ninny to bring it back to the fake Christianity, but if anyone’s on good terms with the big guy Christian deity, please could you have a little word about getting a bit of smiting done? Even just smiting the phone or Twitter account would suit at this point. I don’t want her to stop breathing after all, so no need to get her smote directly - but her stopping tweeting this cringey fake shite would be an outcome worthy of some praise to the heavens.
 
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Now @Valiofthedolls I adore you but I feel you have just assumed Guess Who is a game for simpletons.
It's a skill to think three questions ahead. Glasses or hair first ? Do I go for gender early on?
Jack could never

NurseAli. Guess Who Wizard, Yorkshire Fair, 1984. GWW. NOB,
 
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JACK COULD NEVER!

TBF i just asumed in my imaginary scenario that she sent her brother off into the kitchen to get her a Fanta so she could look at his card while he was gone.
 
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I really hate that thing she does when she repeats people’s names in her replies. She’s not Nigel Slater and it’s not an aubergine recipe.
I part-quoted this this morning. I was burning my aubergine to make some burnt aubergine chilli and my daft anxious dog got all freaked out because the skin was making very faint crackling noises. I was like 'It's an aubergine, Alfie*' in a withering Nigel Slater voice.

*Not his real name
 
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And if SB's been with her for six days, what was the meal with SB's dad about on Sunday?


(She never did get back to the squig - though others helpfully stepped in and pointed to the £208 price on bisley.com)

I don't like speculating about SB's whereabouts - it's clear he's not with her most of the time, and that's all we really need to know. But Jack seems to actively court speculation with this mix of weirdly-specific over-sharing and tricksily-worded contradictory vagueness. Can't she just keep his business private?
 
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Now I want to make a custom Guess Who set where every picture is one of the many faces of Jack
 
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"It's in an inbox that not's on my phone"

All you ever use is gmail accounts love, just sign-in. UTTER BALLLLLLS.
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Now I want to make a custom Guess Who set where every picture is one of the many faces of Jack
Monropoloy?

Old Cunt Road?
Free Grifting?
Pick-A-Willy?
The Angel, I Slob A Tonne?
Contentville?
 
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One night in Southend and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the snow ain't free
You'll find a scarf in every golden puddle
And if you're lucky then the god's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

Barely had to change anything
 
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MITHER. Just a big mither. Sorry.

So after the announcement today of Sturgeon’s resignation, I don’t know why but I began to speculate about how much she might make on the after dinner speaking circuit (I think part of me was worried she’d be unemployed and poor? Weird). It led me down a rabbit hole of looking at different celebrities and the fees they charge for speaking. The biggest surprises for me were Chris Addison (the guy from The Thick of It who looks like a Quentin Blake illustration) charging over £20k per appearance, and Anne Widdecombe charging under £5k (I mean, she’s not popular but she is a well-known and experienced politician).

Meanwhile, Alistair Campbell was in the ‘Under £15k’ bracket. That’s right: for 10-15k, you can listen to a speech by a man who was right at the heart of the New Labour government, or… you can listen to a fantasist honk lies about how she used a sewing machine she found in a gutter to fashion an old tarpaulin into a pair of trousers, and that’s why she hates The Tories.
 
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