Jack Monroe #469 Spam fits my macros.

[SpritneyBeers]

Please tell me I'm not the only one who hears "head to the crack of the Pumble"

I've never exposed myself to the horror of her singing before and I definitely hear "if you crack out the poo balls"

 

[jenny2603]

Are the 'plates' removable? I have a Russell hobbs thingy where the plates come out for washing and the have different plates for different things. Cheaper than bunging on the cooker for bacon, sausages burger’s etc

I NOT sob
Hurrah for Russel Hobb.

 

[Elsie Ben Felyn]

Good grief. Less Marcel Marceau, more You bell, Monroe.

To be fair, I think that was the least of OH’s worries

Spoiler

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If anyone wants a new avi, or even if you just haven’t seen it before, there’s a LOT going on here. The expressions are a constant pendulum between simpleton and serial killer. No HONKING either so you can watch with the volume up

(That’s her “security filter” by the way)

 

[House of Carbonara]

This reminded me of one of the first things that made me go Hmmm re: JM's story & general personality. It was a tweet where she said something like:

I slowly, painstakingly dragged a cart full of heavy parcels through icy hail and winds to the post office this morning. Even though it was agony with my hurty shoulder and crumbling bones and I've probably caught pneumonia now. I know people's orders are late but it's just me, all by my little smol self, doing everything and it's really hard and you're all so mean and ungrateful.

Except somehow I remember it as being even more whiny than I can seem to write

ETA: I can't remember when that was so don't know what she was sending. Maybe Kickstarter books or possibly Patreon?

You forgot the pack of wolves chasing her...

---

Jack’s got a very limited understanding of lots of things. Especially

SAME
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v NOT THE SAME

Spoiler: From her G8 Summit Independent Article

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She's disgusting.

 

[Hold my beans]

Quite fitting coz she is an ODDBOX

 

[Inigomontoya]

Reposting.

View attachment 1912283

She certainly is an 'Oddbox'!

ETA great minds @Hold my beans!

 

[SweetTransvestite]

View attachment 1912338

"A pretty bleeping poof" SURE JAN.

She went through a phase of using this filter on everything and every time I saw it I nearly ground my teeth to powder. Just when you think she can't be any more bleeping annoying.

It's making me feel a bit 'stabby' which is inconvenient because I don't have to open any tins for dinner
Also, is it possible to regurgitate disgust because I'm now remembering the whole hilarious 'flappy fish' debacle too.

AND THE MUSIC

 

[Walkdengirl]

In my opinion (for what it's worth) is that she's moving hence the silence

 

[Justacatindisguise]

If you ever get the opportunity to sniff birds/animals, do it.

Did it to my cat the other day and her head stunk of tit DOES SHE WANT ME TO STOP BREATHING?

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

It's making me feel a bit 'stabby' which is inconvenient because I don't have to open any tins for dinner
Also, is it possible to regurgitate disgust because I'm now remembering the whole hilarious 'flappy fish' debacle too.

AND THE MUSIC

It's where the copyright free music just stops in the middle and there's a three second pause before it restarts. She couldn't even be arsed to loop it. Sloppy, cheap and tit just like everything she touches (apart from the sideboards )

 

[StatusWoe]

Are we still doing Jack as fish?

Spoiler: Fishies

 

[LadyGarden]

Coming from the past but I missed being able to join in the Viz/Rude Kid chat on the last thread because I was BUSY.

I used to love Roger Mellie the Man on the Telly sooooo, seeing as how Jack claims to only check her social media while she's on the loo I present:

Jack as Roger Mellie (aka Twitter on the Shitter).

.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

No problem. Clothes don’t really need washing. Just hang them up around the house to air them out. Or shove them in bin bags under the bed and just buy some more.

Are you my ex lodger? [narrows eyes]

Can't be. I'd be able to smell you from here if you were.

 

[diva.wps]

I still like the reason she gave for turning down a TV series
View attachment 1912061

We chat to 'A Girl Called Jack' author Jack Monroe • Northern Life

When Karen the editor asked if I fancied interviewing Jack Monroe for this issue I was whooping and a-cheering and telling everyone from the mums...

northernlifemagazine.co.uk

I remain hopeful of a show focused on Jack’s singing, dancing, poetry, home decor tips, cooking, thrifty hacks, fashion and makeup guidance, garden chair arranging and two year old hot takes on the issues of the day

Do you know what I think would be good? Louis Theroux meets Jack Monroe

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Don’t fear for Jack, my tenderstems. She’s just now softly, gently, painstakingly moving one scant item at a time across the mountains, prairies and valleys of Thorpe Bay all by her smol pixie self.
View attachment 1911843
One teeny teeny tiny arthritically agonized snuffling and giggling step closer, always closer, forever closer, to her grifted home and its impossibly bucolic spring-blooming forever hydrangea.

(ETA for those who don’t know, this is really Jack. It’s from her Insta )

Is it just me, or has she

a) lost her right leg and

b) photoshopped the remaining one to about six foot tall?

 

[RinsedHoops]

Jack as a piranha.
Piranhas are South American fish with razor-sharp teeth and a reputation for feeding frenzies. In fact, piranha means "tooth fish" in the Brazilian language of the Tupi people. However, not all piranha species have a taste for blood; some are vegetarian. I wonder if any piranhas are 90% vegan.
View attachment 1911870

Jack hun, get invisaline. If you can afford the Emin in the bathroom, you can afford it.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

I'm quite amused but the squigs who @ Jack to say that their favourite peas have gone up by 20p. What on earth do they think she's going to do about it.

Also I imagine it grates her mushrooms.

I would love someone to design a bot called ‘mitherbot’ to just randomly, slowly, gently report on price changes at her.

 

[Nonah]

I'm sad Dramatic Pause didn't make Fred title. Might flounce .

I’m honestly devastated and need some time to process this terrible betrayal. But I will *dramatic pause* dramatic pause rise.

 

[Day3TShirt]

To be fair, I think that was the least of OH’s worries

Spoiler

View attachment 1912234

If anyone wants a new avi, or even if you just haven’t seen it before, there’s a LOT going on here. The expressions are a constant pendulum between simpleton and serial killer. No HONKING either so you can watch with the volume up

(That’s her “security filter” by the way)

Christ, what did I just watch? Was like somebody who is unfamiliar with humans tried to depict one in a cartoon. (Love the fact that even cartoonified her nails still look filthy!)

 

[Mrs Peel]

Just popping in to say that Chinchillas smell lovely. All soft and baby powderish - and Jack don't you dare find one in a puddle because you have to look after them. For about 10 years.

How many walls do we reckon she or F&B hostage Matt Gloss have painted yet? My money's on zero. Still softly, gently, choosing colours.