Jack Monroe #469 Spam fits my macros.

[DragonBoy]

Big Adrian Mole vibes. If only she'd publish her diaries.

Oh god, can you imagine.
”Dear diary. What a bad day! One of the kids tried to smuggle a scalpel out of class and got caught. They say she‘ll be expelled. Everyone thinks she’s soooo cool now. I wish I was cool. I drew a quote on the back of my hand in pen and pretended it was a tattoo. The girls called me a dick and said they wished it was a real tattoo cos it looked so awful. I’ll show them one day. I’ll be the most tattooedest and coolest person ever.”

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I think the whole Young Fogey thing she sometimes tries is just her trying on another costume, another persona, something quirky to make her 'thing'.

I suspect it's also to do with how she tries to attract well-off posh older partners, she's sending out reassuring 'happy to stay home and browse the Boden catalogue with you' vibes.

Are you doubting her Young Fogey credentials? She had a CHESTERFIELD SOFA at 21 don’t you know!

Spoiler: CHESTERFIELD SOFA

AND she had amassed a lovely collection of Denby and Wedgwood by 24. Tragically, she had to sell that along with just about everything else she owned in August 2012 during The Poverty (TM) because she was TOO POOR to afford Abel and Cole weekly veg boxes, a parking space, a garden and separate rooms for kitchen, lounge, dining room, music studio and office purposes.

(both posts long, long deleted of course )

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Hang on, she was paying £725 in 2012?
And was this just before The Poverty when she quit her job?

 

[elepal]

Posted without comment…

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Not the first time I've wished we could somehow have pictorial thread titles

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Are you doubting her Young Fogey credentials? She had a CHESTERFIELD SOFA at 21 don’t you know!

Spoiler: CHESTERFIELD SOFA

View attachment 1916942

AND she had amassed a lovely collection of Denby and Wedgwood by 24. Tragically, she had to sell that along with just about everything else she owned in August 2012 during The Poverty (TM) because she was TOO POOR to afford Abel and Cole weekly veg boxes, a parking space, a garden and separate rooms for kitchen, lounge, dining room, music studio and office purposes.
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(both posts long, long deleted of course )

Why does she need a parking space when she can't drive? I'm apparently entitled to one here but I don't own a car, so what's the point?

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I am abour the same age as her, my sister is five years older than me. She used to record stuff from the radioo. I used to help her make radio shows using the radio and the voice recorder on her hifi( thats what they were called in those days) i think she hears people talk about things they did in the past and claims she did them too. In reailty, she probably was too busy beimg a prima ballerina to do normal kid things.

 

[hiyaaaacath]

When I was trying to find the WI receipts, I came across this. First ever big thing she won, the Fortnum’s award in mid 2013. Already an insufferable deluded bleep. People said it was THE BEST EVER and let me tell you this HILARIOUS thing I said! (PS did I tell you about the time I won a prize at primary school?)

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Still, at least she found a new bestie, aka godson of Prince Charles, son of the future Queen and “nicest man she’s met in her life” Tom PB. Take THAT, Saint Daddy, Slumlord DEAD Grandad and my child’s very involved, supportive (and crucially to my grift very very quiet) father. Tom is THE BEST!
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ETA And oh! Just in case you missed the first massively name dropping humble blog post, I’m going to tell the whole story again slightly differently and in more detail in a different post.

Spoiler: SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY!!!

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WINNER: JUDGES CHOICE AWARD at Fortnum & Mason Food And Drink Awards

So… I won’t keep you all in the same suspense that I was in tonight – I’ve just got home and thought I’d better write something scrambled and incoherent about the Fort…

cookingonabootstrap.com

And the other one

Photos from the Fortnum & Mason Food And Drink Awards

Kindly sent to me by Lindsay from Fortnum & Mason. Not to be reproduced without permission. Top to bottom: 1. Claudia Winkleman and her famous friend! 2. Impromptu nervous speech, which lots of...

web.archive.org

More working class cosplaying. Like all working class people lucky enough to be In a room with their BETTERS need to be grovelling boot lickers

“c’or blimey guvnor (while nervously scrunchingher flat cap in her hand) I didn’t expect to win, i woz just so happy and eternally grateful to be invited somewhere where the heatings on! I don’tfink I deserve to win but my gawwd am I grateful!” *bows scrapes, shuffles off stage, bumps into Claudia does nervous pixie giggle* AND EVERYONE CLAPPED

 

[SnowyCal]

I take it back! I had no idea it was still a thing in the 90s. Probably because I’m old

That’s the problem Jack has though. We all doubt EVERYTHING she says cause 99% of the time it’s total bullshit. So when she does tell the truth… we don’t believe her.

tbf, she’s probably not even talking about her own experience. I bet she’s seen a meme somewhere & has adopted it as her own experience

 

[hiyaaaacath]

Such a baffling thing for her to lie about.

As someone born in the 70s, I most definitely did do this but by the early 90s wasn't it all CD players anyway? Certainly by the time I trotted off to Uni in 1991 it was?

Also why was she acting like she was in her 80s when she was 27? Certainly explains those bloody vile gold tipped shoes, but really?

How old is she?

 

[Lazarus]

Why does she need a parking space when she can't drive? I'm apparently entitled to one here but I don't own a car, so what's the point?

My mum doesn’t drive. She has a car parking space assigned to her flat. If anyone parks in it, EVER, she leaves a note on their window. 🫣

 

[Feck]

Jack, the squigs NEED you!

 

[hiyaaaacath]

My mum doesn’t drive. She has a car parking space assigned to her flat. If anyone parks in it, EVER, she leaves a note on their window. 🫣

The neighbors in the upstairs flat fasten their (2) bikes to the inside of my fence (which is legally my land) and though it makes no difference to my life (apart from I hear them unlocking them sometimes) I’m petty enough for it to annoy me. I won’t say anything but I’m giving their bikes a hard stare sometimes

 

[Mr Krabs]

Why does she need a parking space when she can't drive? I'm apparently entitled to one here but I don't own a car, so what's the point?

Jack was going to sit in the space and pretend to drive a car. Beep beep! It’s a lot of fun as long as there aren’t any imaginary roundabouts.

 

[Naboo The Enigma]

Jack, the squigs NEED you!
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FFS how do these people get through their day to day business. Just buy own brand you utter, utter twonk

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Hang on, she was paying £725 in 2012?
And was this just before The Poverty when she quit her job?

No, this was DURING The Poverty, dear heart. She moved in there right as she was quitting her job- moved in there mid-late Oct 2011 after splitting with partner she’d been living with*, then quit job Nov 2011 “from her hospital bed” after being off work on long term sick (with stress IIRC). Pretty bleeping dumb to saddle yourself with a whopping rent when you’re signed off work just cos you fancy living in The Royal Mews, Southend.

She lived in that flat for a year then moved to the mirror tile kitchen one cos “it was nicer”. (Of course, in the retelling it’s now a damp disgusting mouldy shithole except the kitchen, she says, cos not entirely coincidentally that’s where most of the pics and vids of her in press were taken and it’s clearly not damp or mouldy)

* I REALLY personally think that split is what precipitated the final fire service flounce when it did. She didn’t have that live-in “childcare” for SB or a parter to ferry her to and from work any longer. I strongly suspect the flounce AND the move into a really spenny fancy Royal Mews flat and even The POV were in some ways SPITE “I’ll show you what you’ve done/caused and make you feel TERRIBLE” moves

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Jack was going to sit in the space and pretend to drive a car. Beep beep! It’s a lot of fun as long as there aren’t any imaginary roundabouts.

She needed a space for the car she bought before she could even drive, because Jack.

---

No, this was DURING The Poverty, dear heart. She moved in there right as she was quitting her job- moved in there mid-late Oct 2011 after splitting with partner she’d been living with*, then quit job Nov 2011 “from her hospital bed” after being off work on long term sick (with stress IIRC). Pretty bleeping dumb to saddle yourself with a whopping rent when you’re signed off work just cos you fancy living in The Royal Mews, Southend.

She lived in that flat for a year then moved to the mirror tile kitchen one cos “it was nicer”. (Of course, in the retelling it’s now a damp disgusting mouldy shithole except the kitchen, she says, cos not entirely coincidentally that’s where most of the pics and vids of her in press were taken and it’s clearly not damp or mouldy)

* I REALLY personally think that split is what precipitated the final fire service flounce when it did. She didn’t have that live-in “childcare” for SB or a parter to ferry her to and from work any longer. I strongly suspect the flounce AND the move into a really spenny fancy Royal Mews flat and even The POV were in some ways SPITE “I’ll show you what you’ve done” moves

You have THRUST me into PENURY!

Is penury a word? I think it’s a word. I don’t know. It keeps looking at me.

 

[whatisityoucan'tface]

FRAUEN... We need some career options for her

I had a short break from JM last weekend when the suicide baiting was just too annoying. Unfortunately I spent it browsing the Price, Westbrook and Dawson threads which made me wish for climate change to hurry up and finish the job

Anyway, one of the things that annoys me the most about these twats who want to be paid for posting their images (or worse, thoughts ) online is THIS COUNTRY HAS A MASSIVE SKILLS SHORTAGE. We are desperate for medical staff, care staff, construction workers, carpenters... The list goes on.

So there's one for you Jack - carpenter. Just think of all not-like-other-girls dungaree/plaid shirt/scarf in hair photo opportunities! You're welcome.

 

[DragonBoy]

How old is she?

Which version?

 

[Hold my beans]

I thought she was 23 when she had SB?

 

[Terrible]

How many times do we think she’s really moved flats/houses? I’m guessing maybe seven, tops.