Jack Monroe #469 Spam fits my macros.

[hoopdedoo]

She “lost 6lbs this week”? She couldn’t just say she lost 1lb, or even 2. No, she has to go with 6lbs just like she had to go for a bottle and a half of whisky a day, 40 tramadols, switching the fridge off, boiling soap, no Christmas tree, etc etc. She has no sense of moderation or proportion or normality.

I'm ROFLing at the comment below about "I'm going to switch off comments now to give other posts a chance". A classic passive-aggressive STFU if ever there was one.

 

[usefullyuseless]

She “lost 6lbs this week”? She couldn’t just say she lost 1lb, or even 2. No, she has to go with 6lbs just like she had to go for a bottle and a half of whisky a day, 40 tramadols, switching the fridge off, boiling soap, no Christmas tree, etc etc. She has no sense of moderation or proportion or normality.

She probably had the runs after eating one of her filthy nail slop creations, tender one.

Also I love the idea of Slopfest™️. I desperately want to hear Onion Police LIVE

 

[Valiofthedolls]

She was proper traumatized by that Katie Hopkins trial, wasn’t she? Waffling this shite right in between the hearing and the opinion.

Also, how can she look like that in those gloss pics when she looked like THIS IRL. Make-up is truly AMAZING!

 

[Captainmouse]

FRAUEN... We need some career options for her....

Oscars understudy

 

[Country Bumpkin]

Perhaps the fraus could get together for an annual festival - a cross between Glastonbury and a renaissance fair. Maybe name it Slopfayre or Slopstock or Fraufair? Everyone turns up wearing their best court outfits. Music from Pet Slop Bots, catering from Ocado. Prizes can be won for the following games: hook a duck brambly mouse, guess the number of coins in the bathtub, pin the hands on Caroline, whack-a-pumble, cross-country yomping (first one to Asda wins!). All fairground rides will have a Monroeverse theme - Snow Grotto, experience real-life blizzards in a safe environment; tunnel of tender lovers (don't panic, it's just a boat ride); Flouncy Castle; Big Fat Greek Sledding. There will be a model 'village' but naturally it will only contain the crappy bungalow.

We can do historical re-enactments too. The 'historic events' would be scenes from the life of Jack and could include: improbable sloping platform mishap, the escape of Harold from Dordrecht, the Great Potato Flounce, The Pumble Terrorising Villagers of Olde Southend. There will be jousting to symbolise the Oliver-Monroe feud. Attendees will join a commemoration of the Slopalong Martyrs. To close the event, a procession of fraus could burn an effigy of their choosing (the dire potato, wicker Katie Hopkins, giant tinned chickpea, SIDEBOARDS). Then everyone applauds.

Nobody can say I haven't thought this through.

Proper and at this. I'll be there! I love a good cross country yomp!

 

[dickanddom]

I think the moving theory is correct and suspect that Farrow & Ball paints are being deployed while we mither about fish and makeup. I just popped over to have a look at Mrs Gloss, as it’s been mentioned a few times. But then I suddenly remembered Matt Gloss. Poor chap. He’s probably on his knees painting the third coat of Slopster Teal onto the skirting boards in the new living room second bedroom, and wondering what kind of exchange of services he’s let himself in for. From Mrs Gloss to Matt Gloss…

 

[JustLooking2Day]

Just in case there is an intervention, and it is successful, and she leaves Twitter etc, (so highly unlikely, you can stop reading now!!!) can the canal arrange a date we all reconvene eg the 344th day of each year.. Or something?!

We will meet every year on the anniversary of the VBI (coming from the past so apologies if someone else already suggested)

 

[Nonah]

She was proper traumatized by that Katie Hopkins trial, wasn’t she? Waffling this shite right in between the hearing and the opinion. View attachment 1915626View attachment 1915629View attachment 1915630View attachment 1915632View attachment 1915677Also, how can she look like that in those gloss pics when she looked like THIS IRL. Make-up is truly AMAZING!View attachment 1915673

She looks like the sad-face teenage boy in a “THEY SENT MY BOY HOME FROM SCHOOL BECAUSE OF HIS HAIRCUT” local news story.

 

[Foxvint]

She doesn't have to do anything at all now. People have been giving on patreon for ages and not getting anything in return because it doesn't matter to them.
Even if their numbers were halved tomorrow she's got a fantastic income until well, the rest cancel or...die eventually. The grift is a success. Her work is done.

This is true. And depressing. But she doesn't just want money for nothing, she wants adulation and esteem and that's over. The dissenting voices are too numerous and too loud.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

She bought that fuckin eye patch from Toys R Us

Thread title?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I know we’ve moved on, but…

 

[DinoCharge]

She is such a twit with that eye patch. It also looks like she is on the top deck of a double decker bus.


View attachment 1914185
View attachment 1914188

Eye patch aside, why does it look like her top is made of toilet paper?

 

[Captainmouse]

Great suggestions, our adaptation will be Waiting for Vimes.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Just going through Gloss again perusing the many many looks of Jack and I think this is my favourite - Sideshow Bob hair plus some doilies fashioned into a disgusting year 8 fashion show style ensemble.

View attachment 1914435


She just looks so uncomfortable. She's obviously breathing in, was she planning on walking round with her stomach sucked in and shoulders hunched up by her ears all day? The Sideshow Bob hair is just the creme de la creme

This…just when you think you’ve seen the worst picture of her that exists, you show us this.

 

[House of Carbonara]

I particularly enjoy 1:11 in, when she looks like a very defiant Yoda about to challenge Senator Palpatine in battle wielding a leek.

ETA: huge sorry-os to Yoda. It was merely the brandishing of a green stick that led me to comparison, the likeness ends there. Unless you take into consideration the fact they’re both very smol.

That was major and , dear heart. The image of a defiant Yoda brandishing a leek is one I will cherish forever.

 

[pumbilical cord]

I know we’ve moved on, but…
View attachment 1915748View attachment 1915749

The critter has Tiffany & co eyeballs.

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

Eye patch aside, why does it look like her top is made of toilet paper?

Isn’t that her Viv?

 

[Captainmouse]

No wonder Jack is downsizing.

I say Holmes, you may have cracked it, one bedroom, but she didn’t state how many. Maybe the whole row! Each one a different room

 

[AlwightDallin]

re the eye patch. Just before the pandemic I had a non cancerous lump removed from my eyelid. I wasn’t given a patch and I’d had surgery! It was cauterised and left to heal in the air. Eye injuries are given a white bandage with a cotton wool pad. Eye conditions like lazy eye are treated with a stick on patch (they even do funky patterned ones for kids).

NEVER have I ever seen an eye patch like Jack’s, with a metal rivet no less. They’re just not hygienic. You can buy them on Amazon though. Makes you think.

The less she tweets the more historical lies we uncover

 

[StatusWoe]

I know we’ve moved on, but…

We haven't moved on