Jack Monroe #468 Remove my photo! Warned!

[HotesTilaire]

Jack has never invaded Southern Europe so I am happy to say that I've never seen a copy of this bleeping pile of cockwank

Tell that to the residents of Per Rialto, Venice

 

[FunnyFuneral]

I know we often see the haunted engagement rings but I often wonder if Jack has three unused wedding dresses stuffed in bin bags under her bed. She strikes me as the type to wander around a bungalow at night in a wedding dress, howling at the full moon.

Scared by haunted Jack tales I'm off

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Laurey penny’s profile pic is so FaceTuned I thought she was Jack, is it too late for Hatie to appeal?

 

[HotesTilaire]

It's probably gone off if it's gooey

Honestly it’s aneurism time again. If you get a gooey or very spreadable Feta, chances are it’s not PDO feta, it’s “Greek style cheese” also they put animal rennet in that (cheapo)version sometimes.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

She doesn’t say, but I’m imagining that she’s imagining they are.

The Nepalese one is probably a Sherpa who saved 15 people on Everest but is in awe of her ability to yomp to work in grandads chip shop (because he did it with oxygen canisters and she doesn’t even NEED to use them) and the half-Italian one claps cheers and phones Pavarotti and his Mafia Don Grandad to listen (and who both weep with gratitude at this voice of an angle) every time she warbles and honks Nessun Dorma IN ORIGINAL ITALIAN.

The interchangeable imaginary Somalian one taught her all she knows about how to talk authentically to Africans which is why everyone in Tanzania LOVES her and she can talk to Black people on the bus. He’s probably also a pirate, cos=edgy.

The reason I ask (although what's the point cos IT'S a LIE) but which parents would be happy with their 16 year old attractive daughter sharing a flat with adult men?

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

I always imagine her smelling like a pair of mens jeans that have been worn for many months but never washed, or a damp flannel that's been sat at the bottom of the laundry bin for days.

Very late to the party but I imagine Jack smells foisty, to quote my old gran. Wet clothes that haven’t quite been dried properly. That’s what she smells like. <insert Newman/Baddiel gif>

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

Never been near a ferret but I had a creepy housemate at uni who was studying to be a vet and he said parrots smell amazing. He made it sound like he was bothering them tbh. Just popping into an aviary and sniffing away at their feathers.

Checks Twitter: no JM activity.
Skims Tattle...
Skims a bit more... @SweetTransvestite making some fair comments but nothing major going on. I trust ST so...
Fast forward 10 pages to parrots smelling amazing.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

My haggis is vegan... It's actually even nicer than ... Real haggis!

I had vegan haggis tonight because I'm a 100% vegan unlike Jack. MacSweens is my favorite. I hope Jack has never attempted one.

 

[FunnyFuneral]

Very late to the party but I imagine Jack smells foisty, to quote my old gran. Wet clothes that haven’t quite been dried properly. That’s what she smells like. <insert Newman/Baddiel gif>

That's you that is

 

[HotesTilaire]

Nanna wants us all to believe she bumped into Jacksy in the dole queue

This is hilarious, are ppl on Twitter thinking its serious

 

[PoorPatrol]

I have.... Experience... Of flamingos 🦩. And I can confirm that although they look like they should smell of strawberry milk, their feathers smell really bad... Like earthy fish

 

[NellieBoo]

Maybe given her love of cock she smells like Tom Hardy’s balls?

I think bleeping not! What?! How very dare you? That's my imaginary husband you are talking about.

 

[jenny2603]

I had vegan haggis tonight because I'm a 100% vegan unlike Jack. MacSweens is my favorite. I hope Jack has never attempted one.

As far as I am concerned Jack attempting any form of haggis is a declaration of war against the Scottish people. I'm honestly thinking of petitioning the Scottish Parliament to change the national anthem to a mass chant of "duck OFF JACK".

 

[NellieBoo]

Off to bed, to dream about ferrets, rats and smelly cats. Oh and flamingos. Goodnight Frau's and Herron's. Jack, no chaos while I'm zedding. Warned!

I was on call last night. I usually stay awake because I get menopausal night sweats and look bloody awful if I get called out. ANYWAY. Once I finished my night I had some breakfast and completely conked out. I had the most awful vivid dream about rats. Eeeeee. They were everywhere. Pouring out of the walls, coming up through the floor, in cupboards. I don't know what this might mean but don't have that dream .

 

[HotesTilaire]

Happy HaggisBurnsMass Scottish frauen



May Jack never sully your national dish with bollock sausages

 

[jenny2603]

Penguins can be a bit whiffy too.

The smell of the penguins really marred my trip to Edinburgh Zoo. Though one of them made up for it by trying to steal a mans bag, then swaggering off with a twig balanced on his beak.

 

[CarmenGhia]

My dog smells like an old lady's chest of drawers when he's been to the groomers, full on Yardleys Lily of the Valley talc. Soppy little sod

My cat naturally smells like old-fashioned talc on his sides. He's a very fragrant boy. He looks a bit like Cooper but he's never disappeared for more than 12 hours at a time.

 

[Reagent]

We had to ask the dog boarders not to use that stuff on our dog, the poor bugger was red raw after they used some spray on him. It was like old lady perfume right enough!

He has lovely digestive biscuity paws, but prone to a wiffy body if we’re caught in the rain, which happens often. Thick labby coat seems to hold onto that quite well

Spoiler

now I'm going to show my age (ancient) I had an Afghan coat in the 70's. If it rained and got wet it smelled like wet labrador dog

 

[NellieBoo]

My dog smells like an old lady's chest of drawers when he's been to the groomers, full on Yardleys Lily of the Valley talc. Soppy little sod

When my sister's oldest dog comes back from the fancy groomers in his little bow tie smelling like yardley we sing to him . Obviously he loves it and isn't offended at all.

---

Awwww. Look at us horrible twisted trolls giving Jack some content .

I wouldn't be surprised if she'll come back with some sad old tale about evil LaNdLorDs and being off twitter because EVERYTHING has fallen through. So she's either HOMELESS or going to have to stay in the crappy bungamansion .

 

[Mr Krabs]

We need more Jack content before I end up going to sniff my Guinea pigs.