I can't breathe. I've laughed so much as this I am wheezing. I've had to try and explain the hilarity to Mr Elastoblast. After briefing him on the great grifter's guardian article on Saturday and other nonsense he hooted when I told him someone asked her for the Georgia Church Suppers book.
Jack Monroe #459 That westboro baptist church penis wig will haunt her forever
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Oh, you just know she isn't.....
Paging Jimmy Nail........
what utter tit. Does she seriously expect anyone to believe this nonsense?
Please let this end up with angry residents banding together against anti- social behaviour in the block. I want the local paper involved- the works.
I’m over 30 and under 50 with no kids and I would love somewhere like that as because I don’t have kids I would be able to have amazing bbq/parties that go on all night before collapsing in the summerhouse.
Unless you're someone who reviews books, or is maybe working in the same area as another non-fiction writer, you don't get sent random copies of books through some sort of writers' Secret Santa.
I reckon she's a performative picker upper- the kind that bag it, but don't take the tit bags home with them, and leave them against walls/near bins/hung on railings etc
I'm sure she once claimed to have never given away any books before, including all her childhood ones.
My book collection gets weeded quite regularly. Whilst it's big, it's not unruly (unlike some people's
Jack gets in the paper for NOT putting poos in bags???
Maybe she's scared of them? Actual Poors go in them sometimes. She might have to take her stab vest*
* Ours do have security guards. Joys of where I live!
The flat itself is fine, I’m not dissing the flat though it isn’t to my taste. It’s more that you wouldn’t be able to have all day or all night parties more than once or twice. Partly because the neighbours would probably have your guts for garters directly (and would never forgive you!), and partly because as it’s Thorpe Bay the council would actually bother to deal with the noise complaints your neighbours would inevitably bombard them with. Thorpe Bay is boring and quiet mainly because the locals like it boring and quiet. Noisy parties bring down property values
I'm sure all these imaginary authors who gave Jack promotional copies are thrilled that not only does she not review them, she puts them into free public circulation.
The long life own brand milk was rank. I still can't stand cows milk.
Although, in her defence I think it's quite clear that Jack has never felt guilt so would have no real concept of what would cause it.
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That was my aneurysm. The "I was depressed and dyed everything black." Not that she wasn't depressed. I'd be depressed if I were Jack. But the level of depression she described--I was there. I was hospitalized multiple times, duck. And the thought of dying ALL my clothing black to express my depression never crossed my mind. It was too much work to get out of bed, to brush my teeth, to shower. I was too tired to express myself with pen and paper, with crayons, with words to my husband. I know people experience mental illness differently. But the depth she describes, she was just to bleeping busy and engaged (online).Just lean into it and dye all your clothes black, tenderstem. Gets the thirsty dads going and bam, donations.
In all seriousness I hope things improve soon
Then again, she never did dye all her clothing, did she? But to me it is an example of Jack's one-uppsmanship of all maladies, problems, concerns, fears. But she doesn't know enough to playact convincingly. The crumbly teeth, the crumbly bones, not being able to go upstairs, the addictions, the trauma, the PTSD, the oppression. We all got problems. If there were an Olympics of Oppression and Pain, Jack would be on the national team.
The fact that a palace like that is referred to as a ‘flat’ is my aneurysm. Have u not seen the conditions in Nottingham cottage that poor h &m were subjected to?The flat itself is fine, I’m not dissing the flat though it isn’t to my taste. It’s more that you wouldn’t be able to have all day or all night parties more than once or twice. Partly because the neighbours would probably have your guts for garters directly (and would never forgive you!), and partly because as it’s Thorpe Bay the council would actually bother to deal with the noise complaints your neighbours would inevitably bombard them with. Thorpe Bay is boring and quiet mainly because the locals like it boring and quiet. Noisy parties bring down property values
She is a bit Herb Tarlick in that jacket.
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I've been picturing her in one of the apartments from Marvellous Mrs Maisal with 20 rooms and a maid.
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Too short
Good point. Our landlord refers to our flat as an “apartment” even though it’s basically a little box
its actual address is sort of, Apartment 7, 31 Wotsit Lane, etc. I’ve got used to it now, but sometimes I do remember how stupid it is, and this is one of those times. The Thorpe Bay flat is a lovely spacious apartment.
Oh lord. Imagine having to share a communal area with Jack?! You’re just trying to have a coffee, a fag and a minute to yourself before work when that shark eyed toad pops up at the window, then rushes over with homemade prune and sardine cookies.
I bet she latches onto people like a leach
It annoys me that people are always recommended Dishoom when asked where go in Edinburgh. Its not even the best Indian in a mile radius.She'd probably be scared shitless in East London, doubling up on the stab vests.
But being serious for a minute...I don't think any of that really matters to her because she doesn't really do anything. She goes on about her amazing life, all her friends blah blah blah, but she must spend 90% of her time sat in the house rage-tweeting/reading.
Think about when she went to Edinburgh and was so excited about finding Dishoom. Out of all the amazing places to eat in Edinburgh ()...1 - it's a chain (a small one and its good, but its still a chain) and 2) its on a main square in one of the fancier parts of the city that always has loads of tourists.
She's fundamentally boring and has no real curiosity about anything, which why she has to make up so much tit to seem interesting.
One of the residents in the block of flats my boyfriend used to live in had chickens and the communal garden was always covered in bird tit. That's what I've been picturing when I imagine sharing one with Jack.
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