Jack Monroe #458 This addled lie factory is on another level

[Walkdengirl]

Don't think so, especially herbs! Just had quick scan in the cupboard:
Full jar of oregano is 11g, big tub paprika is 70g

Any normal cookbook writing person (like nigella) would say makes 1 jar, and not specify the weight but jack's a maverick

 

[FunnyFuneral]

I’m creating my own chaos but bleeping scampering to Tesco. Why can’t she walk like a normal person

Or march or yomp, the military around the edges . Or slither along like a jellied eel wearing DMs with soles made out of copper coins (yes you mithering ninnies I'm aware eels dont have feet Christ it's relentless do you want me to STOP BREATHING scampers off to arrange own funeral)

 

[Jelly Bean]

Why not. There must be a really interesting psychology around influencers, grifters and how they work. They're not wired the same as the rest of us. Do it!!

It is fascinating how influencers manage to hoodwink organisations and charities too. There are two influencers at least from the original Gleam Britcrew (which included the likes of Zoe and Joe Sugg) who are now ambassadors for children's charities including the NSPCC - brought in to talk about safekeeping - when they have plastered their own children online from birth with not one thought for their privacy.
It's along the lines of Jack making money from poverty and poor people. It is so messed up and wierd.

 

[FunnyFuneral]

That recipe can't be Jack's, it tells you to heat the oil before adding onion

That's not my recipe, it makes something edible

 

[Emmapism]

Whenever Jack gives it the big 'un about all the opportunities she's got coming her way I just think back to years past. The excited teething necklace grinning after DKL or whatever the shite it was. The series that had been 'years in the making' and turned out to be some appallingly put together VTs on Lorraine. Toot Tooting about the shop like any of it made any kind of difference.

None of it (like Jack herself in fact) ever amounts to anything at all. She's great at creating a smoke screen. The veneer of success. The appearance of 'aren't I doing wonderful things for the impoverished'...

But give it a couple of weeks and she's rattling the tin again like the pathetic no mark spendthrift she is.

So go on Jack. Toot away. Keep the begging bowl out. Because it will serve as a constant reminder that you're neither thrifty enough nor clever enough to be making a living without relying on handouts from well-meaning but dim followers.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I dont believe the email boxes bring full she admitted the other day she tells herself wee lies that things are going well to keep her sane. Why would this bonfire be different. I do think she will still get work though because people keep using her because she gives out the attitude of someone who is feisty yet does very little in the way of actual campaigning and therefore her employers look like they are helping but not actually doing much. People are right she is part of a much bigger problem and people will keep enabling her because she is easy to manipulate into thinking she is helping. In short she is a massive idiot who needs to realise her enablers are actually making her life hell by letting her continue this ridiculous charade. She cannot cook, nor write, nor campaign worth a tit. Its actually got to the point where it is embarassing.

 

[Mendacious Trumpet]

I am apoplectic with rage over this paragraph! None of her “immediate family” have careers in the food industry yet has a “foster brother who’s a chef” HE’S YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY!!!!!

Sorry. I foster kids as well as run a daycare so this has tipped me over the edge. I’m fostering to adopt this year & if any of my family treated my (future) child with this disdain I would disown them. Blood doesn’t make a family Jack, love does. To which it’s abundantly clear you have not an iota in your body because the way you talk about your own family is heartless. witch.

duck
I didn't dislike her before. But I think now maybe I do.
duck you Jack

 

[Helatruralhome]

If she had a brain, she’d have sent packages out to the most vocal of the Patreon detractors and a couple of loyal squigs. So probably about 20 people in total rather than the potential hundreds. The detractors would probably rip the stuff to shreds, yes, but she could hold that up as proof she’d posted rewards. The squigs would post them in glee and the same, proof she’s posted. The few other people who would notice and ask where their rewards are could be fobbed off easily with postal strikes and “but I did send them, look”.

Thing is in UK law the seller is generally responsible until it is in the customers hands- it's not enough to just say that they sent it.

 

[Limey]

I dont believe the email boxes bring full she admitted the other day she tells herself wee lies that things are going well to keep her sane. Why would this bonfire be different. I do think she will still get work though because people keep using her because she gives out the attitude of someone who is feisty yet does very little in the way of actual campaigning and therefore her employers look like they are helping but not actually doing much. People are right she is part of a much bigger problem and people will keep enabling her because she is easy to manipulate into thinking she is helping. In short she is a massive idiot who needs to realise her enablers are actually making her life hell by letting her continue this ridiculous charade. She cannot cook, nor write, nor campaign worth a tit. Its actually got to the point where it is embarassing.

BIB for a thread title!

 

[smolscrubb]

In a different timeline, JM would have just gone on 'Come Dine With Me' and served stock cube 'n' bean soup, mandarin curry, and prune dessert; bored everyone senseless with talking over dinner about how pov she was (whilst the guests poked round her bungalow and found x1000 teaspoons/rusty jars and three freezers); and come last, and that would have been the end of that.

 

[imBUSY]

coming from the past (p16), but wtf are some of you doing to your scrambled eggs that'll make them into bullets after 6 minutes????

obviously, i never apply mayonnaise because that's stupid , but jack is unfortunately correct that scrambled eggs should done slooooowwwwly over a low heat and 6-7mins is nowhere near enough

mine take 15-20 mins over a v low heat and they are the bleeping best

Alternative technique: there's a method that uses very high heat and TONS of butter than makes amazing scrambled eggs very quickly:

(Gift link):

ETA: Jack would NEVER

Extra-Creamy Scrambled Eggs Recipe

Adding a small amount of a starchy slurry to scrambled eggs — a technique learned from Mandy Lee of the food blog Lady & Pups — prevents them from setting up too firmly, resulting in eggs that stay tender and moist, whether you like them soft-, medium- or hard-scrambled Potato or tapioca starch...

cooking.nytimes.com

 

[Snotbuster]

So edgy. I almost cut my eyes looking at this.

Jack is verging on polygamy hair. How...oh, duck it. Imma go eat lunch

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

So today THAT MAN was on good morning America and The View.

The presenters of the view were getting on like Jack’s neck beard’s around him.

 

[Snotbuster]

The bone char thing isn't really an issue in the UK as none of the big UK based producers use it but you'd obviously need to watch if you were using an imported brand. I imagine Jack was thinking of her international audience and vegan political prisoners around the world here.

No doubt. Or she just wasn't thinking. Hmmm. What are the odds?

 

[WolfIrish]

I hear she’s the headline act at the next Fyre Festival.

Surely this is a thread title nom!

 

[kachoochoo]

“…bejewelled with bright green peas” She’s so desperate to be Mom, I’ve just cringed myself inside-out

bejewelled, you say?

i done a tit photshop for our bejewelled alleged swiftie here

i feel kinda sick now tbh...

taylor, dita, everyone, I'm sorry

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

I wonder if she has got her grubby mitts on Prince Harry’s book. Will look forward to her review!

 

[ForgettyBetty]

I'm quietly smirking at the thought of a frau getting a real doctorate from exposing Dr Dr Monroe

 

[Day3TShirt]

Have we ever compiled a proper list of Jack's cringiest moments? This has to be up there at the top. Braiding her hair (she did it herself - I will die on this hill) into a thousand arm/finger crippling, tiny little braids because arthritis (make it make sense) meant she couldn't lift up her arms to wash her hair . She kept them in all of a week I think. Ahhhh, jeez.

I guess it explains why Grifty Kitchen was so fecking terrible. Should’ve been finishing her book but instead, painstakingly braided her own hair, fake-tanned, posed in the garden to get just the right angle then buggered about with the resulting pic for hours on end. The sheer amount of time she can while away doing sod all…I don’t know whether to rage about the sheer futility of it or be in awe.

 

[Walkdengirl]

Over on Sloaplong, we've been hypothesising that she steals a lot of her recipes from post-war cookery writers like Marguerite Patten because there's so much weirdness around spicing and technique - but perhaps we got the century wrong?

I've got some of her cookbooks, and her recipes work because she tested them! She was a proper home economist, and a true doyenne of TV cooks. Jack isn't fit to lick her boots

I've seen no recipes in her books that Jack has stolen, Jack loves nicking off BBC good food as Andy demonstrated when he listed where her recipes come from, but to be seen as not plagiarising them she puts her coke addled brain to work and alters vital ingredients, which as she can't cook she doesn't realise the implications of.