Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

[hiyaaaacath]

Aww, did Content cure her autistic sensory issues? That's so heartwarming and impossible!

Awwww, i love a good uplifting dog story. Saying that, If Jack had made the film “Marley and Me” it would have just been called ME”

 

[jenny2603]

That made me think of the pretend steering wheels for toddlers. TOOT TOOT!

Jack's special kitchen at Blackfoot.

 

[hooplifehero]

Jack: 'my weird little misshapen body'

Also Jack: 'check out my boobs, I'm wearing a top and a bra, and I'll consent to you all feasting your eyes on my perky charms'

View attachment 1839158

lol 'work commitment', she doesn't know the meaning of either word

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Just going back to the tin and knife thing, does she not say you need something to brace the tin with to even attempt it?! Only that fucker is going to shoot across your kitchen the moment you whack it.

Imagine if English is not your first language or you have a learning disability or you are a young person, possibly a care leaver with not much kitchen experience or a support network of older people you can ask advice of. Maybe you are physically disabled and moving into independent accommodation for the first time. Money is tight, very tight and you qualify for a referral to the TT. They give you a back of food and a free book, how kind.
But it's Jack Monroe's absolute travesty of a book. This so called advice/hack with the tin and knife might be taken very literally by some readers because the media uphold Jack as an unquestioned expert. Someone who is not confident in the kitchen and with additional literacy/language barriers might suffer a terrible accident and blame themselves. Because how could an 'expert' be wrong? I honestly think there should be some sort of action taken to have this book removed from circulation. It is dangerous, useless and out of date. Jack, Bluebird, the TT, Nigella and Jay ought to be very ashamed of themselves. Is this book not two years overdue? And this bullshit was the best she could come up with? Bluebird should have commissioned and paid a hefty fee to families fleeing violence, refugees and disabled people living independently to create a book with nutritious and culturally diverse recipes and advice or hacks that are safe and accessible for everyone. But no, they just wheel out same old broken record in the form of Jack. If Jack were not so blinded by money, she should be offended. She is just a token pov for the media to use.

 

[Itchy of Itchington]

My attempt at a smol recap for the parts I witnessed

The canal got a sneak peek of Jack's upcoming book, Grifty Thrifty Kitchen. If you're tired of having fully functional hands you may be interested in her top tips such as:

- use a small sharp knife and a hammer to open tin cans
- put loose fitting baking trays over boiling pots to keep the hit in
- use a large sharp knife to strain said boiling pots

Who needs ten fingers anyway?

Remember Caroline with the hands who LEFT. I'm starting to think that as she was her tester/guinea pig that she is now Caroline without hands

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Why are her publishers persisting with having super poshos put fawning quotes in her books? She’s had six previous publications in which rich and connected foodies like Nige, Jay and Tom P-B have legitimised her (rightly or wrongly) as a food writer. If her concern here is thrift isn’t it a bit tasteless to have the generationally wealthy spouting her virtues? It’d be more useful, surely, to have dietitians and people who run community kitchens advocating for her recipes?

On top of everything else it just makes it so searingly obvious that her target audience is her fellow middle class wankers performing thrift.

 

[That Forensic Man]

Morning Jack
She's not even tagged in this reply so the "leave me alone" is a bit fuckin rich

Good luck squig

 

[That Forensic Man]

What was wrong with the *checks notes* £199 Bodyclock luxe 700FM alarm clock

 

[jenny2603]

Morning Jack,
This looks like it might be an enjoyable read.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

“Oi oi! Been ordering from your Mum’s Joe Browns catalogue again, Jack?”

Nooooo! She literally bought a pair of “Rock Chick” trousers from the catalogue? FFS AND the top that’s with them in the catalogue outfit??

She’s edgy AF this one.

 

[That Forensic Man]

Slight crossover with Essex fire officer safety I reckon, too.

soak salted nuts for an hour then pat dry!? An hour!

There's a fire safety section in the wiki page 2

Jack Monroe 2 Wiki

If you're here and you are new to Jack, please go to [URL='https://tattle.life/wiki/jack-monroe/']Wiki 1[/URL], where we have lots of info at the top for new frauen / herren. is dedicated to Jack's antics in 2022 and notable chaoi 2012-2021. For more detail on these, see the timeline on wiki...

tattle.life

Also @Anyfulekno made a food safety list in the slopalong but it didn't go in the wiki yet, I've added some more below

Slopalong #3 She doesn't understand beans

I want slut spaghetti to go with my slapper semolina now. Also who the fuck is leaving Nigella for that braying horse Trinny Charles Saatchi the abusive domestic abuser Thought I'd give a few more simple recipes a go Peanut butter hot chocolate...

tattle.life

• Letting rice sit on the side for ages instead of cooling quickly - allows lots of Bacillus cereus bacteria to grow and give you the shits/food poisoning peanut milk rice pudding
• frying tinned potatoes - they can explode due to the water content hot nicoise
• storing/infusing herbs in oil - risk of botulism Whoa F*ck Dressing
• Microwaving stone fruits to ripen - explodey, doesn't work, could fuck up your microwave microwave ripening fruits
• sprout scones because cooked (painstakingly) by the instructions they are fucking raw
• NEW says to use tuna tins as egg rings despite the risk of razor sharp edges, metal filings debris and the plastic coated lining not being suitable for cooking (releases toxins) Link
• NEW says to reuse single use plastics e.g. squash bottles and oil spray bottles despite there being no effective way to sterilise them or remove all traces of rancid oil (botulism risk)
• NEW says to use a knife and hammer to open cans instead of using a can opener (extremely danger)

I have to say the tuna tin egg ring one should be the end of any credibility she had left, that one alone is such a monumental fuck up it's almost unbelievable

 

[Mme Coco]

Probably more edible than anything that comes out of her grothole of a kitchen tbf.

 

[HotesTilaire]

We knew it would be a load of old shite, and it hasn’t disappointed thus far! Sub Take-A-Break level tips that have been around for donkeys years anyway, with a lethal twist. Fill a bottle with water and put the cork back in? Eh? How do you get a cork back in a wine bottle? C’est impossible!

Who owns a wine bottle but not a rolling pin? Who needs to be told you can’t used a ridged squash bottle (here’s a hint Jack - Lidl’s own don’t have ridges, but even so a squash bottle of frozen water is a dumb idea).

If I ever need to use a foodbank in the future, will it be like the Rapture? Overnight, all my kitchen utensils will pass into heaven for eternity, I’ll just be left with an oven and a plate? All the cool wooden spoooons and tin openers and potato peeler just fuck off out the door when you become a pov?

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Decided to go back to 2015

she hates gin of course

 

[Foxvint]

She really did a look at my tits post. Tragic. Her thanking that squig last night for being gracious is interesting cos I earlier that day posted here that she was ungracious. It's not that common a descriptive. She's telling on her tattle obsession again.

Much love to all fraus suffering, this can be a horrible high pressure time of year. Look after yourselves. You're all too funny an whip smart to be lost x

 

[zetta buttons]

This reads like her attempt at a Here, My Dear. The deliberate inaccessibility of the text for Neurodiverse readers is more calculated than the customary refusal to use legible text on insta posts or Alt Text on anything. (One of my many roles has been to create learning resources and legal information for people who aren't necessarily highly literate, NT or who have a spiky profile on raw ability assessments, so I have frequently had to look at utter guff from people paid too much money and identify all the barriers they have put into their text and then rectify matters).

Apart from the colours being difficult to read for many, the way they're spread over the lines and different poorly differentiated colours for some inexplicable reason (to be a cunt to people, I guess) means what a lot of people will glean from that is

Big heavy kitchen scissors
Measuring jug
Grater
Teatowels
Freezer
storage Per- (Rialto?)
Medium (Derek Acorah or Doris Stokes?)
Huge non- (Sister Felicite spuurtbustler or Sister Cecilia Wangbucklefiddlesticks of the Blessed Lady of Direspuduella? Oh. non. Not nun. And we really shouldn't be bodyshaming women religious whether they have taken solemn vows or simple)
Couple of roasting (roasting what? Chestnuts on an open fire? Conkers because all chestnuts are interchangeable?)
Jars

Knife sharpener (what for? Didn't see a knife in the first list - because it's been made to recede into the background)
Metal serving spoon

Griddle pan
excellent for pancakes (WHAT? What is excellent for pancakes? The griddle pan?)
Small bullet blender, or powerful jug (THE PUNCTUATION SUCKS. And what is a powerful jug?)
Masher Cake Tin (What? What's a masher cake tin? Do they sell them in the 99p shop? Is there a recipe for Masher cake in this pamphlet?)
Casse- (Is this misspelled German now?)
Extra knives (Extra in what sense? As in Zombie hunters? Butter knives? Pen knives like the one she reckons she walks around London carrying?)


Small veg chopper (Already spunked seventy quid on a bullet blender on her say so. But don't have a kitchen knife, so maybe that's how you slice onions, by putting them whole and unpeeled into the small veg chopper?)
Several food-safe spray bottles (What the fuck are they? Are they in the pound shop as well? What colours do they come in - and shouldn't be some recipes before they start being sprayed?)
Electric Whisk Digital (have we gone on to What Three Words locations now? Because that's in the arctic end of Norway)
Spatu- (Wasn't that one of the things that was said to Gort in the original The Day The Earth Stood Still?)
la/fish slice (Yes, it was - 'Gort! Spatu - lafish slice, spatu - lafish slice')
Slow cooker.

This is why the book is more dangerous than just being flat out fucking dangerous.

I read the preview in a rush and Mrs T is not ~overly~ impressed with my drip feeding of Jack back into our lives so I didn’t get her to read it. I also should have expanded on the colours but they confused the words further, so to me the whole fuck up there was the thing to mention. Had she seen it, she would have seen red. For the reasons you outline above.

Jack tells us at every opportunity about her own ND, so she should understand how important it is to develop texts that are accessible for all. Here, she shows quite plainly that that hasn’t crossed her mind. The font, colours and layout are all a fucking nightmare. Like you, Mrs T spends a good proportion of her life producing resources that are accessible. This is not an accessible resource.

It’s the same as the Billy Chip. Supermarkets have to stop putting alcohol at the entrances because it is “murdering” her but it is ok for others to receive tokens that a) look like gambling chips and could act as behavioural cues and b) are ‘big Tory’ in disguise. She’s a weapon.

She’s definitely emboldened. By the book release? By the Guardian article? Up this early after yesterday’s shitshow? I would have been having a long shower, cleaning and running obsessively and trying to block the previous day from my thoughts. There is no way I would have been on my phone.

 

[threetintender]

OH! VIVIENNE!

 

[hiyaaaacath]

Ok, Fully grunked. I’m going to invoice Monroe for my time cos that was dull.
For anyone not caught up: TLDR: Monroe thinks that “wearing a hat” is a personality and would like us to all simultaneously LEAVE her alone and LOOK at her tits.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Nooooooo. @Valiofthedolls fights alligators and sits on their porch in the great heat of the summer with Matthew McConaughey (his crisp white shirt sleeves are rolled up, obvs, weirdos ) and sipping iced cold tea while delivering delicious and witty put downs to rugged men with mullet hair cuts and wearing double denim.

Spoiler: You called?

(NFL football player Gardner Minshew ~of Mississippi~ for anyone wanting to do errrr further research,,,)

Yep, I’m in the land of porch swings, ally-gators, mullets and mosquitoes. In my heart though, I’m ALWAYS ‘80s Jackie in a blouson jacket sitting by the pool reading my bestselling fabulous blockbuster novel Lovers and Gamblers and being FABULOUS

On topic

 

[Cucumberthunder]

If (and that's a big if) Jack was sleeping on the sofa...why? You're paying £1.5k in rent for a lovely, large house. Enjoy it. You claim to have lived in a shared house with a toddler and spent time in a brothel. Why do you need to "practice" for downsizing?