Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

[DinosaurSenior]

Mother of God!!!!! I had never watched the Boulevaaaaaard video before, as I didn't think I could take it.

I've just had a look.... Lasted 5 seconds. It's absolutely dreadful!!! What a bigheaded hole!!! She's a joke

 

[Lucky Escape]

Even from what little we've seen she makes the exact same mistakes in Grifty Kitchen that have been seen in the slopalong before:

• Boiling rinsed baked beans for 20 minutes
• Forgets to say grate the cheese, just fold it into dough as-is
• Lists unpeeled bananas, slice them but then slice the peels seperately (when did they get peeled)
• Says to use self raising flour AND bicarbonate of soda
• etc.

These are just the most obvious cock ups to me though, it's the same old horse tit
Not even mentioning the results, calories or nutrition, which look to be largely as bad as usual
It's just this time there's dangerous tips as well

How long exactly has she had to write this? Over two years, isn't it?

 

[mince]

Oof. Mum, though. Cooking with economy and grace.

 

[hooplifehero]

I’m just cringing at her pretending that she’s been given a nickname. Ooh. Don’t go there Jack. Nobody thinks you look like a Peaky Blinder. Stop it.

I don’t know Peaky Blinders so I’ve had to imagine an equivalent.

Jack dons a beanie cap and hoodie and asks her squigs to guess who she is “being”.

“Costume party on Sunday … I haven’t brought my meth test tubes, I’m clumsy enough!”

Slowly the divorced dads realise she’s attempting a half-assed cosplay of Jesse from Breaking Bad. Cue lots of sycophantic remarks about her forensic scientific approach and how the show would be Breaking Good with her in it.

A week later Jack posts another selfie of her wearing the beanie cap, boobs proudly thrust forward.

“A night of gratitude and sober loving with a massive gathering of friends. When I walked in, one pal shouted Oi Oi Breaking Baps! I’m still…. Excuse me ha ha I can hardly type… I’m still giggling now!”

IT’S THAT ABSURD

 

[waffle maker]

It’s amazing that the thrifty kitchen book is so terrible that there is a murmur of division in the canal about whether it is real.

 

[shugabug23]

Definitely valid to challenge if the canal isn't being hoodwinked but it's in both Apple and Google's systems for the actual preview of the book (not just reviews or random screenshots).
The only way I can see it being wrong is if the publisher provided the wrong draft/version?

Thrifty Kitchen

'Jack Monroe is a force for good in the world.' – Nigella LawsonThrifty Kitchen is Jack Monroe’s bumper collection of over 120 brand-new, delicious, low-cost recipes, plus household tricks guaranteed to save you money.Number-one bestselling author and campaigner, Jack is one of the UK’s...

books.google.co.uk

View attachment 1838366
View attachment 1838368

ETA just woke up from my big nap has been discussed already x

I appreciate the gesture though because I too woke up from a big nap and thought I was being accused of manically being able to forge a book by Jack. In my fugue state all I could think was “but it doesn’t even sound like a spoof, it’s pretty much exactly what kinda sh*te I was expecting” (albeit the knife/mallet even bamboozled me. I wouldve proffered to just eat toe nail gunk rather than sever my carotid artery opening a tin of beans or having a circular bastard egg which tastes of blood and fish)

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Double digit pages behind but dying of shock over oi oi perky Is this the most cringe it’s gotten in >400 threads?! 🫣

Idk if it’s in breach of yellow card to inform you that the only hotties under 60 are definitely not interested in ur perkies. I’d weep if anyone moved to me in a meeting as you’d have to assume they’ve mistaken you for being 30+ years your senior, ugly and/or desperate - tho sadly Jack falls under all of the above so this story could very well be true.

 

[elepal]

Genuinely my look. Have never heard of Joe Brown. Might have to forensically investigate. Don't revoke my membership card, .

I favour the "sanctimonious middle-class first-time mum who's not short of an opinion on how everyone else should parent their children" look, myself (although I like to think I only match part of that description...)

 

[HotesTilaire]

I feel @Deeznutslol has the right name for this mini slopalong

Spoiler: Wet Nuts Hack

I carefully and painstakingly sat my ingredients together perpendicularly
(pls excuse the tattoo, it was free from a Joe Browns Fashion Puddle)

(Yes, I am using my Pots&Co ramekin, do you want me to be unalived?)

I left the nuts for an hour.
I returned and picked them out with my hand and plopped them on a a per towel. They were soaking wet, and I became somewhat over-vigorous in patting them dry, snapping one of the nuts.

This revealed a sodden outer layer of peanut with a dry inner nut. I sliced a few with a rusty razor as I didn’t have a knife. They all have the sodden outer layer

Finally the taste test. The nuts could not be patted to dryness, and tasted like an “al dente” version of a peanut. The soggy outer layer is gross. However the key taste takeaway is - they DO NOT have a salty aftertaste, or background kick, at all. They are salt-free in every way.

In conclusion, this is a waste of food. I’m not a cook so I dunno if there’s a proper way to unsalt salted peanuts, I imagine rinsing might work? I’ve left a few on the side to see if they ever dry out.

overall, this is a waste of time and food so 1/5

 

[MavisBeacon]

Mr Beacon couldn't believe the excerpt was real Bear in mind this is the man who brought Tin Can't Cook on holiday with us so we could forensically pick apart all the ways in which it was dire and spent a good couple of evenings owl champagning.

 

[MrsFawlty]

https://www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/ppis12.pdf

How to reduce hand knife injuries
Step 1 Elimination
- using a safer cutting tool (deburring tool/scissors)

It's STEP 1 for SPM
Also do not google hand knife injury, especially 'avocado hand'. WARNED.
The risk of severe injury cannot be understated here.

It doesn't even make sense when can opener is in her key list:

View attachment 1837629

Spoiler: Stoopid kitchen knife injury detail

I am ashamed to admit that I chopped a fingertip in half down the middle copying a tv chef using a big knife to de-stone an avocado and ended up in A&E. The dr that examined me was Not Amused. Don't mess with knives kids.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

Which bit is the lie though? It must be the number of GCSEs surely

The only caveat is we don’t know whether the requirements are the same now as when she’s talking about. They could have tightened or relaxed and unless a knowledgeable Frau was doing something similar to her at the same time, it’s hard to say.

 

[shugabug23]

Mr Beacon couldn't believe the excerpt was real Bear in mind this is the man who brought Tin Can't Cook on holiday with us so we could forensically pick apart all the ways in which it was dire and spent a good couple of evenings owl champagning.

Mr Beacon sounds like my kinda man. I’ll foster him if you ever get bored and wanna do a Shirley Valentine for a week in Tenerife!

 

[Lucky Escape]

She's awake again after her late night...

 

[shugabug23]

Saturday Thursday night party starts here!

ETA @Lucky Escape brings the receipts! (You’ve been Tinder-ing her again haven’t you )

Also genuinely had to check what bleedin’ day it is!

 

[Hollaaa]

I favour the "sanctimonious middle-class first-time mum who's not short of an opinion on how everyone else should parent their children" look, myself (although I like to think I only match part of that description...)

Me too, same colour, but I prefer to self-describe my look as "overgrown toddler".

 

[Jelly Bean]

Imagine if English is not your first language or you have a learning disability or you are a young person, possibly a care leaver with not much kitchen experience or a support network of older people you can ask advice of. Maybe you are physically disabled and moving into independent accommodation for the first time. Money is tight, very tight and you qualify for a referral to the TT. They give you a back of food and a free book, how kind.
But it's Jack Monroe's absolute travesty of a book. This so called advice/hack with the tin and knife might be taken very literally by some readers because the media uphold Jack as an unquestioned expert. Someone who is not confident in the kitchen and with additional literacy/language barriers might suffer a terrible accident and blame themselves. Because how could an 'expert' be wrong? I honestly think there should be some sort of action taken to have this book removed from circulation. It is dangerous, useless and out of date. Jack, Bluebird, the TT, Nigella and Jay ought to be very ashamed of themselves. Is this book not two years overdue? And this bullshit was the best she could come up with? Bluebird should have commissioned and paid a hefty fee to families fleeing violence, refugees and disabled people living independently to create a book with nutritious and culturally diverse recipes and advice or hacks that are safe and accessible for everyone. But no, they just wheel out same old broken record in the form of Jack. If Jack were not so blinded by money, she should be offended. She is just a token pov for the media to use.

Completely agree.
I looked up tips for opening tins without an opener earlier and there are plenty. (Tbh though none as daft as Jack's). But that is the Internet, youtube etc, and people on the whole know to take it all with a big pinch of salt (or other interchangeable seasoning). But this is in a book, by a verified author (I know, I know) which has presumably been thoroughly tested, proofed, etc etc and on top of that is endorsed by nation's sweetheart Nigella.
Some people will take on trust that the advice is sound. It is a scary thought.

 

[That Forensic Man]

She's getting eaten alive on the bird app
Mallet knife is the new meta
Bonus peaky blinders lore

jack monroe - Twitter Search / Twitter

archived 29 Dec 2022 19:46:06 UTC

archive.md

 

[houseofhoop]

Bit late to the party but why are frau and herren questioning whether the grifty book is real. What have I missed?

 

[Lucky Escape]

Saturday Thursday night party starts here!

ETA @Lucky Escape brings the receipts! (You’ve been Tinder-ing her again haven’t you )

Also genuinely had to check what bleedin’ day it is!

I think I'd rather be celibate for life!