Jack Monroe #424 She’s as Greek as Prince William

[Hope&Glory]

It was X Factor . Can you imagine Jack getting put in a girl group?

Grifty Spice!

 

[Madonna_Claws]

Wow, she really did a “if you stopped buying avocado toast and subscribing to Netflix you could have a house by now” but with that fuckin ugly hat. Tory.

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It reminds me very much of 'Billy' (played by Hugh Lloyd) in one of the Victoria Wood: As Seen On TV documentaries.

"You can put a lot by if you only have a tin of butter beans and a potato..."

He liked spaghetti 'oops too.

"They make a piece of toast very interesting do 'oops".

Makes you think...

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Perhaps this is where Jack changed her origin story. Originally middle class fallen by hard times she realised after the breakup she wasn’t properly posh like leggy and then reinvented herself as a Dickensian street urchin?

Trope Wars

 

[Captainmouse]

Just to add to the recap that Jack has been on the school run for approx 48 hours now. Who knows when she will return.

Next time she pretends sb is visiting

 

[TheCat'sMother]

I’m sure I’ve told this tale before, but I bought a cheese and onion pastie from Greggs once and it was empty.
Just pastry.

Years ago, my mate Maz bought a pork pie from the shop across the road from our office, & guess what??!!

Yep, devoid of filling! Solid pastry.

If Maz didn't have bad luck, she'd have none at all - I could write a book about her.

 

[hoopdedoo]

Unlikely to be actual leopard. I say this as a vegan with a 25% leopard print wardrobe.

Eek, no, I didn't mean to imply that it was real leopard. Although that's probably a listing on Jack's spendy shopping list.

Last radio/TV appearance was 29th September, BBC Scotland radio. She seemingly arrived late and we learned that if you have foot problems, you should see a podiatrist rather than ringing into a radio station for help.

Plus she sounded like she had done some preparation for the interview

 

[TheCat'sMother]

My mum opened a tin of beans once and only found sauce inside when I was a child. I remember she wrote a letter of complaint to Heinz and they apologized by sending us a great big box of Heinz products.

Spaghetti hoops for everyone!

I do hope you mum rinsed them before use!

 

[Lazarus]

A squig has highlighted something I'd missed about how Teemill pay out money. Actually it's worse than missed, it appears I actually took something Jack said at face value. This was a mistake. I had assumed based on a Jack tweet (THE SHAME) that Teemill just had a monthly payday on 4th of the month. They don't.

Back in the heady days of February, Jack claimed that she would receive her first Teemill payout on 4th March as Teemill pay out monthly. You'll be as shocked as I am to learn this is not accurate. Teemill pay every 30 days, so if you open a store today, sell something you'll get a payment in exactly 30 days. In other words, if you sell something everyday, one month after your first sale you'll be receiving daily payments. Jack claims to have taken just over £11,000 on the first two days of trading (1st and 2nd Feb). Jack would have been due her payment from the first days trading (1st Feb) on 2nd March and the payment from 2nd Feb sales on 3rd March. If her first payment really was on the 4th March, then this would relate to sales from 3rd Feb and would mean there had been no sales on 1st and 2nd Feb, so the Trussell Trust shouldn't have received anything as the sales fall outwith the first two days they'd agreed to accept. I doubt there were no sales on the first two days but as ever with Jack, who knows?

The lack of transparency around this is beyond a joke. I've popped Observant Squig's FORENSIC tweet and evidence behind the spoiler below.

Spoiler: Teemill Tweet+Screenshots

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Yep. A few fraus mentioned this at the time, though with all the other shit that’s gone on since then it’s no wonder we forgot.
She’s had a steady trickle through, since March until now. This is why we were waiting until early March before chasing up with the TT to see if they’d received their money; because we knew if they disassociated themselves from 3rd Feb onwards, their money should have come in at the start of March.

Jack Monroe #270 I’m even tired of myself right now

Just over £10,000 dear heart. It is still on her Twitter. Ah apologies - that’s actually better, it’s a more forensic figure 👍🏻

tattle.life

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I'm still hooting and fizzing about that poem/song. You can just tell what was going through her mind when she wrote it. It's like

Normal people: *chattering, etc.*
Jack: Excuse me, did anyone hear a girl on the radio? In between the punk rock and the Alan Yentob interview?
Normal people: Um, not really, Jack.
Jack: No one was listening for a lone middle-class voice with a broken hinge?
Normal people: You do sound a little unhinged.
Jack: HA! You think I'm just another single mother, a chav eating burgers in front of Jeremy Kyle. You don't know how I cried for all the years' worth of things I had to sell, for my lost home ...

Lament for a lost CHESTERFIELD SOFA

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I thought the SB checking her breathing scenario was after the shimmery black eye, where she tripped over her foot/dumbbell on floor and hit her eye on the tap/sink (depends which story you follow)? So she didn't say it was due to alcohol, but was implying concussion? Mithering ninnies may draw their own conclusions, but she was claiming to be sober.

Yes that is what I remember too. However some of us were suspicious at the time and suggested that if her tale was true, lack of sobriety might be behind it.

 

[welcomespins]

Same!! My god did she really think this was deep and meaningful??? Is she TWELVE?!?!

Jack my sweet summer child. Private enterprises going bust is not the same as publicly funded services being underfunded. One is part of our democratic social contract, the other is not.

Jessops going bust is the free market economy in healthy action, discarding things that the consumer no longer desires and offering more useful and more desirable things in their place. You know Jack, a bit like people used to think your recipes were useful and desirable. But then they tried them. And realised they were foul slop. So bought a Miguel Barclay book instead.

How very dare you, Jack is an accidental financial analyst! I’m sure one of her two (2) degrees is in economics and/or politics!

She’s an absolute cringe fest with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

 

[hooplifehero]

A gritty memoir commission might work. I think she’s lost the budget cook spot, there’s too many other, better people in that space now.

She could “do a Matthew Perry” for next year’s Christmas market biographies.

 

[NellieBoo]

Spoiler: Pressure cooker/Slow cooker recipes

If anyone is looking for different ideas for slow/pressure cookers then I can recommend giving Taming Twins recipes a try. I've made the chicken tikka masala, chinese beef and broccoli, easy beef curry. They've turned out really well using a pressure cooker. My son has issues with wet/soft food and he declared the chicken tikka 'banging' so had it for dinner and then his hot packed lunch for 2 days.

Easy Slow Cooker Recipes - Taming Twins

Easy slow cooker recipes are the perfect family food saviour, with little effort but huge results from meals such as curries, casseroles and much more.

www.tamingtwins.com

 

[Notmycat]

In my previous post, I just noticed a Freudian error or did I?
Boo I guess

It still works tho

 

[Valiofthedolls]

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WHAT ARE THOOOOSE
But seriously, what are those?

If I had to guess, I’d say they were out of focus print Dr Martens chelsea boots

Spoiler: Something like these

NOT these exact ones, but something in the same style/a different pattern

Either that or they’re her DEAD grandad’s one pair of everlasting immigrant shoes.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Can we settle for calling it the as I don’t want to think of beaver in the context of the Jack thread

That snow moon.

Ahem.

 

[Lucky Escape]

Leggys is the kitchen of someone who doesn't have to clean it herself. That's what hired help is for

It must take, what, half a day a week just to keep that kitchen clean - everything on those shelves will need to be taken down and dusted individually, for a start.

I wonder if Leggy has a full time housekeeper? Or just the world's unluckiest au pair?

 

[Foxvint]

My sister got both an air fryer and a slow cooker recently, swears by both of them. I'm waiting for Black Friday to get an air fryer (though I think Iceland was recently doing a deal on them, £40 each and they looked pretty decent) and doing some research but choosing which one to get is HARD, there's so many and they all have their pros and cons. And I'm just incredibly indecisive.

Theres a 40 quid 1 on amazon, proper decent dear heart

 

[Lucky Escape]

I'm pretty certain Jack's 'school run' involves saying goodbye to Nearly Teenager at the front door. The thing is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Why she has to make such a palaver of normal everyday things is beyond me.

It's a little past her bedtime though, so I can see why she'd find it a hassle.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Next book was A year in 120 recipes,

This is the food pix from the book only

The grimy hob and the fish in the pan a clitoris clam concoction and burnt Xmas biscuits which she has tried to disguise with icing sugar. These pictures are dire. The best ones are of the raw ingredients like the apples and blackberries.