Jack Monroe #424 She’s as Greek as Prince William

[Terrible]

Oh mercy, Jack's autobiography is coming out next year?

A Girl Called Slop: Chapter 1
I grew up in a shoe box in Southend, my family an exotic blend of Cypriot, Scots, Norn Irish, and Pitsea. Lest you think that sounds a bit white, I remind you that one of the waifs we graciously gave an extra bit of room at the table for 15 years is Black. This absolves me of all racial insensitivity forever. My grandfather was a penniless immigrant who came to the UK with nothing but the clothes on his back and a lunchbox full of homemade dolmades. He remained penniless until his untimely death at the age of 75. My mother was also a poor immigrant, and my dad was a firefighter. I've seen a lot of fucking fires.

Chapter Two

When I was eleven I started at a girls grammar school, which daddy drove me to in his pink Mercedes Range Rover discovery, white van, fire engine. I was of course cleverer that 99.364 and three twelfths of Essex, and not like other girls, so had no chums except Rachel from Friends who I chained myself to for cold hard cash charity until she escaped. All my teachers hated me, said they’d take me down a peg or two, and that I’d amount to nothing and Borbora said I might be able to flip burgers if I kept my legs together (Which is actually slander, considering my labial disabilities. WARNED) Then one of them stalked me until I moved house 34 times.

Anyway, despite being utterly brilliant and starring in all the school plays while being cripplingly reclusive, I only managed four point 1.8 and a half o’levels and was expelled because everyone was jealous of me.

TBC

 

[MancBee]

Is Jack the only Blogger/Influencer/Grifter to have two threads open on Tattle simultaneously?

What an accolade.

 

[AnnRKey]

Fraus...today was GLORIOUS! You may recall I mentioned a colleague who was all up in Jack's unruly labia I mean, defence, and saying she was a genius etc, how folk should leave her alone....?

Well. Today, I discovered said colleague signed up for Jack's Patreon some time ago and hasn't received a single thing and now is claiming that Jack is a FRAUD. Oh dear. Ohhhh how I laughed, and laughed, then laughed a bit more. Then...just as I was finished laughing, I managed to mutter "told you so" as I then strutted out the staff area.

If I was Jack, I would have detailed this story by adding that I turned and left with this gesture, cos afterwards I really wished I had!

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

On a mad grunk but jumping in with Jack's perception of class and also the real version.

Spoiler: Bonus Image

Bonus laser eyes Jack. Behold the birthing of a pumble.

 

[Geetbo]

anyway moving on.

In the excitement of the slopalong I hadn’t noticed how quiet she’s been the last couple of days. I really do think she’s been WARNED not to get into any shit.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Jack's mum's potatoes look roasted to perfection compared to Leggy's chicken. That bird could probably shuffle away if left unattended. View attachment 1702476

I really dislike Allegra. I think she looks like a right gobby, haughty mare. The sort of woman who says stuff like ‘I think you’ll find’ and ‘i have to say I disagree’ and just as the meetings about to finally end ‘can I just say…’

 

[jenny2603]

A squig has highlighted something I'd missed about how Teemill pay out money. Actually it's worse than missed, it appears I actually took something Jack said at face value. This was a mistake. I had assumed based on a Jack tweet (THE SHAME) that Teemill just had a monthly payday on 4th of the month. They don't.

Back in the heady days of February, Jack claimed that she would receive her first Teemill payout on 4th March as Teemill pay out monthly. You'll be as shocked as I am to learn this is not accurate. Teemill pay every 30 days, so if you open a store today, sell something you'll get a payment in exactly 30 days. In other words, if you sell something everyday, one month after your first sale you'll be receiving daily payments. Jack claims to have taken just over £11,000 on the first two days of trading (1st and 2nd Feb). Jack would have been due her payment from the first days trading (1st Feb) on 2nd March and the payment from 2nd Feb sales on 3rd March. If her first payment really was on the 4th March, then this would relate to sales from 3rd Feb and would mean there had been no sales on 1st and 2nd Feb, so the Trussell Trust shouldn't have received anything as the sales fall outwith the first two days they'd agreed to accept. I doubt there were no sales on the first two days but as ever with Jack, who knows?

The lack of transparency around this is beyond a joke. I've popped Observant Squig's FORENSIC tweet and evidence behind the spoiler below.

Spoiler: Teemill Tweet+Screenshots

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll please...... Introducing theeeeeeee Slop Girls!

 

[Jelly Bean]

Morning. Just to say she was in fact on twitter yesterday, because she 'liked' this comment about That Man's show.

View attachment 1708290

Let me speak on this for a minute because I have FEELINGS (not really lol, just a relevant anecdote). The other day my mum bought a small amount of mince for me along with her own. I was like 'oh great I'll make a bolognese'. I was going to bulk it out with a tin of lentils a la Jamie's suggestion on his programme. However, after some deep thought and soul-searching (again not really) I decided to give my mum back the mince because it's just not worth the cost of gas for me to be making one, maybe two, portions of bolognese. That's the whole point of the programme - how to reduce energy costs while making family meals which will last for more than a day. If you can't afford more than 250g of meat, I suggest mince and tatties or something which isn't going to be on the hob for an hour or more. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk etc.

But when did Jamie say his recipes were specifically for people on UC?
Of course his recipes aren't for everyone and don't address the fuel/food costs crisis across the board - but that is why there is a thing called choice and people can look to other sources for help.
Jack is being a sneaky little twat here. No wonder most other chefs/food writers won't have anything to do with her.

 

[jenny2603]

Yeah this aggravates me, people that respond to budgetting help and advice with "but what about the people that don't have a hob/can't afford meat/only have 10p for the week" etc. JO's Save with Jamie book came in for similar criticism. Not all pieces of budget cookery work have to cater for the extreme poorest, there are many people that need help to work to a tighter budget that aren't on the bones of their arse. It doesn't have to be advice to suit all people, all of the time. Just mitherers people trying to pick holes in the work others do.
Usually, the examples they use for their "but what about..." are people that likely don't need budget recipes, they need help and support and could do with signposting to where they can access such.

Couldn't agree more. I'm half expecting someone to publish a bread recipe and be confronted with someone complaining that it's no good for someone who has recently lost both arms and is waiting to be fitted for new prosthetics so can't knead the bread. It is not possible to solve the cost of living crisis through budget cooking. It's useful for people who have enough to get by but are looking to tighten their belts. For people who live in permanent crisis due to long term low income, no amount of buggering about with recipes is going to help. In a way it's quite insulting to suggest that people in long term poverty haven't already developed strategies for coping and need someone on the telly to explain it to them.

 

[Tin Can Crook]

Jack, please hurry up with the VBI so we can have universal yoghurt prices!

 

[Fruitjack]

I just looked at Veganish on Amazon and it turns out there's a photo of her looking gormless in an egg chair. Veganish indeed. A tofu chair if you please.

View attachment 1701626

‘Looking gormless in an egg chair’ for thread title. Just because gormless is such an ace word.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

I really dislike derogatory sexist terms as a rule but I’ll make an exception for her - she’s a snide bitch

I found Jamie’s tips really handy. And I know his recipes are going to taste good unlike her abominations. And I should know - I have some horse spunk lasagne in my fridge. For those not participating in the slopathon, I won’t go into a lot of detail beyond saying that my dog didn’t eat it all and it’s the only cooked human food he’s ever turned his nose up at.

 

[reCAPTCHA]

I’m so sorry that my comment made the thread take a turn for the worse.

On a lighter note (and still on the topic of ‘hands’ too soon?) I absolutely borked when I read this in that Guardian article “Also, I’m very touchy-feely when I cook, so my son sees me with my hands in food all the time, sticking my fingers into pots and pans, tasting cake mix.”

Like….ewww…use utensils like a normal person you absolute meff.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Then they came for The White Company. Then Games Workshop. Then they came for Jo Malone

Then they came for the Cotswold Co.

 

[DragonBoy]

Of all her sub Adrian Mole efforts this 'poem' has got to be the most Moleish.
'Then they came for Jessops, and I did not speak out, because I did not work for Jessops'.
Hilariously terrible.

First, the trolls came for my Patreon, and I did not speak out, because I did not work for my Patreon
Then they came for my tip jar, and I did not speak out, because I did not work for my tip jar
Then they came for my firefighter employment history, and I did not speak out, because I did not work as a firefighter
They’re coming for my lies, my misrepresentations, my embellishments, the cosplaying too
By the time the trolls are shown to be true, who will be left to endorse my grift? You?

 

[SamFoxStuckinaCloak]

This has KILLED me @Valiofthedolls I laughed so loud at the Comet the cat jumped. Then I got to Jessops and I died. What the fuck!!!! Also giving away her middle class credentials there- it’s not like Jessops was a high street staple like M&S.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Larger influencer accounts = lower conversion rate.

As well as what other Frauen have pointed out:

a) the covid fundraiser was amplified by news outlets (the Independent had an article) & probably retweeted a lot more

b) most of the Teemill "campaign" consisted of Jack tweeting "is that broken? I'll get it sorted in a minute."

c) even Jack's fans were critical of the merch, tweeting that they'd buy a tshirt if it had an apostrophe, or raising doubts about micro vs macro

d) timing. The start of covid was a great time to raise money for those in need. This year is not.

Finally, the covid fundraiser was skewed by some very large donations:

View attachment 1703180

Nobody was "donating" 500£ by buying hundreds of tshirts.

Not me thinking some dude called Anónimo had donated multiple times.

 

[MancBee]

View attachment 1705571
I’m sure it’s been discussed before but newspaper sanitary towels? About as real as Toothpaste For Dinner Man. Talk about a recipe for a chaffed chuff.

Honestly, she’s just exhausting.

I once (more than once to be honest) used the free newspaper to wipe my bum. Was it because I was too poor to buy toilet roll? No, it was because I was caught short and the toilet in the Arndale was out of paper.

I once nibbled on a cube of jelly to stave off hunger. Was I too poor to buy crisps or chocolate? No, I was peckish and couldn't be bothered to go and get some.

I once used coffee compliment (remember that?) in a cup of tea. It was disgusting. Was it because I was too poor to buy milk, or too lazy to nip to the shop?

We can all give examples of where we did stupid or horrible things that could indicate poverty, even though that is not why we did them.

Jack could possibly have done all the things she mentions, but it's more likely she did them for similar reasons to me.

 

[jenny2603]

Omg I will die of laughter if it turns she saw a huge balance in her PayPal, mistakenly thought it was the Teemill payout and went onto Twitter trumpeting the 10k figure for charity

I think you might be right. Honestly, there's no way that shop took £11,000 in two days. It would just be like Jack to go boasting without checking and rather than own up and explain, end up handing over "her" Patreon funds to save face, then try and claw back "her" money from the Teemill shop. It would certainly explain the rage and subsequent shifty behaviour.