Jack Monroe #412 Chiz on Tiz

[Slop n slide]

I ruddy love a Friday night wine grunk. Strap in, frauen und herren!

God bless Lidl!! Chin chin x

 

[quietbatperson]

I know there may have been a glitch in likes (hasn’t done anything to mine) but the appalling singing is in Jack’s. Even with pity likes (which I suspect 95% were) & hard of hearing pensioners being a bit confused (the other 5% I suspect) it didn’t even get 0.0002% likes from her followers. There’s some maths for you Jack.

Still dying at the ‘some of you asked for this’. WHO?!?

 

[jenny2603]

Molly has shared the Grenfell article and made some comments on how grim it is. Some squigs seem to be seeing it for the first time. This evening should be interesting.

 

[moldwarp]

As we are in a period of non chaos and have the opportunity to get some admin completed (it mate). May I make a suggestion for an addition to the wiki?
Something along the lines of “People who would have been fired from their jobs if Jacks BS stories were true”

Examples I have:

1. The security guard who let JM waltz into the House of Commons without ID or any kind of paperwork

2. Jacks inside man at the coroners office sending her all sorts of confidential files

i appreciate this is a piss poor start but more informed tattlers may be able to add to this?

This isn’t quite answering your brief, but there was the poor Barclays employee who Jack tried to get fired because she WAS doing her job, and refused to take Jack’s tattoos as a legitimate form of ID.

On your brief, I submit:

1. The A&E doctor who took time away from needy patients on a busy Saturday night to softly, gently listen to Jacks interminable mithering about tomatoes

2. The Ryanair cabin crew who apparently had no safety concerns around Jack skipping up and down the aisles of a plane in the air and bothering other passengers for Pringle lids

3. The Foreign Office, who apparently have no problem at all with political prisoners eschewing their diplomatic aid in favour of PM’ing Jack on Twitter

4. The driving instructor who thought it was fine to let Jack traverse a roundabout with her eyes closed and never once thought to employ the dual controls

5. The teacher who told Jack she’d never amount to anything

As for a group of people who should collectively lose their jobs for commissioning Jack to write the same lies and bullshit again and again and again, I present to you - all the commissioning editors at the Guardian.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Car Brie Nara?? Officer, arrest that squig for crimes against food!!

I’ve always made mine with egg and pecorino (prefer to Parmesan) coz I was once told NO CREAM! It’s much much nicer without - so simple and beautiful and my youngest girls absolute favourite.
[QUQUOTE]

I’ve just clenched my buttocks through her Insta reels. How is she SO inappropriate? The videos with the kitten are creepy as heck it’s like she’s nuzzling a lover, it’s grim grim grim. She’s talking about her appearance for a whole dagnabbit paragraph before she even bothers with the poor kitten’s health. <furious>

Anyway, have we factored in the Experian fees for this sponsored opportunity to showcase herself? It’s not just about you? Jackie dear it‘s always about you

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Ooh platform DM’s. Got rinsed by one of the daughters for a pair of those. Painful. Not for Jack of course. I’m sure hers were somehow free and brand-new.

 

[NellieBoo]

This isn’t quite answering your brief, but there was the poor Barclays employee who Jack tried to get fired because she WAS doing her job, and refused to take Jack’s tattoos as a legitimate form of ID.

On your brief, I submit:

1. The A&E doctor who took time away from needy patients on a busy Saturday night to softly, gently listen to Jacks interminable mithering about tomatoes

2. The Ryanair cabin crew who apparently had no safety concerns around Jack skipping up and down the aisles of a plane in the air and bothering other passengers for Pringle lids

3. The Foreign Office, who apparently have no problem at all with political prisoners eschewing their diplomatic aid in favour of PM’ing Jack on Twitter

4. The driving instructor who thought it was fine to let Jack traverse a roundabout with her eyes closed and never once thought to employ the dual controls

5. The teacher who told Jack she’d never amount to anything

As for a group of people who should collectively lose their jobs for commissioning Jack to write the same lies and bullshit again and again and again, I present to you - all the commissioning editors at the Guardian.

6. The manager of the supermarket who, when she was working there, told her she'd never amount to anything. She went back years later and at that very moment the very same manager was putting one of her books out in the shelves. She stood and watched him. That told him!

7. All the many people who have screamed at her that she should have kept her legs shut.

 

[Switchstreetz]

Dear heart, she doesn’t understand how food works

Just tweaked your post slightly hope you don't mind

Omg also guys - it looks as if Patreon have a flag for creators not fulfilling their promises? The slop thickens indeed!

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Trying to decide which is the bigger burn between
"Is active creator: false"
And
"Show taxes page: false"

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Jack is busy liking Tweets.

She’s warming up, lads.

 

[hollywood]

6. The manager of the supermarket who, when she was working there, told her she'd never amount to anything. She went back years later and at that very moment the very same manager was putting one of her books out in the shelves. She stood and watched him. That told him!

7. All the many people who have screamed at her that she should have kept her legs shut.

Some guy ( bank ? Financial advisor? )who wanted to see her feet as collateral or payment for something . Forgive my bad description . I can’t remember exactly.

 

[JombleWomble]

For reasons I won't bore you all with, I am watching a Pinocchio film with a friend. Pinocchio, just like our favourite facetuning pixie, has a nose that changes size and shape. And in this version there's a scene where he shouts "SHAN'T!"

This made me think of my dear canal so I went looking for a picture to illustrate this post with and I discovered that this film was made in... 1978!

~Makes you think~

 

[here we go again]

Still dying at the ‘some of you asked for this’. WHO?!?

Sounds threatening. They were naughty so they got punished with a Jack recipe.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Her timing is terrible. Old Harold has just made a really nice looking pilaf so will require praise and appreciationos not me wolfing it with my face in my phone. Looking forward to the catch-up.

 

[Mr Krabs]

This isn’t quite answering your brief, but there was the poor Barclays employee who Jack tried to get fired because she WAS doing her job, and refused to take Jack’s tattoos as a legitimate form of ID.

On your brief, I submit:

1. The A&E doctor who took time away from needy patients on a busy Saturday night to softly, gently listen to Jacks interminable mithering about tomatoes

2. The Ryanair cabin crew who apparently had no safety concerns around Jack skipping up and down the aisles of a plane in the air and bothering other passengers for Pringle lids

3. The Foreign Office, who apparently have no problem at all with political prisoners eschewing their diplomatic aid in favour of PM’ing Jack on Twitter

4. The driving instructor who thought it was fine to let Jack traverse a roundabout with her eyes closed and never once thought to employ the dual controls

5. The teacher who told Jack she’d never amount to anything

As for a group of people who should collectively lose their jobs for commissioning Jack to write the same lies and bullshit again and again and again, I present to you - all the commissioning editors at the Guardian.

Michael Portillo, for telling Jack she should have kept her legs shut.

Crazy how many people have told Jack the same thing over the years.

Perhaps they meant to say “you should have kept your legs shut…. when you took that creepy hotel room selfie”.

 

[NellieBoo]

Some guy ( bank ? Financial advisor? )who wanted to see her feet as collateral or payment for something . Forgive my bad description . I can’t remember exactly.

Ooh yes. Of course! The mortgage broker who would have ignored her terrible credit score, debt, CCJs and lack of income and given her a mortgage for a glimpse of her ground grippers.

 

[hollywood]

Ooh yes. Of course! The mortgage broker who would have ignored her terrible credit score, debt, CCJs and lack of income and given her a mortgage for a glimpse of her ground grippers.

Your recall is much more forensic than mine dearheart

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Michael Portillo, for telling Jack she should have kept her legs shut.

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Crazy how many people have told Jack the same thing over the years.

View attachment 1633753

Perhaps they meant to say “you should have kept your legs shut…. when you took that creepy hotel room selfie”.

Every time I read that story I shrivel inside for those poor kids. Knowing she was walking around just hoping someone would say something-probably making the kids even more hyper-aware and uncomfortable than you already are as a looked-after child. And why does having a 9 year old and a mixed race child make you and I do apologise but these are her crass words as ever, ‘a slut.’ Why would a young woman her age be a foster carer? She’s never grown out of that behaviour either-it’s so ‘13 year old’ to think everyone you pass in the street is looking at you, thinking about you, making judgements about you. Nobody cares Jack.

 

[moldwarp]

Jack is busy liking Tweets.

She’s warming up, lads.

She is awaiting the advent of (The is always v busy with deliveries on a Friday) and then she shall commence.

Ooh yes. Of course! The mortgage broker who would have ignored her terrible credit score, debt, CCJs and lack of income and given her a mortgage for a glimpse of her ground grippers.

Ground grippers has ended me for some reason

 

[LadyGarden]

Michael Portillo, for telling Jack she should have kept her legs shut.

View attachment 1633747

Crazy how many people have told Jack the same thing over the years.

View attachment 1633753

Perhaps they meant to say “you should have kept your legs shut…. when you took that creepy hotel room selfie”.

Didn't she say she fell out with her brother because he said The Pov years were her fault for having a child out of wedlock (or something like that). It's as if Sarfend is stuck in a Dickensian timewarp.

This excerpt from an earlier post about suggestions for her dating profile sound a bit ... rapey get me so drunk I drop me kecks.

 

[miss_terious]

Michael Portillo, for telling Jack she should have kept her legs shut.

View attachment 1633747

Crazy how many people have told Jack the same thing over the years.

View attachment 1633753

Perhaps they meant to say “you should have kept your legs shut…. when you took that creepy hotel room selfie”.

she probably heard this line on tv once and thought it would make a good story.

 

[here we go again]

Girlish armour? Someone please kill me now, it'll be for the best.