Jack Monroe #411 More flounces than an 80s wedding dress.

[Smeghead]

Just so you know. I go into my local pizza place and they don’t even ask my name, I don’t know how they recognise me as I don’t have any tattoos.

‘Are you Lumpyspaceprincess from Tattle?’ they whisper. ‘Thank you for everything you do and for bringing all different body sized space princesses into the public consciousness.’

 

[Geetbo]

I have to say I didn’t realise Jacks stans were quite so fucking thick as they seem to be. I thought they were all either drippy but well meaning middle class women or neckbeards who want to sauce her pumble.

 

[ScarlettOHaha]

I LOVE parody Jack!

 

[jenny2603]

AM has just posted a picture of a risotto that she’s just made.

I don’t like risotto but I do absolutely love how it looks a million times better than thing Jack has ever produced. Wonderful.

Jack must be having to sit on her hands to stop hersellf tweeting something spiteful. Meanwhile the squigs are in high spirits...

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Thread title by an unknown squid on twitter and Nominated by: jenny2603
Who wins a signed and laminated original hand written copy of Jack's Poetry.

Mind those edges, sharp.

As for recap...

She's Oh So Quiet....
She's Oh so still....
She's all alone....
And so peaceful until.....

Please read Wiki above and obey all Mods at all times otherwise they'll get the hot wax in your top lips.

Yeah but there ain't much a goooooing on right now it seems. Is a chaos brewing? Maybe.. maybe she's learnt to keep her fingers for poking Pumble and not tweeting shite.

 

[Django]

Now we know why she has so many hats and wigs.

View attachment 1627198

 

[Phillipa78]

I'm not sure we'd captured the full thread on this quote tweet of parody Jack, by a Jack Stan. Did we know about the claims of additional security at Hastings festival? Presumably of the private kind and not celebrity po po or MI5. Didn't turn up you say?! #tossers

Sorry, my screengrab obscured the bottom of the second part. Insert "trolls" and it will all make sense!

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

And here she is explaining she had her 7 year old taking pics of her...in a bra and dungarees. None of her fawning FB group fans question that.

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Jack returned to twitter with a tantrum about how the parody account with about 200 followers was trying to get all UP IN HER NICHE. She succeeded in drawing attention to it and they're now up over 1k followers. She blocked them, but not until the delicious limelight was shone on them for long enough to boost their account into the twittersphere. Chapeau Jack!

That was a genius move on her part.
And, seeing as the account is still there, it'll have shaken her faith in her FM mass reporting abilities.
If that account is able to stay and openly poke fun, she'll remain the Butt Of jokes for the foreseeable, it's the stuff of narc rage.

 

[Django]

Shame on you. WARNED

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Quit her fire service job because “it’s interently wrong to foist” your child onto other people while you work (ie childcare), in case he ‘ends up becoming damaged like a child in foster care’

 

[Serafina Pekkala]

Imagine going to the effort of changing your banner thingy and then covering part of the quote.
What a sloppy clown
I think it says, Jack Monroe's argument is a fucked one...

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

I'm just catching up on a few pages so apologises if this has been mentioned but wasn't the green eggs and ham bake or whatever it is a recipe of that post-it wall of recipes she posted ages ago? I'm sure it was. She said she had soooooo many recipes to choose from for her book. I can't remember what book as Grifty Kitchen has taken 84 years.

I thought this too and just spent an inordinate amount of time scrolling through her media (past the ugly hat phase, and spooooooons, and the dying-my-entire-wardrobe-but-not-actually-my-entire-wardrobe-black era) and found it: green eggs and ham fifth row from bottom in “bread and breakfasts” [insert saccharine tale about slumlord grandpa here]

Given that the new slop is pasta I assume it’s not breakfast, just another bastardisation and she can literally only pass off her shite cooking with gimmicks so she’s used Dr Seuss for its name again.

Also nobody who has a job with hours of any consequence has time to post as many selfies as she does. She’s such a pathetic attention seeker.

On my scrolls I saw lots of pics of poor Mini and I’d like to call bullshit once and for all on the “I was looking after her for someone else” nonsense.

Why would you even consider the logistics of spaying and chipping a cat who wasn’t yours? If she was just being looked after there’d be no reason to think about it. That she lies with such ease about shit like this is horrifying. Also she clearly knows it’s dodgy else she wouldn’t lie she’d say that Mini had an accident or got sick or whatever. I’m glad she got reported to the RSPCA. She shouldn’t have animals.

 

[jenny2603]

A well rinsed hoop is important to those of us familiar with Jack's body of work.

 

[jenny2603]

Why was she collecting wedding dresses? I'd both love and hate to see the results of the photoshoots. I just know they'd be terrible!


I never watched it (can't bare to) but isn't this from when she was throwing herself about in tiny pj shorts, and described herself as nearly showing her 'ham sandwich'?

She's so desperate to be sexy, and she's just not.

I did a Google image search for Jack Monroe in a wedding dress and got the picture below. She looks very different without the photoshop.

 

[Tin Can Crook]

New call into Slopline for assistance.

Squig is probably listening to a howling and clawing voicemail whilst awaiting help:

"Hello this is Slopline, let me have ONE NICE THING"

 

[Tin Can Crook]

View attachment 1626062

Instagram response to Jack's bullying post

This made me go look at Instagram and FD actually followed up again earlier today.

Spoiler: Spoilering for easy scrolling

Quoting myself like a twat but I mentioned on Sunday Jack had majorly exaggerated the number of comments (although it was still a lot)

Minor me-rail but I do feel a bit weird about the whole thing because I was the one screenshotting FD, I also pointed out that photo on the thread here and pointed out it was two weeks prior to when Jack said Content had been groomed two weeks prior. I just wanted to make it clear that I have had zero contact with this squig. I'm not interested in crossing over outside of Tattle. I'm just somebody with far too much free time over the past weekend hence taking up screenshotting duty. 🥲

 

[jenny2603]

Whilst it's quiet, let us remember the time that Asda were so scared of Jack they relabelled all their own make stuff as Smart Price and sold it at, if not a loss then significantly reduced profit margins. February was pretty cold, if I remember correctly.

 

[katy_beans]

A new slop! Another recipe in progress! Another insistence on telling us how many people are (supposedly) in her household!

 

[Mr Krabs]

What happened with her and Leggy - who left who and how long were they together? I watched a video interview of them together and Jack was very try hard. I agree that the relationship seems to have given Jack a taste for a lifestyle she is unable to be a part of on her own merits. Maybe she would have been a nicer, less entitled and greedy person if she and Leggy had never met. Makes you think.

They moved in together incredibly quickly. I think it was days before she moved to London, SB in tow. Engagement announcements were in May of that year, and they’d split by October. Then Jack moved back to Southend and complained that SB didn’t have a school place nearby, because well, she’d been dragging the poor kid from place to place. I’m not sure how long the romance lasted in total.

I dunno. I know Allegra is a bit of a shit person but I wouldn’t blame her for Jack’s ridiculousness. The age gap would have made things difficult to begin with, especially since Allegra was already an established name and Jack was just a budget blogger. There’s plenty of evidence that Jack was an entitled cunt long before the days of Leggy and her media crew, and it’s not like Jack was some smol little 19 year old with big dreams. She was 27 and had a kid. Most people in that situation would have been much more sensible.

And did Jack ever milk the Leggy break up. The fake heart attacks and moving to a sad widdle draughty cold flat (which was actually gorgeous and a 2 bed overlooking the sea).