Jack Monroe #411 More flounces than an 80s wedding dress.

[MoistenedGussets]

Thread title by an unknown squid on twitter and Nominated by: jenny2603
Who wins a signed and laminated original hand written copy of Jack's Poetry.

Mind those edges, sharp.

As for recap...

She's Oh So Quiet....
She's Oh so still....
She's all alone....
And so peaceful until.....

Please read Wiki above and obey all Mods at all times otherwise they'll get the hot wax in your top lips.

Yeah but there ain't much a goooooing on right now it seems. Is a chaos brewing? Maybe.. maybe she's learnt to keep her fingers for poking Pumble and not tweeting shite.

 

[Phillipa78]

Jack returned to twitter with a tantrum about how the parody account with about 200 followers was trying to get all UP IN HER NICHE. She succeeded in drawing attention to it and they're now up over 1k followers. She blocked them, but not until the delicious limelight was shone on them for long enough to boost their account into the twittersphere. Chapeau Jack!

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Jack returned to twitter with a tantrum about how the parody account with about 200 followers was trying to get all UP IN HER NICHE. She succeeded in drawing attention to it and they're now up over 1k followers. She blocked them, but not until the delicious limelight was shone on them for long enough to boost their account into the twittersphere. Chapeau Jack!

That was a genius move on her part.
And, seeing as the account is still there, it'll have shaken her faith in her FM mass reporting abilities.
If that account is able to stay and openly poke fun, she'll remain the Butt Of jokes for the foreseeable, it's the stuff of narc rage.

 

[StatusWoe]

Sorry, bringing this over from last thread because I didn't reply in time.

BRAVO, tender one. That is glorious. This part “smiled bright yet Dickensian smiles and scarpered eagerly towards the anchovies on their wobbly malnourished legs” put me very much in mind of this overwritten self serving guff, only yours was much better written, and of course your tale had a happy ending for someone (other than the one where everyone claps, cheers and tells her how wonderful she is).

From potatoes. Awful. Spoilering. Florid prose and ‘destitution’ alert.

Thank you for sharing that wonderful, hideous extract. Have an owl + some champagne. When you say 'from potatoes' I'm assuming you mean that some potatoes wrote the article? Poor things.

Someone on a previous thread compared her to Adrian Mole iirc. In The Wilderness Years, he's working on a novel called Lo! The Flat Hills of My Homeland. It's atrocious but he obviously thinks it's a work of genius and we're given glimpses of this work-in-progress throughout the book. I'll have to find some quotes because it's 100% something Jack would write.

 

[Phillipa78]

I'm not sure we'd captured the full thread on this quote tweet of parody Jack, by a Jack Stan. Did we know about the claims of additional security at Hastings festival? Presumably of the private kind and not celebrity po po or MI5. Didn't turn up you say?! #tossers

Sorry, my screengrab obscured the bottom of the second part. Insert "trolls" and it will all make sense!

 

[StatusWoe]

I hope this doesn't count as spamming.

Adrian Mole vs. Jack Monroe:

Spoiler: Bad Writing

Lo! The Flat Hills of My Homeland

Jake pulled the collar of his Next black leather jacket up against the cruel wind that blew across the Thames. He stared down into the ebbing water. It was time he did something with his life other than help with famine relief in Sudan. He knew what it was. It was something he had fought against - God knows how he had fought! But the compulsion was overwhelming now. He had to do it. He had to write a novel...

Later in the book, Adrian also visits Greece and writes this astute poem. Is he Jack?

Oh Greece, ancient cultured land.
You wrap around my heart just like
An old elastic band.
Your hag-like women pensioners
Clad in clothes of black,
Are they unaware of all the services they lack?
Will they be content to watch
The donkey with its load?
Won't they want a vehicle
To drive along the road?

I'm not sure we'd captured the full thread on this quote tweet of parody Jack, by a Jack Stan. Did we know about the claims of additional security at Hastings festival? Presumably of the private kind and not celebrity po po or MI5. Didn't turn up you say?! #tossers

View attachment 1625694
View attachment 1625695

Sorry, my screengrab obscured the bottom of the second part. Insert "trolls" and it will all make sense!

Omg these people! The worst thing about this is being called an alt-right wanker. I was in the Young Communist League as a teenager. I'm an alt-left wanker! #truthtelling

I hope reporting the account won't be enough to shut it down? I know parody accounts are usually tolerated, but if they have a large number of reports maybe it'll trigger some kind of action?

 

[MoistenedGussets]

I'm not sure we'd captured the full thread on this quote tweet of parody Jack, by a Jack Stan. Did we know about the claims of additional security at Hastings festival? Presumably of the private kind and not celebrity po po or MI5. Didn't turn up you say?! #tossers

View attachment 1625694
View attachment 1625695

Sorry, my screengrab obscured the bottom of the second part. Insert "trolls" and it will all make sense!

She wasn't a big hit though. Barely, if any impact on SM at all. The book festivals twitter got bombarded with questions for Monroe. I think that'll happen far more now. If ITV announced her as a guest on some day time toss TV, their twitter will become all questions and hidden replies and comments off. She's shot the albatross and had it with roast taters.

 

[Serafina Pekkala]

Imagine going to the effort of changing your banner thingy and then covering part of the quote.
What a sloppy clown
I think it says, Jack Monroe's argument is a fucked one...

 

[jenny2603]

Thread title by an unknown squid on twitter and Nominated by: jenny2603
Who wins a signed and laminated original hand written copy of Jack's Poetry.

Mind those edges, sharp.

As for recap...

She's Oh So Quiet....
She's Oh so still....
She's all alone....
And so peaceful until.....

Please read Wiki above and obey all Mods at all times otherwise they'll get the hot wax in your top lips.

Yeah but there ain't much a goooooing on right now it seems. Is a chaos brewing? Maybe.. maybe she's learnt to keep her fingers for poking Pumble and not tweeting shite.

What an honour and what a prize. The poor children may have rumpled bus tickets but my Jack poetry collection will remain pristine.

 

[Emmapism]

Ok I'll go first

Take it from an economist, Jack Monroe's argument is a.......... facking nonsense

 

[WhyYouCry?]

I hope this doesn't count as spamming.

Adrian Mole vs. Jack Monroe:

Spoiler: Bad Writing

Lo! The Flat Hills of My Homeland

Jake pulled the collar of his Next black leather jacket up against the cruel wind that blew across the Thames. He stared down into the ebbing water. It was time he did something with his life other than help with famine relief in Sudan. He knew what it was. It was something he had fought against - God knows how he had fought! But the compulsion was overwhelming now. He had to do it. He had to write a novel...

Later in the book, Adrian also visits Greece and writes this astute poem. Is he Jack?

Oh Greece, ancient cultured land.
You wrap around my heart just like
An old elastic band.
Your hag-like women pensioners
Clad in clothes of black,
Are they unaware of all the services they lack?
Will they be content to watch
The donkey with its load?
Won't they want a vehicle
To drive along the road?

Omg these people! The worst thing about this is being called an alt-right wanker. I was in the Young Communist League as a teenager. I'm an alt-left wanker! #truthtelling

I hope reporting the account won't be enough to shut it down? I know parody accounts are usually tolerated, but if they have a large number of reports maybe it'll trigger some kind of action?

Honestly same. I’m sure I could be accused of being many things, but right wing is not one of them.

 

[AlwightDallin]

Ok two questions. One - this photo was posted in May 21 where she was embracing some quite considerable grey.

Why isn’t she fully grey now? How is her hair darker? Even if she’s buying a box dye they’re like £8-£12 but yet she’s grating soap?

Secondly an old old late 2020 post has an Amazon affiliate link in it (to some silicone bag things) meaning she makes a small cut of any click through purchases.

Ergo, she has a further income stream - and if she’s used the link when posting her own book - double bubble!! (But fling her £10.99 to her PayPal and she’ll save you the bother and ‘donate’ one to a local food bank??!)

Bet she’s gutted Kwasi has knocked the 45p tax rate cut on the head. Could have saved her a few Bob!

 

[Yel]

fixed it for you Jackie

 

[StatusWoe]

Imagine going to the effort of changing your banner thingy and then covering part of the quote.
What a sloppy clown
I think it says, Jack Monroe's argument is a fucked one...

And that's if anyone's eyes make it beyond her profile photo. It looks as though her lips are taking over the rest of her face. The way her huge, sad eyes peer at you, the hair that's being attacked by an unseen magnetic force. Nobody's going to read that quote when there's so much disturbing content to gawp at.

 

[Geetbo]

I have to say I didn’t realise Jacks stans were quite so bleeping thick as they seem to be. I thought they were all either drippy but well meaning middle class women or neckbeards who want to sauce her pumble.

 

[5Alive]

"Just walked into Parliament tonight. And the armed Police office said, “are you Jack Monroe from Twitter? I love your feed. What you are doing is amazing. Keep going.” This sort of thing is happening a lot now. It’s both discombobulating and heartening in equal measure"

 

[Grizzlybear]

why you cry

neckbeards who want to sauce her pumble.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Just so you know. I go into my local pizza place and they don’t even ask my name, I don’t know how they recognise me as I don’t have any tattoos.

 

[Sensible Susan]

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Imagine going to the effort of changing your banner thingy and then covering part of the quote.
What a sloppy clown
I think it says, Jack Monroe's argument is a fucked one...

I read the article it's from.
I don't think Jack has..

The writer summed up at the end by saying no argument is really accurate and the ONS needs to do more research... if she thinks that is a glowing recommendation, well she needs to do more research.