Am I the only one who would welcome another Burger LaBill style chaos? Yes they also needed trigger warnings but it was a simpler time, no dear hearts?
Jack Monroe #397 Note to self pick up more Lil’ smokies when in Tblisi
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Hard agree!
I feel soiled.
[Spoken Intro: Gordon Ramsay]
What we've got here is failure to cook edible food
Some 'cook' who just can't teach
So you get what we had here last week
Which is the way she wants it
Well, squigs get it
*Whistling*
And I don't like it any more than you men
[Bridge - I'm an expert on bridges. And Tanks.]
Look at my constant lying
Look at me, Rishi, I'm crying
Look at me hinting I'm dying
The way I've always done before
Look at the hate I'm breeding
Look at the slop I'm feeding
Look at the life I'm leading
The way I've always done before
[Verse 1]
Her hands are lies
The ouchies shift from side to side
And I'm twittering on with brainwashed pride
For the love of Mom and my monetised slights
And all these things are swept aside
By unwashed hands, lies I'll always deny
And I accuse them all of genocide
And deleting tweets hides the truth of my grifting mooooore
[Warbling, out of tune and tempo wailing Solo]
[Verse 2]
My Dad wore a black armband when they shot the man
Who said: "Peace could last forever"
And in my first memories, he shot a cannon for me
And I'll triangulate all those shits who can really see me
Cause they never fell for my White as Mayo scam
They got the receipts to see and to remind y'all
That you can't trust Jack when it's all part of my plan
To be lying and howlin' for Dad's empty flat
[Chorus]
And I just need your money moo-re
I'll blame the rich, and shout over the poor
I'm money-hungry, rantin' 'bout rice in ASDA's Shoebury store
It's all lies, pal. Poors don' need your cash when I do mooo-re
Ooh, no, no, no, no, no, no
[Bridge]
Look at the shoes you're buying
Look at the clothes I'm 'finding'
Look at the face I'm filling
The way I try to look like I'm 24
Look in the self-pity I've wallowed
Look at the tweeters you've followed
Look at the lies you've swallowed
And you won't want to eat no more
[Verse 3]
The onions aren't fried
In all the slop I've never tried
But still, the grift goes on as the years go by
Despite all my privilege, I can't get it right
And all receipts are swept aside
By the credulity of the hypnotized
I'll accuse Tattle of twaticide
And hunt them down to knock on their front dooooors
[Keyboard mashing Solo]
[Interlude]
I practice selective targeting
Of personalities and vulnerable Twitter users
For example, to depict a vacuum
When I use that substance
As my bank account increases
A house is closer
But I always duck it up
I just want your money mooo-re
It makes me rich, while I claim that I'm poor
I'm power-hungry, sellin' trauma like a human misery store
Ain't that sick? Just donate to me instead of those poors
No no no no no no no no no no no no
I deserve your money mooo-re
Greed and avarice is at my very core
I'll rattle that tip jar and be a whining, raging bore
Ain't that old? I want you all to prove you love me mooo-re
Pay Pay Pay P-pay-pay-pay-pay-pay Pal me now
I just need a couple hundred grand more
Ooh, if I don't get it, I'll start another Flyin' Monkey War
Now now now, now-OW!, OW! More!
[Outro]
What's so evil 'bout wanting more anyway?
[Spoken Intro: Gordon Ramsay]
What we've got here is failure to cook edible food
Some 'cook' who just can't teach
So you get what we had here last week
Which is the way she wants it
Well, squigs get it
*Whistling*
And I don't like it any more than you men
[Bridge - I'm an expert on bridges. And Tanks.]
Look at my constant lying
Look at me, Rishi, I'm crying
Look at me hinting I'm dying
The way I've always done before
Look at the hate I'm breeding
Look at the slop I'm feeding
Look at the life I'm leading
The way I've always done before
[Verse 1]
Her hands are lies
The ouchies shift from side to side
And I'm twittering on with brainwashed pride
For the love of Mom and my monetised slights
And all these things are swept aside
By unwashed hands, lies I'll always deny
And I accuse them all of genocide
And deleting tweets hides the truth of my grifting mooooore
[Warbling, out of tune and tempo wailing Solo]
[Verse 2]
My Dad wore a black armband when they shot the man
Who said: "Peace could last forever"
And in my first memories, he shot a cannon for me
And I'll triangulate all those shits who can really see me
Cause they never fell for my White as Mayo scam
They got the receipts to see and to remind y'all
That you can't trust Jack when it's all part of my plan
To be lying and howlin' for Dad's empty flat
[Chorus]
And I just need your money moo-re
I'll blame the rich, and shout over the poor
I'm money-hungry, rantin' 'bout rice in ASDA's Shoebury store
It's all lies, pal. Poors don' need your cash when I do mooo-re
Ooh, no, no, no, no, no, no
[Bridge]
Look at the shoes you're buying
Look at the clothes I'm 'finding'
Look at the face I'm filling
The way I try to look like I'm 24
Look in the self-pity I've wallowed
Look at the tweeters you've followed
Look at the lies you've swallowed
And you won't want to eat no more
[Verse 3]
The onions aren't fried
In all the slop I've never tried
But still, the grift goes on as the years go by
Despite all my privilege, I can't get it right
And all receipts are swept aside
By the credulity of the hypnotized
I'll accuse Tattle of twaticide
And hunt them down to knock on their front dooooors
[Keyboard mashing Solo]
[Interlude]
I practice selective targeting
Of personalities and vulnerable Twitter users
For example, to depict a vacuum
When I use that substance
As my bank account increases
A house is closer
But I always duck it up
I just want your money mooo-re
It makes me rich, while I claim that I'm poor
I'm power-hungry, sellin' trauma like a human misery store
Ain't that sick? Just donate to me instead of those poors
No no no no no no no no no no no no
I deserve your money mooo-re
Greed and avarice is at my very core
I'll rattle that tip jar and be a whining, raging bore
Ain't that old? I want you all to prove you love me mooo-re
Pay Pay Pay P-pay-pay-pay-pay-pay Pal me now
I just need a couple hundred grand more
Ooh, if I don't get it, I'll start another Flyin' Monkey War
Now now now, now-OW!, OW! More!
[Outro]
What's so evil 'bout wanting more anyway?
Last edited:
Tut tut is she copying him??
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My husband (30 years as a chef, no longer a chef but still in hospitality) says this all the time and is truly baffled why anyone would try her recipes or take food advice from her.
I know what you mean. It had everything, Jack making an utter clown of herself whilst deluding herself there are people out there full of rage and envy at her getting pumped for a burger. When we were all hooting at what a dead giveaway it was that she feels the need to practically live tweet a ride, so rarely does it happen.
Wait so she's writing a memoir, a book about DWP failings AND another food book? Why is anyone trusting that she will do all this when she can't meet deadlines for one book?!I just looked to see if there was a release date for the “thrifty kitchen” book, because her publishers site had said Spring, not sure if it still does though.
But, on Amazon saw THIS!
View attachment 1586369
That sunrise clock won't work from there - it's far too far away for the light to have any effect upon her. It's just a £179 (conservative estimate, I've forgotten exactly how much that model went for) ornament.
The high heels on the shelf 🫣
ETA: and at least 20 Moleskin notebooks
Lol she's done the same with putting it in "SB's room". It's on the drawers by the window instead of the shelves by the bed.
I want her to post a recipe
I want her to post a recipe
Oh God, no. Nobody deserves that.
We'd get a Dead Queen Savoury Sardine Smoothie Bowl with dog kibble making a heart round the goldsprayed crown.
This sounds like the perfect chaos for tomorrow. PLEASE JACK, I BEG YOU.
Many copies of her own books, notebooks, folders, some real books and gaps filled with shoes and baskets. That's not a library, it's an Egyptian tomb.
But she found them all in a puddle
I know it's asking a lot but if Jack could somehow anger the Sussex Squad and the Monarchy Stans tomorrow it would be glorious and very much what Her Majesty (RIP) would have wanted.
Wait a minute.
In January she rearranged her house and now sleeps in a library.
In September she...er...rearranged her house and now sleeps in a library.
What happened in between?
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