Jack Monroe #392 This is why ppl cook you on that gossip app innit

[Mirtazapinejack]

How the fuck did she write this with a straight face?

LOL the audacity

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Despite registering, I can't seem to get into her 'talk'. No link has been sent out and it should be starting imminently. What's going on?!

You had to wait for the organiser.to send a link.
The organiser will have checked your details.
If you're not really an employee of the 3 groups, you're probably not gonna get it.

 

[Ablemabel]

Have to drag this through from the last thread too. Seriously, what is the grey bit??

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Disgusting. That's what it is.

 

[SpudYouHate]

Is she planning on a big move to the US?
Is that where she will find her forever home and some burly stud to take her for a wife?!

Good luck on your endeavor pet.

Brought to mind the lovely (far lovelier than JM) Charlotte Coleman and her Cowboy guy from the epilogue of Four Weddings!

 

[Mrsoverall]

Trsut me, Jack was never a sex worker. The shitting dog would have been eaten alive on her first shift. It's just more pov wank fantasy for the neckbeard mention men.
[/QUOTE
Ugh. I see these sex work positive blokes regularly on the hell-site. All about choosy choice for stuff they'd Never do themselves Fuck the fuck off

Yeah she does this, means she’s grunked what I said about rechargeable stick Hoover’s. Did she buy it in wilko?

Ooo has anyone seen the news about the new Henry Hoover Quick? Am desperate for one but can't afford it. Send King Charles poundios

Sounds like a Victorian mourning dish.

There could be a Whitby jet carving of it to wear as a vile brooch

It's her way of dealing with enemies. Then she feeds the pies to her pumble overlord.

Spoiler: Scary scary images

I put Jack and pumble into an AI. The results are terrifying. Also does 'Jack' not look a like she was crossed with that wee fella with a skinny cock who also happens not to be a murderer?
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[Helena Handbasket]

Can I recommend a look at Thread 31 where Jack comes to Tattle. It's very good.

Oh it’s class.

 

[Justacatindisguise]

Grunking again.

Spoiler: Naproxen merail

I see JM took Naproxen for a SORE THROAT?! She must have a steel stomach. I am prescribed it, rarely take it. I've had to this evening (on a full stomach and I take omeprazole every day just in case I need to take Naproxen) and now I have a dodgy tummy to accompany the back pain

Spoiler: more naproxen merailing

I've been on it twice a day for years and the dodgy tummy barely even registers now no wonder she needs that squatty potty if she's taking it for fuck all reason without omeprazole or something

 

[SpudYouHate]

Perhaps she’s going to be advising how to prepare food with absolutely zero texture for patients who’ve lost the ability to chew.

And who've also lost the ability to taste, hopefully.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

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I mean, she’s definitely not coming in on an O-1B - her television “achievements” are quite extraordinary, I’ll give you that, but I don’t think quite in the way they mean. Has she been catfished by a doppelgänger grifting American into getting a fiancé visa? Given all her ailments there’s no way she’d pass the physical for that.

I’m calling bullshit on the US Embassy breadcrumbing. Two people probably asked her “Do you want to come with ‘us’ to Embassy (the shoe shop)? and she’s run with it. Or she’s marrying Elon Musk. I’m also ok with that given that they’re as grim as each other

Oh no, she has her eye on Amber Heard, doesn't she! Match made in heaven.

 

[GrannyOgg]

I wish she’d learn to write. This is unreadable, overblown, pseudo intellectual wordpumble.

Well she’s certainly not Catherine Cookson is she. She’s very noticeably on her best behaviour though

 

[RinsingHoops]

Noooo.....I was going to wait up another half an hour just in case part 2 landed! Think I'm probably safe going to bed now then

Nooo, I thought 8.20 was the time not the date <face palm>

 

[Justacatindisguise]

I have a much younger brother and even though I'm 51 and wasn't around much when he grew up I would still call myself his big sister. Her brother and sister were adopted, so I think it's unfair to call Jack out for referring to them that way, in fact I think she'd get more stick if she didn't! However I do completely agree that using any of your family members to centre things and make them all about you is wrong..

Agreed. From what I've seen both the younger siblings have been with their parents since they were babies (and must be officially adopted if they retired from fostering in 2015) so it's not like she's only known the lad a couple of years. It's uncomfortable when you've seen what else she's said about the foster kids (possibly not these two specifically but who fucking knows) though.

When someone mentioned the pie possibly saying "bro" the other day it did make me wonder if he sometimes sucks it up and goes round for tea when J's there.

 

[MoistenedGussets]

We don't publicise our internal staff wellbeing events on our public social media, as they're not for clients or the general public, and it seems to me that's what this is.

It is exactly that.
It is only technically open to 3 organisations.

 

[Belgian Bun]

Excellent, EXCELLENT point! I used to read her weekly column years (and years) ago, because it was like watching a car crash in slow motion...
I'm not even sorry.

I still do, though it gives me nasty feeling in my poor ickle bunny tummy.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

“I don’t talk about my brother often - he’s a minor and his stories are his to tell. Also, we’ve only spoke like 3 times in person, in real life. I left home years ago, after all! I really only mention him when I want to preach with imagined-authority on issues of race to social media. Anyway, as I was saying…”

She has capitalised Black. I’m done.

 

[Wooh]

Yeah, nah. Them things don’t work for voice loss.

I love that the first several ingredients would form a reasonable gut health "elixir" before clogging up things with coconut oil. Yes, it really made me think

 

[Helatruralhome]

I am struggling to understand how someone can rave about how much better hard brushes are than Hoovers and then later the same day spill verbal diarrhoea about the joys of Hoovers unless they are either deliberately trolling or have dementia.

(Maybe that's the next self diagnosis...)

No it's likely the dysphasia she sadly referred to- substitute: 'expensive vacuum brand' for 'hard brush' everytime Jack uses the brand- vacuums aren't for poors clearly and the extra exercise is also good for keeping warm too- go well, pal

 

[Captainmouse]

But she doesn’t drive a car because of roundabouts? When did she say it was because of the planet?

When the bandwagon hove into view

 

[Dogmuck]

@GrannyOgg no rush darl, but I don’t want to start the programme I’m about to watch until I’ve read your hotly anticipated post.

Jesus Lazarus - we are twinning tonight
Now get up and walk!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Why has she been quiet for so long? Is she getting another burgering?

Oh LJC I hope she’s quiet. Can you imagine that nasal monotone voice whining saucy encouragement and sweet nothings to you mid-coitus?!

It would almost be enough to send you running out into the night in alarm. Oh wait…