Jack Monroe #382 Any thicker she’d set (unlike her white sauce)

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I love the idea that the nefarious forces of capitalism are sitting on their yachts being desperately worried by Jack.

“Our profits are up 80%, Mr Oil.”

“Immaterial, I’m afraid, Mr Lackey. Jack Monroe has Tweeted about how she hates the Tories. I’m afraid it’s all over for us.”
 
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Thank you, Squig but as you can see I have completed it, mate.
It's really telling that when someone says 'get off the internet' she's like 'Oh I do, I go out once a day and don't check twitter for an hour at a time!' Which implies that every waking minute she's not at a meeting / out for lunch with pretend friends she's online.
 
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I was thinking about Jack when I woke up - thanks canal - and it occurred to me that she's objectively BAD at everything she claims to do for 'work'

She's a cook - I think objectively she's a bad cook, right? I'm no cook but I would never photograph those meals if I made them, even to show a close friend or family member.

She's a writer - objectively I think she's a bad writer. This is something I know about and I think she misuses words, overdoes melodramatic repetition, exaggerates wildly and ladles on the rhetoric until her point is lost.

She's an activist - she tweets weak insults at Tories like Rick from the Young Ones. 'Yeah Thatcher you haggard old w*nkspangle, living in your house built of Woe on the ruins of poor people's bones!'

She's a media commentator - sh!tting dog. Nervous, sniffing, zero charisma or confidence, makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

She's a social media commentator - well, she is clearly awful at social media. No boundaries, no sense of professional and personal, no boosting of others, quick to respond with hostility

She's a food photographer - I would say her photography is mediocre at best?

She's a 'model' - well, I don't want to be unkind.

Everything you can think of that Jack claims to be - from single mother (she isn't) to great lover (6 hour random bang) - she constantly demonstrates that she isn't.
 
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Crikey that is quite a big patreon drop isn't it?
Jack must be relying on Nigella's largesse again any time soon.
 
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I suspect the OP saw her at the aparthotel?
 
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For sure no from rehab, even mad narcs deserve privacy there even if it is a load of tosh coz y’know, the canal has the principles that Jack doesn’t that’s why we’re all here.

But my goat is being properly garrotted by these claims of an establishment takedown…like, seriously?! IT IS ALL YOUR OWN WORDS. Squealing TORIES BAD JACK GOOD does not make you immune from questions and dare I say it criticism from your grifting!

PS I still think we should get to hear about the chaos in Dordrecht though. I like to imagine what that was sometimes.

PPS Anniversary trauma. Surely it’s going to be a rehash of something she can’t possibly think of anything new - she’s been traumatised by EVERYTHING EVER!!
 
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The thing is if she just picked say writing and cooking and worked at them she could be mediocre and bump along making a living. For activism she could just retweet and boost established campaigns so we don't get serious issues derailed with Jack being traumatised by brown envelopes and clawing the walls. That would be pretty much all she'd need to do, if charities knew she could be relied upon to beam away at a balloon launch and not go online showing them up she could get in on that big networking opportunity and probably grift her way onto a board or two of smaller organisations. Instead we get the preposterous ball of chaos that seems to mistake having done something for being talented at it.
 
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