Jack Monroe #365 I suggest you delete your Tweet

SmillieKylie said:

Big day for Jack, latest Inflation figures just announced, eeeek it’s risen to 10.1% ! Martin Lewis still on hols, Jack will be wanted by the media to provide us with answers, and the Squigs will be clamouring to see the VBI I expect, although some are already using it accordingly. Probably the Beta version, hopefully the rest of us will get a glimpse of it later today

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What complete nonsense. Sounds like SB has been left in charge of a sock account!

Eurgh said:

I think that ‘POINTY THINGS! OUCHY DON’T TOUCH!’ blackboard is the worse thing she’s ever done.

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You’re forgetting the recipe instructions for LJC.

Jeezy kableezy, I could have moved to the fucking moon by now with less fuss!

Hehe had to delete that bit as it was a bit too 🔺️.

Jack’s idea of minimalism:

Canal’s idea of minimalism:


ETA- sorry about her cupboard doors. LJC they are enough to send me down south to shut them for her.

Actual footage of Jacks friend opening their donated freezer and finding the gifted fish has become sentient

Eurgh said:

I think that ‘POINTY THINGS! OUCHY DON’T TOUCH!’ blackboard is the worse thing she’s ever done.

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Agree. I’m not minimalist, and from these threads I’m learning more about hoarding, trying to be more understanding of it, and importantly, trying to be more empathetic towards those who hoard. I have to be honest and say i feel really like I need to take a bath every time I see a photo of her house. There’s just too much stuff in there to be clean.

Just a wee reminder that Jack's had 2 skips (that we know about) in her drive over the past couple of years. Which were presumably filled with her shite before being taken away. 2 skips worth of crap and she's still drowning in ~stuff~. Makes me sick tbh. It's just wanton consumerism followed by environmentally unhealthy 'purges'. Oh and I doubt she gave away her BBQ, egg chair and whatever else she said - they'll be in storage somewhere.

Mini grunk this morning and a few thoughts

6 months seems to be how long she says she has on the lease, so I think that's why she is fixated on that date.

I think she's probably being very naive about the rental market - it's changed drastically since she was last looking and I get the impression she thinks she'll be able to move straight from the shitty bungalow into somewhere new. In reality she'll really struggle with her credit history, 2 pets and a lot of landlords won't let a house with 1 bedroom to an adult with an older child (if she keeps up the fiction that SB is living with her)

I also wonder whether the 6 month thing is performative (what isn't with Jack) as a sort of count down to her lovely life being OVER and her being forced to return to poverty. A tip jar rattling in the background.

Or she's playing the long game - she won't be able to find anywhere and the landlady is going to try to TRAP HER in another two year deal, rather than letting her shift to a rolling contract.

I think all the stuff about "making things fit" is more about making sure people know just how SMALL her new place is likely to be. Rather than having a specific place in mind.

Agree with others that her admitting to having so much stuff when on the bones of her arse won't be a good look.

I wish she wouldn't use it the term hoarding so flippantly.

Sorry for the random capitals, was challenging my inner Jack.

I've just spent two minutes poking my phone's touchscreen with

• keys
• lid of a tube of lipstick
• case for a glass nail file
• lid and base of a bottle of hand sanitiser (plastic base, metal lid)
• work security pass (plastic case and cloth lanyard)
• corner of my leather purse

You know, the sort of detritus that you cart around with you and it is likely that an unlocked phone would come into contact with in your bag. Nothing. Zip, zilch, nada. I certainly didn't manage to open twitter, find a random account, find a random tweet of theirs, open that tweet, open the GIF menu, select a random GIF that I've never used before, add it to my reply, and hit send.

Iqbal's been telling us all this time

I suspect she's using the word hoarding as another deflection tool. It's a recognised MH condition, so people will be wary of criticising it, just like all the other things she uses.

Mr Krabs said:

lol at Jack ‘I’m only getting a sad little caravan holiday🥹’. Was this before or after Venice?

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I'm a bit sad that she's not been off on more uncultured city breaks. She can obviously afford them, but without the excuse of an other half she'll carry on with her "I've only had one holiday in ten years in a caravan, and the trolls attack me saying I didn't even deserve that".

The per Rialto, taking extensive notes in Italian because obviously after a mini break she's learning a new language, posing on the streets for photos, moaning that her hotel was only 3-star and near a canal...in Venice. Comedy gold.

Didn't she say Venice had a profound affect on her cooking as she realised that you only need a few ingredients? Of course that all goes to shit when her thing is buying the lowest quality stuff. Id assume she thinks anyone buying DOP ingredients is an idiot wasting their money .

If I was better I'd Photoshop the Venice uncouth police rocking up to her lying on the streets and balance a gelato on her

Yel said:

The per Rialto, taking extensive notes in Italian because obviously after a mini break she's learning a new language, posing on the streets for photos, moaning that her hotel was only 3-star and near a canal...in Venice.

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Speaking of Per Rialto, I'm glad she's learned something from us, at any rate.

Into_the_tunnel said:

Jack’s idea of minimalism:
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Canal’s idea of minimalism:

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ETA- sorry about her cupboard doors. LJC they are enough to send me down south to shut them for her.

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The snake baskets!!!

Just imagine Jack browsing the John Lewis website or wherever she buys her frumpy homewares… ‘yes, that’s nice… I think I’ll take 10’.

I bet they’re full of shit bags ( Iqbal).

Interesting her downsizing and clearing is just her stuff. My teenager has fucktons of stuff. I need to do a charity shop run and 90% of it is clothes that has has outgrown or decided are ‘disgusting’.

Remember when she said she was writing all her Venice recipe notes in Italian lol

I think she’s got something lined up. She must know how sketchy the market is, she’d be howling and clawing more otherwise rather than this performative decluttering zen she’s got going on. I’d not be surprised one bit if it’s another house that has a spare room downstairs that’s a bedroom so she can pretend it’s a flat when it’s not.
In other news I’m definitely grunking too much because a Smol pixie invaded my dreams last night. I stole her handbag was a lovely little purple designer number that she’d left nailed to a wall for some reason. Then she me and I had to delete all my socials and tattle

Veronicaaa said:

Speaking of Per Rialto, I'm glad she's learned something from us, at any rate.

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I was round someone's house at the weekend who had a per Rialto sign on the wall, I found it quite amusing. I tried to explain the joke, but I don't think they got it. I had to stop before I started talking about Georgia church suppers and velveeta

Orphan_Black said:

Allegra did not live in a shithole!

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I’ve seen the kitchen. It’s a shithole. Might be big, expensive and full of posh tat but still a shithole.

GoLando said:

I’ve seen the kitchen. It’s a shithole. Might be big, expensive and full of posh tat but still a shithole.

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And Jack's been trying to replicate it all this time.