Jack Monroe #356 I can put 30p in the mortgage, Harold!

[NellieBoo]

I did it

Spoiler: Rinsed hoops

I just want to assure everyone that minimum food was wasted (especially @TheDragonWithAFlagon) my sister ate all of it and I have some quotes from her too.
Let’s embark.
View attachment 1480238
I used a little tin because they’re what I tend to buy, I also didn’t have any ‘dried cheese’ in as it’s not 1990. I used a tiny amount of Red Leicester instead.
View attachment 1480245
So firstly, as many suspected, it was very hard to rinse off the sauce. You can see below how orange the pasta still was.
I had to get my hands in which felt like a violation if I’m honest.
The sauce was also very gloopy and hard to get down the plug hole.
View attachment 1480249
View attachment 1480251
Now the microwave (pronounced how Mom would), I thought the amount of time stated was WAY too long and it probably was. It was hissing and popping away like mad in there, as if it were trying to beg for me to put it out it’s misery.
View attachment 1480256
View attachment 1480257
It came out steaming and hotter than Satan’s bollocks.
View attachment 1480259
I added a tiny bit of butter and my poor cheese, along with loads of pepper.
View attachment 1480262
Finished product smelt terrible, but was actually much more intact than I expected!
The length of ‘cooking’ time kind of dried the pasta a bit? But it was definitely overheated and started to cool and got mushy very rapidly, the sauce definitely plays a role in keeping them warm.
Like I said I told my sister I’d buy her a brewskie if she ate it and she did without much trouble.

IN CONCLUSION:

It wasn’t awful, but was a waste of time. It just tasted like the sauce but was dryer, so if you have spaggy hoops and don’t like the sauce it’s pointless and you’re tit out of luck I’m afraid.
The pepper taste did cover up the tomato a bit, but you may as well just add pepper to the sauce I usually put salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce in and herbs if I’m feeling FANCY, so there you go stupid poors I bet you never thought of that! *rattle tip jar*
Physically, I honestly think it was more effort than cooking dry pasta, yes it’s quicker, but still involves draining, pouring and stirring so what’s the bleeping point?
ALSO I don’t know this but suspect a colander wouldn’t work, I think the hoops would slip through.

As my sister said “it’s… something”, it’s edible but pointless.
It also felt and looked depressing when I summoned her upstairs she said that she was ‘looking around for some kind of dish, only to spot a little orange bowl of sadness’.

TA RA tatty bye!

Lovely clean nails and a sparkling microwave . You've almost, but not quite, made it look ok with those two things .

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Every time I read the words "rinse your hoops" I am minded of the fact that "hoop" is slang (poss Irish?) for hole. As in "Stick it up your hoop".

Why do you think she’s got the squatty potty? It’s so she can rinse her hoops while she’s lifting her toilet dumbbell. #Jack’sHacks

 

[NellieBoo]

Every time I read the words "rinse your hoops" I am minded of the fact that "hoop" is slang (poss Irish?) for hole. As in "Stick it up your hoop".

Babe, same. I've been cackling for days.

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Why do you think she’s got the squatty potty? So she can rinse her hoops while she’s lifting her toilet dumbbell.

View attachment 1480290

duck me, she even manages to make going to the loo an Olympic sport. Move aside, uneven bars.

 

[Geetbo]

I did it

Spoiler: Rinsed hoops

I just want to assure everyone that minimum food was wasted (especially @TheDragonWithAFlagon) my sister ate all of it and I have some quotes from her too.
Let’s embark.
View attachment 1480238
I used a little tin because they’re what I tend to buy, I also didn’t have any ‘dried cheese’ in as it’s not 1990. I used a tiny amount of Red Leicester instead.
View attachment 1480245
So firstly, as many suspected, it was very hard to rinse off the sauce. You can see below how orange the pasta still was.
I had to get my hands in which felt like a violation if I’m honest.
The sauce was also very gloopy and hard to get down the plug hole.
View attachment 1480249
View attachment 1480251
Now the microwave (pronounced how Mom would), I thought the amount of time stated was WAY too long and it probably was. It was hissing and popping away like mad in there, as if it were trying to beg for me to put it out it’s misery.
View attachment 1480256
View attachment 1480257
It came out steaming and hotter than Satan’s bollocks.
View attachment 1480259
I added a tiny bit of butter and my poor cheese, along with loads of pepper.
View attachment 1480262
Finished product smelt terrible, but was actually much more intact than I expected!
The length of ‘cooking’ time kind of dried the pasta a bit? But it was definitely overheated and started to cool and got mushy very rapidly, the sauce definitely plays a role in keeping them warm.
Like I said I told my sister I’d buy her a brewskie if she ate it and she did without much trouble.

IN CONCLUSION:

It wasn’t awful, but was a waste of time. It just tasted like the sauce but was dryer, so if you have spaggy hoops and don’t like the sauce it’s pointless and you’re tit out of luck I’m afraid.
The pepper taste did cover up the tomato a bit, but you may as well just add pepper to the sauce I usually put salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce in and herbs if I’m feeling FANCY, so there you go stupid poors I bet you never thought of that! *rattle tip jar*
Physically, I honestly think it was more effort than cooking dry pasta, yes it’s quicker, but still involves draining, pouring and stirring so what’s the bleeping point?
ALSO I don’t know this but suspect a colander wouldn’t work, I think the hoops would slip through.

As my sister said “it’s… something”, it’s edible but pointless.
It also felt and looked depressing when I summoned her upstairs she said that she was ‘looking around for some kind of dish, only to spot a little orange bowl of sadness’.

TA RA tatty bye!

I love frau cookalongs.

Also very disappointed to have missed the foods that taste like spunk chat.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

The blue tick support is only really coming out now as well, they were nowhere to be seen when she was frantically socking away. Talk about waiting to see which way the wind blows...

I hope they don’t think she’ll return the favour if they need it because Jack only looks out for herself.

It’s disheartening Ninnies, very disheartening.

 

[jenny2603]

Any sign of the new recipe yet? I'm kind of hoping she tries to go all Heston Blumenthal but using value range tins to prove what an accomplished chef she is. Even one of the horror biscuits would be pretty funny.

 

[Jelly Bean]

This Patreon thing has been asked about so much on Twitter, hasn’t it? She has never even started sending the promised goods out, all be it over two years late. It clearly shows her arrogance and her self entitlement and how she perceives that money. In her own mind she believes that she actually deserves that money, she earns every penny of it!

Well a couple of times in this last debacle she has referred to that Patreon money as 'being paid' to her. Like a wage. Not donated or given, but paid

 

[Lazarus]

An Arnold palmer is gorgeously refreshing, but it needs American style ice tea and lemonade, not tetley and r-whites.

The irony about Jack saying it was the cheaper option was that she bottled it in Fentimans bottles with the labels ripped off 🫣

 

[Valiofthedolls]

It is indeed. But I think an Arnold Palmer is a mix of iced tea and lemonade. And I'm not sure if that means proper iced tea, of the type of my imaginary Deep South of the US life fantasies. Or just wanging cold tea and fizzy pop together.

Here’s the website for Garden & Gun Magazine where you can indulge your Deep South of the US life fantasies to your heart’s content. (And with a lot less butter and cream than Southern Living ). Don’t be put off by the name, it’s a great magazine on all manner of topics, if a little “rarefied” at times

Food & Drink

Classic and new Southern recipes and cocktails.

gardenandgun.com

 

[Sideboard Bob]

This will be the next title if it helps.

 

[NellieBoo]

Any sign of the new recipe yet? I'm kind of hoping she tries to go all Heston Blumenthal but using value range tins to prove what an accomplished chef she is. Even one of the horror biscuits would be pretty funny.

Horror biscuits . Don't start her off ruining Thursdays again.

 

[jenny2603]

That's how you get rid of a troublesome squig.

 

[LittleRucksackOfHorrors]

Long time lurker but first time poster. I have been out for a Lovely Day and the thread has moved on 50 pages! It looks like Jack's had a busy day. Have I got any hope of catching up or shall I just wait for the recap at the start of the next thread?

 

[ClarenceBeakes]

Oh, the irony indeed.

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What has her genuinely grating constant use of the word 'literally' got to do with autism?!

 

[Orphan_Black]

This will be the next title if it helps.

View attachment 1480308

This is so perfect.

 

[NellieBoo]

Here’s the website for Garden & Gun Magazine where you can indulge your Deep South of the US life fantasies to your heart’s content. (And with a lot less butter and cream than Southern Living ). Don’t be put off by the name, it’s a great magazine on all manner of topics, if a little “rarefied” at times

Food & Drink

Classic and new Southern recipes and cocktails.

gardenandgun.com

OMG . Obviously as a softy southern uk menopausal woman I'd keel over and die in the humidity. But thankyou .

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I think you'll find he's mine, Tender One. But magic me up a young Om Puri and you can have Gene.

Wait til I tell you I’ve met Matthew McConaughey several times and that he is as handsome, lovely and down to earth as he seems (if a tad eccentric) and that I also have a porch with a swing. You might not be so keen to share Gene

 

[RaeRae]

Is TD Molly?!

I've had this thought too

 

[NellieBoo]

Wait til I tell you I’ve met Matthew McConaughey several times and that he is as handsome, lovely and down to earth as he seems (if a tad eccentric) and that I also have a porch with a swing. You might not be so keen to share Gene

Just tell me Matthew had his forearms out and smelled nice, maybe with a light coating of fresh sweat? That's all I ask. And if you meet him again tell him I love him .