Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

[Rekyavikgirl]

For anyone (Jack) who needs to hear it:

It is okay to be wrong and to admit it. The sky will not fall in on you.

 

[Hollaaa]

This is not the kind of Twitter content you expect from the work accounts of food industry professionals, is it?

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Carole is an absolute madlad. Did she also ok the stunt hair? I think we've unmasked Mr T Roll.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Quick Google suggests that AA meetings last 1-1.5 hours. So 10 - 15 hours per week on top of her 100 hour work week.

And she's caring for a puppy, has a child and other pets.

OK then.

ETA: this leaves 7.5 -8 hours per day (including weekends) for sleeping, eating, personal hygiene, shopping, cooking, cleaning, spending time with her family and animals, watching umbrella academy, tweeting, reading Marxist manifestos, listening to sea shanties, stitching denim shirts and knitting shreddies blankets.

Chapeau, Monroe.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Mr Krabs]

I think I can confidently state, that if I ate this, I could shit through the eye of a needle at 30 paces.

Oh to have the kind of leisurely lifestyle where you can get up late, drink a laxative smoothie and have a nice relaxed shit before heading to the hammock to argue with strangers on Twitter for 12 hours straight.

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 1436591
Intelligence testing is a fake standard which only measures the ability to do a test, but don't let that stop you big J

This is so ridiculous. The OP is mocking people boasting about their IQ, and Jack responds by .... boasting about her IQ.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

At least she's now declared Thursdays to be 'cookie day' which going from experience, usually means she'll never do it again

 

[StatusWoe]

Sorry this is OT, but I didn't have time to post before the previous thread was locked.

To @DisgruntledGoat who loves stories of petty grudges - have you heard about the Spite House in Boston? It's actually gorgeous inside & out and I would totally live there, but the term 'spite house' never fails to crack me up.

''The legend is that two brothers shared land but one built on more than his share, so the other built a skinny house to block access and views.''

Pssst, no one tell Jack about this! She'd probably try to build one next to Borbora's house. Crowdfunded Spite House is 100% Jack's niche.

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

Pal vs bud, who will win?

 

[jenny2603]

Carole has spoken.

View attachment 1432252

For those who don't know. Carole is not only a publisher but a therapist.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Not another tooth drama surely nottttt. Her teeth storylines fascinate me endlessly. I refer back to her saying not so long ago that her teeth were absolutely fine, just a little overcrowded and therefore somehow agony sometimes (huh? Make it make sense).
SO, she wants people to believe that her teeth cause her frequent, excruciating pain and often break - crumbling to "sand" because of years of poverty/alcoholism. She also wants people to believe that her teeth are perfect and there's nothing that her wonderful dentist who is amazing, comforting and cups her face just shy of kissing her softly on the cheeks can do for her. Meanwhile she's been facetuning herself a set of Turkey teeth in every selfie for years.

What's the truth?!

I think her story changes to fit whatever a squig has said in response eg
Scenario 1
Jack 'I've got terrible toothache and a tooth has crumbled - send cash doggos'
Squig - 'Sounds like your teeth are rotten through poor hygiene. See a dentist'.
Jack 'How dare you pal. My teeth are Greek and therefore extremely strong. Obviously I was joking when I said crumbled. Can't I have a joke on this hellscape without some whitewing gammon wishing I would stop breathing'.
Scenario 2
Jack 'I've got terrible toothache and a tooth has crumbled - send cash doggos'
Squig 'Oh Jack I'm crying After all you have done for people this is so unfair. Those bloody Tories. Please can I send a little something from my meagre pension to help you at this terrible time'.
Jack 'Yes Tories. Years of wailing and gnashing my teeth for you in the face of grinding poverty has reduced them to painful pegs. I would love to be able to afford dental work but alas due to working 100 hours a week unpaid I cannot. If you insist I can only bashfully awkwardly Britishly point to my PayPal link'.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

If she makes reference to her mad head one more time I'm going to post her one of those cans of peanuts with snakes inside. I can't think straight long enough to explain why this is offensive so I'm just going to call her a ~cunt~ and be done with it.

 

[jenny2603]

Asda don't sell 'overproof whiskey', Jack.

Someone at her AA group will have mentioned overproof spirits and Jack has to be the most alcoholic person who ever raised a glass because she is a grasping child who even grudges other people their misery.

 

[NellieBoo]

What an image





If you build the spite house, I'll build a spite house next door with shark jaws that protrude into your spite house's space. Or a spite skyscraper topped with spite shark jaws. This is not a feud I want to start.

Ha! This reminds me of a neighbour feud we had. After much awful behaviour on their part. Illegal extension, trespass, filling our bin, telling us where we could park on the public highway . Cos we were 'council' and they were entitled. It ended when they said their girls were frightened by our skip outside . A Spite Skip, apparently. The skip we filled and had arranged collection for and kept them informed about. It ended that day, finally, with me telling them not to be so bloody wet, to fuck off and never speak to me again .

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[colouredlines]

I just remembered my favourite story about Jack giving away a copy of one of her slop manuals.

 

[Polly Morphus]

Oh my god she's so dim. Jack, if you had ever actually voted you would know that this is not how politics works, you don't vote for a Youth MP at the same time as a regular MP.

A Tom Harwood vs. Jack boss battle twitter spat would be a hoot. Both as thick as mince and utterly convinced that they're right. Both having to get the last word in no matter what. Finger crossed Frauen und Herren - this could be the big one.

 

[kachoochoo]

anyway, if this had happened, why would you seriously allow your phone number to appear publicly again?

also, ICO, loool

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Her teeth sound absolutely fucking foul the shit she’s constantly writing about them

View attachment 1433083

So you agree, you were selling your kids toys and spending the money on whiskey instead of food or shoes that fit him?