Jack Monroe #34 Medicine won't lift her gloom. Lady doc says Facetune!

[PoorPatrol]

Why do her friends constantly bestow her with ridiculously expensive gifts?? Chanel lipsticks, Penhaligons perfume, Tracey Emin original, Smeg fridge (the old one), goodness knows what else. She’s either a piss taking friend, or it’s just a cover for how much she spends on herself... hard to know as she’s a bleeping lying liar about EVERYTHINGGGGG

 

[Raker]

Thank you so much my favourite sleuth. She only got to hold the little chap (Joe) an hour ago but he is now snuggled on her, they both look a bit stunned.

yes, this is lovely and all, but I’m a little disappointed @SoulRebel that you didn’t persuade use of “Cabal” as part of the little one’s name...

Any of the other pregnant Fraus prepared to give it a go? @heretoreaditall2019, what about “Cabala” —Cabala Eagle Edwards has a lovely ring to it...

 

[Lanie]

Yes absolutely

No offence if she does I think she might need some new ones. I would never let my friend go on like this pandemic or none.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

That’s right! Good memory!
(I was an extra in one of The Avengers films - no special close ups of me nestled in his arms UNFORTUNATELY.) He seemed a thoroughly nice chap.

What was hilarious though was that his body double (also in Captain America costume) got absolutely piled on at lunch as he’d eat with all the extras / crew. And he loved it

My (ex) boyfriend worked with a guy that ended up going out on the piss with him. Said he was hilarious and pure cheeky

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

I wonder if she ever posts all her Twitter updates on her personal Facebook account? I could only imagine the replies she would get, and she couldn’t be rude to her actual friends and people she knows...

 

[Alansbigplate]

Phew I'm all caught up now. Didn't find mind bleach but these wipes appeared in the ads. I think Jack could use some too to clean up all the bull excrement she comes out with.

your notifications I couldn’t cope I have to clear mine down

 

[choccydigestive]

Why do her friends constantly bestow her with ridiculously expensive gifts?? Chanel lipsticks, Penhaligons perfume, Tracey Emin original, Smeg fridge (the old one), goodness knows what else. She’s either a piss taking friend, or it’s just a cover for how much she spends on herself... hard to know as she’s a bleeping lying liar about EVERYTHINGGGGG

Yesssss. This suggest to me that she’s friends with a lot of people from a higher social bracket, wealth wise. And when you’re the friend who can’t keep up it can be easy to fall into being desperate to keep up with them.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Can I tell my only Groucho story?

I went on a date there with a poor little rich man whose only job ever was as a travel writer for the Times. He told me that, because of this, his life was 'a nightmare of solitude'.

I laughed and laughed and laughed and told him about the time my mum took a second job cleaning in a hotel so they could afford to buy us Christmas presents.

He really was a spectacular bleep and I wish I could remember his name because I used to enjoy hate reading his articles and Twitter.

omg I know we're baby twins already, but have a similar story with a travel writer for the economist who was NUTS too! What if it was the same man?! I cannot bleeping remember his name for the life of me because I'd changed it to a nickname so I could print screen the messages & share them on Twitter (it was an ongoing series that had fabulous engagement).

 

[Pocahontas]

your notifications I couldn’t cope I have to clear mine down

I thought the same! I was like tit man - 288 notes!!
My husband’s like that with his emails and I can’t handle the big red number at all.

 

[emm]

She is being a terrible wanker isn't she? I thought she couldn't get much worse for self indulgent gaslighting but I was wrong. 'I've lost so much weight. I'm not eating. My mother comments how thin I am. WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP COMMENTING ON MY WEIGHT?'. Argh argh.
To be fair the lovely Nigella's reply reads like the stock reply she has in drafts for Jack so she doesn't have to plough through the appalling drivel - 'oh dear how sad you are brave there there'.
Her poem on the last thread is brilliantly hilarious - whoever said she was Adrian Mole is spot on. Her's reminded me of his 'Mrs Thatcher'.
'Do you weep Mrs Thatcher do you weep?
Do you weep Mrs Thatcher in your sleep?
Do you weep like a willow
On your Marks and Spencers pillow
Do you weep Mrs Thatcher do you weep?'

Also if I was her I would get my cat's nose looked at. She said he had a fight with a crow but the injury is lingering I think. He has a very pink exposed little nose and we have had long periods of sustained sun. I would get it checked for something more worrying before I embarked on getting another pet.

Don’t worry about the other cat, after the initial wave of attention that ideas seems to have disappeared. I wonder if now lockdown has semi been lifted if she will be cutting her brothers hair?

 

[Alansbigplate]

omg I know we're baby twins already, but have a similar story with a travel writer for the economist who was NUTS too! What if it was the same man?! I cannot bleeping remember his name for the life of me because I'd changed it to a nickname so I could print screen the messages & share them on Twitter (it was an ongoing series that had fabulous engagement).

you should have printed them out or saved them in a massive google document

 

[Raker]

but it looks like she’s had lip fillers to me and doesn’t want to admit to it.

But she hasn’t actually been off her phone long enough to have an appointment anywhere...

 

[Breakdance Badass]

Oh god don’t she’ll be back to prosecute you!

Call the cops!!!!!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I'm most certainly a woman. Last time I checked "understanding the importance of lipstick" was not something I was born with. I also haven't magically acquired it by virtue of having tits and a fanny.

she has such a naff antiquated view of womanhood/femininity, I can't explain it and I certainly don't want to attribute it to age as I know there are plenty of hugely intelligent & progressive women 100 years old+ so please don't take it as ageism: but it reminds me of when you speak to older middle class women, like the stuff they think about being a woman & appearance? The generation of women who actually listened to the special k adverts and ate 3 bowls of cereal for years on end so feel the need to impose those oppressive views onto you now? No thanks hun keep it for urself xo

 

[lilamay]

'so there'!

God she really is like a petulant 13-year-old

 

[Silver Linings]

STOP TAUNTING ME WITH THAT GIF! YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOES TO MY OVARIES!

I like watching it over and over as his sunnies just pop off. I’m childish.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

yes, this is lovely and all, but I’m a little disappointed @SoulRebel that you didn’t persuade use of “Cabal” as part of the little one’s name...

Any of the other pregnant Fraus prepared to give it a go? @heretoreaditall2019, what about “Cabala” —Cabala Eagle Edwards has a lovely ring to it...

God sorry I'm posting far too much as I Grunk, Cabala is far too fancy I'm not Jack Monroe my love! x

 

[Jelly Bean]

View attachment 166172
I’d rather have friends that stepped in when I was clearly struggling rather than giving me lipsticks/Tracey Emin artwork.

Mm I would put money on this 'friend' being Sali Hughes. This is her philosophy and they have previously bonded over horrible mean nasty Tattle.

Jack Monroe #35 'Let them eat mayo cake (I'm not bloody touching it)'.

 

[kirkvanhouten]

For all you fans, ITS DIGNITY JACK

Edit just to say, yes i 100% have waited until thread 38 to use that, that is called CONTROL

 

[PoorPatrol]

she has such a naff antiquated view of womanhood/femininity, I can't explain it and I certainly don't want to attribute it to age as I know there are plenty of hugely intelligent & progressive women 100 years old+ so please don't take it as ageism: but it reminds me of when you speak to older middle class women, like the stuff they think about being a woman & appearance? The generation of women who actually listened to the special k adverts and ate 3 bowls of cereal for years on end so feel the need to impose those oppressive views onto you now? No thanks hun keep it for urself xo

Like Joan and Jericha, sort of spoof old ladies