I think she's in the back garden on the crazy paving.I'm sure she is sat on the boggatry
I love Laurel & Hardy so this hurts a little bitMarmalade Atkins I hope you don't mind me borrowing your picturebut I KNEW she reminded me of someone!
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I. CAN'T. BREATHE."Hello, HMRC? I, Jack Monroe here. Yes, about my accounts - they linger like a septic wound, atrociously oozing with florid prose. You don't cook up your batch tax when you're suicidal. The memories of the brown envelopes piling up like vast swathes of autumn leaves, that have been kicked over Content's Turds are enough to leave me quivering, shaking and rocking all over (the world) behind the door, whilst the postman lifts the letterbox and sniffs the air like a Charlie addicted Bisto kid.
"Cor" he said "I ain't never smelled anyfink so loverlee in my life". "Thankyou" I stammered from my frinkling crouched position on the floor. "It's my new recipe (coming soon) from my new (coming soon) poverty book 'Jack Monroe's Thrifty Book Of Hair Burning Tips' "Put me dahhhhn for 25 copies, for Christmas pressies for all my friends and family" he said. Stutteringly, I faltered "Ping me your email deets and I'll get over to the post office sometime in 2028 to send them".
Anyway, yes, my accounts. When I wrote my first cookbook on my Nokia phone I never imagined I'd have to unscrew all my lightbulbs to do it first. The image of the cold, hard furious fridge as I unplugged it will stay with me forever... That's why I have three of them now, so I can recreate the trauma anytime I walk into my hall to take a facetuned selfie of myPringle induced lip plumpersgorgeous, yet careworn povvo face for clicks and dopamine. Yes, so the accounts...
The dog ate them. God forbid I should have nice things. You just all want me to stop breathing don't you? Well I haven't yet and I won't rest until I own my own Orangery damn you Marjory....
Hello...Hello...?"
Mack Jonroe, the Pixie Detective series.
1. Case of the missing charity money
2. The mystery of the missing arch lever files
Canal, feel free to pitch your ideas for the much-anticipated collection
That sounds like Tintin actually. That would would be an accurate name for Jack. She even has the wee (for now) dog.The villain would obviously have to only ever be a Tory or Jamie Oliver. With the protagonist being a smol lil pixie (and dog)
FTFYAnd shecooksputs food on those worktops …. JFC.
Good, more firelighters for my BBQ.While I completely take your point to be fair if she did write a series of crime novels they would actually be trash…
Mack Jonroe in The Big SleepMack Jonroe, the Pixie Detective series.
1. Case of the missing charity money
2. The mystery of the missing arch lever files
Canal, feel free to pitch your ideas for the much-anticipated collection
It's a giant serpent at this point based on the magnitude of shite Jack spews.‘Like trying to ride an eel’
Send defibrillatoro’s
She has lots of tripod type things and Bluetooth type things for taking piccies on her phoneIf that's her leg how on earth is she filming that? Are selfie sticks still a thing? I'm sure she is sat on the boggatry
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