Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

[holliebollie]

When I’m down to my last £19, I always buy a Chinese for two #jackshacks. Even if I were down to my last £50, I wouldn’t be getting a midweek takeaway.

Jack, day one: I have £19 in my bank. I live on maize snacks.
Squigs: Poor you, you do so much for so many. Let me transfer some funds.
Jack, day two: a house I was planning to buy has fallen through. I’m bereft. Actually, I’m okay. Another will come.
Lone critical squig: I thought you only had £19?
Jack: I MEANT RENT!!! I’M ALLOWED TO TYPE THE WRONG THING EVEN THOUGH I’M GIFTED WITH WORDS AND USE THEM WITH LASER ACCURACY! JESUS chuffing CHRIST!

My aneurysm is on its way.

 

[BlendedSlop]

What's it called when someone tells a lie, gets caught out and then attacks the person who called out the lie?

Jacklighting

 

[MeeShellMahBell]

When I’m down to my last £19, I always buy a Chinese for two #jackshacks. Even if I were down to my last £50, I wouldn’t be getting a midweek takeaway.

I haven't had a delivery of food since before the first lockdown. I think it was for a Christmas treat in 2019 tbh.
It's not a £20+ I'm willing to spend on one meal. Actually being broke as duck is different to Jack's broke as duck... And I don't have Patreons handing me cash every month.

 

[RevEd]

Mind in a muddle?
Find lists in a puddle.

 

[Toffee finger]

I just had a mooch and this is the first one I could find that likely had seaviews from kitchen/3rd bedroom. Bit frickin spenny for a poor pixie!! https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/123378794#/?channel=RES_BUY

Edit, removed as realised how that was!

She’s so gaslighty with this £44/£34/£19 in her bank account thing. Ridiculous.

 

[panda_eyes]

The teeth, the teeth; when mine were bad I could barely eat anything, even the thought of it made me wince in pain. I could eat very slowly on the opposite side to the abscess and I was knocking back extra strength ibuprofen like nothing on earth. How can it be forgotten so quickly?

Because she does not have real toothache, it's another lie. I sympathize with you, I have had terrible tooth pain that resulted in having teeth out, it truly is the worst because it's always there.

Jack's toothache is not real.

 

[Walkdengirl]

I think this is the first time she's provided receipts

Is SB wearing those awful trousers she wore in Venice?

 

[panda_eyes]

REMOVED

I do like the painting in the living room

Spoiler: Painting

Looks familiar...

 

[Walkdengirl]

Edit, removed as realised how that was!

She’s so gaslighty with this £44/£34/£19 in her bank account thing. Ridiculous.

That house is lovely, you can see it's been loved and well cared for

 

[Hackastory]

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Are addicts (ex addicts?) not advised to avoid pain. I mean I guess medical needs override issues of addiction...but i thought cross addiction was a big problem. She also talks about her addictive personality so I am surprised that medication is not an issue

 

[katycat]

No one else has ever had a sprained ankle have they?

I've done both of the buggers, badly enough to need crutches for a few days. On neither occasion would I have been sitting with them casually crossed like that. 1 point for rest [does she ever do anything else?] and elevation I suppose, but why on earth isn't there an ice pack or bag of frozen peas on there?

 

[trueblue222]

Oh right she put in an offer for a house and now she's saying she didn't get a viewing for a rental because if she wants her patreons to keep funding her


Jack. I can't emphasise this enough. duck off!!!!!

duck off a bit more and keep bleeping the duck off!

 

[Shimmering]

The teeth, the teeth; when mine were bad I could barely eat anything, even the thought of it made me wince in pain. I could eat very slowly on the opposite side to the abscess and I was knocking back extra strength ibuprofen like nothing on earth. How can it be forgotten so quickly?

Not to mention the fact she'd apparently chewed her mouth to bits due to the pain, and claimed she'd have two weeks of painful sores in her mouth.

But literally can't lie.

 

[Mel Donte]

Bet you 19 quid Tattle is the first thing she looks at when she wakes up every morning.

LIBEL! We all know that Jack wakes up in the afternoon.

 

[Hackastory]

I think this one - lift, security, ~quirky~ interior that would appeal to smol pixies.

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If she's not a cash buyer she's going to be in for a shock with interest rates increasing. She'll need quite the deposit to ring it under her rent (£1500 p/m?)

I am distracted by how difficult it would be to clean around the bath. The position is awful i would hate to be climbing over for cleaning

 

[freya]

Sorry grunking from way back when (love you all fraus, you are making a tit time much funnier) but Jack, sell your sideboards and go and RENT or buy who cares a small 2 bed flat in Southend so you can have SB and still do your chaosing. I’m sure Big Dave will be guarantor.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

This is madness, actual insanity. She’s back tracking because she’s worried about losing Patreon subscribers.

Tbh should have known there’s no way she could have saved a deposit out the £4-6k pcm for nothing off Patreon because she’s an actual idiot.

I dunno, I still think she's doing all this deliberately, it's entertainment to her, to wind up anonymous ninnies in a far dark corner of the internet. I think it's hilarious, her sitting at home reading Tattle and trying to 'own' us. I bet she read all the mithering that Harold had LEFT and so now we're getting the full on I'm so loved' tweets. What a prat, honestly .

She does seem a bit high and spend-happy atm though, wonder what crappy delights we'll see being brought into the hoards of the bungalow over the next few weeks

 

[Candytuft]

I am distracted by how difficult it would be to clean around the bath. The position is awful i would hate to be climbing over for cleaning

It’s got a garage for a rabbit, though

 

[FunnyFuneral]

Thinking again about Jack's funeral song, inappropriate as it is as so eloquently described by dear MancBee, what comes across to me is she wants people howling and clawing at the floor as they leave. In my experience, people who have chosen their music seem to want people to leave upbeat and remembering them with a laugh and a smile so with, Another One Bites The Dust, Dancing Queen, Disco Inferno, Soul Limbo, Spirit In The Sky, Match of the Day, Countdown, Ring Of Fire, I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles, Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye, Country Roads Take Me Home, Jump Around, My Way (Sid Vicious & Old Blue Eyes), and so on. Typical self centred, self important Jack, I'm DEAD, MOURN ME ! I'm sure they will, but at that point people just want a pint and a cheap, wet ham sandwich on softy cheap bread and sone rinsed beans (menu for the wake chosen by Jack)

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

Only time I get a middle view is at midnight when I can’t sleep and I’m playing the PS4 like a teenager.

Are addicts (ex addicts?) not advised to avoid pain. I mean I guess medical needs override issues of addiction...but i thought cross addiction was a big problem. She also talks about her addictive personality so I am surprised that medication is not an issue

In general, yes. If ibuprofen and paracetamol don’t touch the sides, my brother is fucked. The only time in 7 years that he’s had anything other than basic meds is when he had surgery and even then that was very much forced upon him/very carefully monitored and he refused to take what they’d prescribed home once he was charged.