Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[GoLando]

OH MY bleeping GOD THE HAT SITUATION IS BRILLIANT.

We need to make this the slowest thread ever (Jack, when you catch up, can you please shut up just for today) but it’ll be full of comments like mine

Jack likes to pretend she has a 'common' speaking voice. She really doesn't She's described it as coarse and Estuary before now, when it's neither. Hideous nasal tone aside, you can tell from her intonation and pronunciation that she's not got a WC Essex accent and is pretending to speak like a MC person - she is a middle class person.

You can definitely tell in the videos that pop up (there's a particularly grim poetry reading, which I SHAN'T link to because eeeew) when she's trying to act like a Poor, that she's faking the accent.

Probably been told her voice doesn’t suit tv or radio and she’s decided it’s due to her accent rather than the general tone and quality.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

One of the best stories she tells us how she pretends that's she really this tough talking, .shin kicking, stick to the Boris type person, she reminds me of men who have small man syndrome. They would start a fight with their shadow only too feel hard, when in reality they piss their pants when someone actually says " let's go for it"

Even when she was apparently telling Edwina off she was a second away from balling her eyes out, where as Edwina was stoic and handing her arse back to her every few mins.

She is bascially a chihuahua, tiny,. Annoying as duck and overly aggressive till properly challenged then the shaking and crying starts.

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

Vienetta !!! ??? Wow. Can’t wait to see Cack get one out of their many freezers later.

 

[Boyo]

Vienetta !!! ??? Wow. Can’t wait to see Cack get one out of their many freezers later.

I now have a hankering for a Vienetta and it’s only 8:30am.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

The Vienettas are making me so happy but I'm going to sound like a maniac if I try to explain it IRL. Brava, and grazie, whoever came up with and then executed this!

I’ve just attempted that.

Everyone, do not attempt to explain vienettas on profile pics to anyone in your household. I got a big sigh, a big side eye and an “is this about that f****** person you are obsessed with again?”



ETA- I love the vienettas. We all know, we may be 242 threads behind Hinch, but we are .

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

Noooooooo how could you even suggest such a thing. You could however substitute rotten gooey coriander. Herbs are interchangeable but they must be in a state that will risk your health.

I hope Jack keeps quiet and allows the Fraus and ninnies to amuse themselves in only the way we can.

My OH is cutting the grass today. Should I use that in the green stuff of doom?

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I hope Jack keeps quiet and allows the Fraus and ninnies to amuse themselves in only the way we can.

My OH is cutting the grass today. Should I use that in the green stuff of doom?

Absolutely, yes.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Oh my Christ. The vienetta hats. Grunting this morning and I thought everyone had made their own but no, behold! The Tattle Gods have smiled on us

@Yel @Pocahontas we SHAN’T ever forget this. Tattle has my heart forever Have a lovely day!

#blessed #thankyou 🥹

 

[Terrible]

Justa one Viennetta
Geev it to me
Bung in a blender
And make Curyyyyy

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

We'll get it in about a years time.

Once Eustice has been replaced in the next reshuffle, no doubt.

 

[Yel]

Did you not all get a classic Italian frozen dessert on your doorstep this morning to celebrate?

You get a Viennetta! And you get a Viennetta! And you get a Viennetta!

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Wonder if the OH will take her away this weekend too, if you can pet.hide her chargers. You would be doing everyone a great service.

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

One of the best stories she tells us how she pretends that's she really this tough talking, .shin kicking, stick to the Boris type person, she reminds me of men who have small man syndrome. They would start a fight with their shadow only too feel hard, when in reality they piss their pants when someone actually says " let's go for it"

Even when she was apparently telling Edwina off she was a second away from balling her eyes out, where as Edwina was stoic and handing her arse back to her every few mins.

She is bascially a chihuahua, tiny,. Annoying as duck and overly aggressive till properly challenged then the shaking and crying starts.

bleeping HOWLING at that accuracy of this

 

[GoLando]

I’ve just attempted that.

Everyone, do not attempt to explain vienettas on profile pics to anyone in your household. I got a big sigh, a big side eye and an “is this about that f****** person you are obsessed with again?”



ETA- I love the vienettas. We all know, we may be 242 threads behind Hinch, but we are .

If I make a noise whilst on my phone I get “ok, what’s bloody Jack Monroe done now…”

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

I hope Jack keeps quiet and allows the Fraus and ninnies to amuse themselves in only the way we can.

My OH is cutting the grass today. Should I use that in the green stuff of doom?

Why wouldn’t you? You wasteful, Uber rich bastard.

 

[MancBee]

Google say it is both the day of roast leg of lamb and naked gardening day.

Happy 300th thread to all you marvelous ninnies. I'm so happy to have found you all.

It just so happens we are having roast leg of lamb today! Thank goodness I live in a flat and don't have a garden. Talk about frightening the wildlife, they'd be traumatised to see my "melting candle" of a body.

Off to Tesco as soon as it opens to buy a Vienetta...the power of advertising.

LOVE Y'ALL. TOOT TOOT.

 

[Raver_Bear]

I’m always excited by a HAT but a VIENETTA HAT.. well! TOOT TOOT is all I can say

300 threads later and we are still here *checking notes* keeping track of jacks lies, witnessing her grifting and cringing at her overall general behaviour. Here is to 300 more

 

[usefullyuseless]

I've never had Viennetta IRL and I can't see the Viennetta hats either

 

[BashmentLady]

How would Jack cack up a Viennetta? I would assume nutribullet, greengage jam and bunged into oblivion into one of many freezers.

Edit to add I hope this depressipe ends up in """Good""" Food for Bad Days

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

I am so here for vienetta on top of my mash mountain. A concoction only Jack could think of! I doff my vienetta (non-pigskin non-baker boy) cap to you all lovely canal of ninnies and hausfraus for making this the funniest and kindest corner of the dark web