Jack Monroe #297 I'm not a natural tax payer.

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Second screenshot - fancy.

ETA one more - Venice for the weekend then.

I'm not saying I knew it, but -

I fucking KNEW it.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

She would be laughed out of any bank or mortgage company. For self-employed mortgages (speaking from experience) are not just handed out even to (cough) exceptional individuals like Jack Monroe. You need certified accounts going back three years, squeaky clean credit history with a v. high rating, bank statements for business and personal accounts, for starters. Her envy of people who worked their arses off to buy a house is disgusting. That, and her pretence that she's in the same boat as many of the struggling renters means she's a cunt

Big selfish merail but;
That really gets on my tits. My husband and I worked our arses off on low wages for years and we rented. There was no bank of mum and dad either. In fact a lot of the trauma Jack cosplays, I really experienced. My husband and both come from low income families and like so many families we had children to pay for too. We were desperate to buy a house in order to give the kids security because I lived in real shitty flats and a tenement as a child and as adults we experienced two LL selling up so we had to move. In order to buy we spent over a decade saving for a deposit, we worked on our credit ratings and made many sacrifices like no holidays, no designer clothes or high end goods, no alcohol. We did everything by the book and jumped through all the hoops the bank provided. And Jack glides in and thinks she can crowdfunded a home. She is a fucking cunt alright.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Thread title by @People-huv-tae-know kindly nominated by @Griftymcgriftface - nice one lads.

Hopefully I've done this right!

Quick recap: We had our own Pumble chaos (again) and no one will ever think of wimbledon without singing of the pumble (who is now sentient and lurking on the Threads)

Jack had a mini-break but we hardly noticed due to all the jackophants keeping us going recommending her terrible nutrient and calorie deficient slop to innocent foodbank users.

Please add more, because as a fellow writer like our Jackie, I AM EXHAUSTED BY NOT WRITING.

here is the last thread https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-296-over-cooked-under-cooked-pumbling-free.29549/liked

 

[moldwarp]

*Browsing the archive*
I was a smorgasbord of amused and furious
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There's so much self-indulgent, solipsistic bullshit dripping from this short extract that I'd be here all day if I attempted to parse it all. But just to pick out a few belters:

1. Is she trying to imply she's a victim of domestic, or other, abuse?
2. She regularly wears make-up. Indeed, she was in a Facebook make up group for some time.
3. No one thinks that wearing a duffel coat is the widely accepted external indicator of a dastardly criminal mind. No, not even in Southend.
4. How were the security guards in Wilkinsons or the supermarket meant to know she's a single mother?
5. Maybe the security guards are just ordinary working class men trying to do their jobs well, as opposed to evil gauleiters of Jack Oppression?
6. Jack, you are not the centre of everyone else's existence.

The Fake Victimhood is on another level.

 

[JombleWomble]

Can't wait for TD to compare notes, considering her pinned Tweet

TD's Venice travel advice popped up on my timeline within days of me getting back from there. I was disappointed at the timing because TD is someone I would definitely listen to re: restaurant recommendations!

ETA- I absolutely love Venice and Murano and will not allow this to taint them! Although I did frequently think about how inaccessible a lot of Venice is to people who use wheelchairs. I wonder if Jack, who often has a wheelchair emoji in her twitter bio ) will acknowledge this in any way? You know, given she's such a dedicated advocate for every social cause.

The way that Jack describes her spending habits is bizarre. She liked her new pair of jeans so she immediately went back and bought another pair. She liked the McPlant so she had 3 more within the same day. It doesn't seem healthy and it certainly doesn't seem like the way you should behave while your rent is apparently bouncing?! I've bought the same item of clothing in a different colour before but I've ummed and aahed first about whether it was a bit wasteful. I certainly wouldn't have done it if I couldn't pay my priority bills.

Jack, pasta is meant to go in your mouth. Perhaps the solidity of it confused you?

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Yep, that’s her (only IRL) pal with the dog isn’t it. Ha, rumbled. No wonder Linda snubbed her for the Diva gongs. One oppression point lost, Jackie.

This is hilarious. I couldn't care less who she dated but I love when people fuck up a stupidly kept secret. So she is shagging a bloke big deal! It's not like she's never done it before or was SB found in a puddle?

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

My favourite Jack has to be “candid”, caught napping between two chairs, double denim, I called Boris a liar on the telly Jack.

Closely followed by Toaster Jack, at which I never don’t owl champagne myself hoarse.

 

[Geetbo]

Why Arse Grow?
Gelato.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Jack would never have coped with the decidedly unflorid NCTJ style of training.

"A red shiny, unctuous tractor was stolen from a bucolic South Essex barn yesterday. The rosy-cheeked farmer howled and clawed his bales of straw as he described its irreplaceable loss"

 

[Jelly Bean]

Is Jack now a literal expert on Italy, having spent a long weekend in the tourist capital? “Kids are warmly welcomed all over Italy in my experience”. Has she ever mentioned being in Italy before? All over Italy ffs Its a well known fact that kids are welcome anywhere in Italy, kids are gods in Italy, she might as well have said, everyone eats pasta all the time in Italy. God she’s stupid!

Ah no doubt an aged Italian relative can be dragged out from somewhere. Memories of scampering barefoot at the foothills of Mount Vesuvius whilst applecheeked Uncle Luca kneaded the pizza dough in his rustic hovel. Simple times. They were poor, but happy.

 

[PoorPatrol]

she’s in Venice…

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Still fuck all for SB, again. My kids loved Venice

I’m sure this short break won’t interrupt her 900 year run of never having a holiday!

 

[Orphan_Black]

Unless family pressure has forced you to ask an unpleasant teenager to be your bridesmaid and said teenager asks to wear a tux, I can see that being a disinvitation situation

We've seen pics of her as a teen though, she looked like Malibu Barbie!

 

[Mr Krabs]

The more Jack slags off Jamie the more I like him. Actually I saw this video he made maybe around 18 months ago when he was talking about poverty and food and I’ll tell you something. The research he did was far more impressive than anything I’ve seen Jack Monroe churn out. Plus he spoke like he really cared.

I remember a show where he went to the homes of people in food poverty and taught them how to cook simple recipes. Could literally not imagine her stepping into a council tower block to make her peach and boredom curry without a look of sheer horror.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

SB is “inexplicably football mad”? But Jack is a huge Liverpool fan, so why is her son’s love of football inexplicable?

 

[traumatised sideboard]

That sounds euphemistic, like when parents tell a child their beloved dog has gone to a lovely farm. Don't worry darling, the book's being looked after and it's having a great time with all its friends <sounds of books being pulped in the background>

 

[Veronicaaa]

Can't get over the cognitive dissonance of Jack creating that starvation menu 'meal planner' (and promising to make it downloadable for The Poors) to then gorging on gelato while on a mini break in Venice. Presume anyone who has the temerity to vocalise that will be accused of saying poor people don't deserve nice things but COME ON.

 

[HotesTilaire]

He took her to Per Rialto - thread title nominate

 

[moldwarp]

Notice she’s 5”3 again there

She’s retconning herself again in this New Statesman article. She’s claiming that she was wearing a buzzcut in her early teens and binding by 17 (so clearly seeking to establish a long term commitment to a trans male identity) but by 19 she was wearing a mini dress and spike heels for her job in a nightclub. Now, I’m not saying that trans men or non binary people never play with gender presentation or change their gender identity: they’re free to do as they please of course. But there’s two apparent narratives sitting uneasily side by side: one in which Jack has always studiously avoided presenting as female and one in which she has been perfectly comfortable presenting as female. As ever with Jack, she reaches for a different life story depending on the context and what she wants to get out of the situation. It never seems to bother her that these contradictions are easy to spot for anyone paying even a modicum of attention.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

How the fuck do you shoot a book?

 

[Mr Krabs]

Ummmmm, hold on a minute…

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*Points to IPSO’s editors code of practice which they teach you on day one of journalism training*

“i) The press must not seek to obtain or publish material acquired by using hidden cameras or clandestine listening devices; or by intercepting private or mobile telephone calls, messages or emails; or by the unauthorised removal of documents or photographs; or by accessing digitally-held information without consent.”

In other words, Jack yet again cosplays as a profession, shows she doesn’t know shit about it.