Jack Monroe #297 I'm not a natural tax payer.

[traumatised sideboard]

She has never looked more middle-aged than she does clutching a vape and wearing combat jeans with her £34 worth of tattoos on display. I feel like I've aged just by looking at her. Maybe security guards will stop targeting me now.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Jack Monroe is a lying liar who lies.
I have never seen her use a trigger warning - she weaponises her made-up experiences and throws her labels at everyone at every opportunity. She’s an absolute monster.

Why not fucking delete it and start again if you’ve noticed “half way through”? Or realise maybe you shouldn’t be writing it at all? UGH.

 

[MancBee]

I have never known someone flit from one serious relationship to the next one with such speed, and so often. There is one common denominator, Jack. It also highlights three glaringly things, in addition to the obvious, she can't keep a partner...

1 Jack can not see herself other than as part of a couple. Being single is the worst possible thing for Jack. Anyone will do, so long as Jack isn't alone.

2 Jack clearly doesn't truly love any of her partners, otherwise she wouldn't just move on to the next one with such unseemly haste and such glee.

3 Jack doesn't care about the effect she is having on her son by having a turnstile on her bedroom door.

 

[usefullyuseless]

Absolutely DO NOT let knowing nothing about a subject or having any experience of it, stop you from writing about it.

You literal Love Actually expert,you

Thankyou Writing about films I've never seen is literally my life's work. It's nice to finally get the recognition I deserve after so many years. I am now going to aggressively rest. Have a lovely evening x

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

Why you cry
Ex is in Rye
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Ahhh beautiful pic capturing 2 people's shadows. I declare this the best photo ever.
Jack, show us your OH in shadow form please

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Saying it's one of her favourite places suggests she's been there before. Was that during the poverty or when she was living with her parents who often went without food so she and the troubled foster children could eat?

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

I’ve just remembered the worst Jack. The one who didn’t cook any roasties at Christmas and claimed no one minded!

 

[Veronicaaa]

Maybe bootstrapcook has flagged this issue already

 

[Dogmuck]

Is Jack now a literal expert on Italy, having spent a long weekend in the tourist capital? “Kids are warmly welcomed all over Italy in my experience”. Has she ever mentioned being in Italy before? All over Italy ffs Its a well known fact that kids are welcome anywhere in Italy, kids are gods in Italy, she might as well have said, everyone eats pasta all the time in Italy. God she’s stupid!

 

[Ostapbender]

I had to look up A Girl Called Jack on Amazon because I wasn’t sure if it was still in print. It is - so why has Book 2 vanished from existence?

Anyway, I then decided to scan through the one star reviews and they are a HOOT. View attachment 1234593View attachment 1234595

This is my favourite though:

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I wish the books had honest pull quotes like these on the cover.
A GIRL CALLED JACK
"The peach and chickpea curry was weird"
"Jack isn't a very good cook"
"You might be disappointed"

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Happy for her. I'm partial to a bit of D too.

 

[Mr Krabs]

fbpe twitter is once again calling for jack for pm

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I think she’d turn her nose up at the PM job. Boris lives in a FLAT of all things. Not even an executive one. And it’s not a forever home. She’d probably moan and whine about having to move again.

I was reading about THAT MAN the other day and it strikes me that his upbringing may have actually been less privileged than Jack. His parents owned pubs, which is hardly big money, and he only got two GCSEs (no half). As annoying as I find him, I admire that he put in the graft and worked on his skill. You don’t seem him pushing the same fucking recipe from 2012 over and over and moaning about how he used to work long shifts in the kitchen at the pub.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Started this post quite a while ago so no idea where it'll land ...

I just read that mumsnet thread. She hasn't changed at all. She decided to start the thread then had to take her 6 year old on 5 forms of public transport. Then took him to the cinema to see the BFG where she carries on replying to posts. Also the film started at 7... Not to go all mumsnet, but surely that's far too late for a 6 year old.

Lots of acting like she is being asked to provide the definitive answer to trans issues, some snarky replies to people saying they don't know who she is and she promises a definition of a woman but never fulfills. Oh and apparently she moved back to southend from London to get out of the bubble.

She goes to the lake district regularly for the anonymity (no holidays in years I thought?)

Lots of humble brags about being in the public eye too.

The origin of mamapapa!

Random selection of screenshots below, I'd post more but I realised they needed squiging (even mumsnetters from 6 years ago deserve privacy I guess ...) Green background is jack.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Ummmmm, hold on a minute…

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Jack pretending to not only be a journalist but also to be the type of journalist who actually goes out and interviews people is proper lol

 

[Mr Krabs]

She’s probably bringing up the gelato because it’s the only vaguely authentic thing she ate. I’m guessing ththe small, quaint Italian restaurant she visited.

Or did she just pack a bag full of celery and leeks again?

 

[Cheekymonk3y]

i love these old posts because it proves that there was never a point in jack’s ‘career’ where she wasn’t a huge cunt

also there was never a point where her recipes made any sense. Sauté onions in oil and lemon juice? Finely chopped spinach you say

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OK, so I thought I would see what the quantities for one portion physically looked like, and then after I went to the effort of weighing them all out, I thought sod it, I’ll cook it to see what a finished bowl looks like.

However, I did not have the exact ingredients, so dear reader because all ingredients are interchangeable, I used tagliatelle instead of spaghetti and shredded cavalo nero cabbage (fancy!) instead of spinach.

I cooked the shredded cabbage in with the pasta for the last 5 mins - there you go Jack - an energy saving tip for you….

I didn’t have any herbs, so left them out.

The end result tasted extremely bland - there is no salt or pepper mentioned in the recipe. Also, can I just add that 1 walnut half per person scattered over the top is ridiculous.

For reference, the pasta is from Aldi and they recommend using 100g of pasta per person.

The original recipe from her website is below and just to confirm the plate I used was a normal sized dinner plate and I have shown the weighed out raw ingredients and the final cooked dish, per person.

 

[Boyo]

Oh man the greatest Jack x Mumsnet is the trip to wetherspoons! (I assume it was ‘Spoons but it’s could be anywhere really) google “Jack Monroe mumsnet pub record” it’s another excellent exercise in Jack getting increasingly angry itisnt going her way frustrated, doubling down on the lies, being tired etc.
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Just skimmed through that mn thread and, oh my, it’s a perfect introduction to anyone wanting to see typical Jack behaviour. Makes some wild, random post without really thinking it through, normally of the ‘poor me, rattle, rattle’ type (in this case a stolen wallet, which even if bank cards are cancelled and no serious damage done, may result in some ‘oh, poor you, how can I help until you get things sorted’ kind of responses). People start questioning her motives, point out that she’s making unfounded accusations. She doubles down with additional, not-before-mentioned-and-slightly-unbelievable ‘facts’ to support her position (I often have my phone in my back pocket on record). People still question. She lashes out, starts the usual ‘I’ll be sure to run my life past you in future’, before shutting it down and storming off. Jack 101.

 

[jenny2603]

What a diverse crowd. Having paid lots of money to “slum” it in a field listening to those two bellends stick it to the man. Honestly makes my arse clench with embarrassment for this country.

Meanwhile, truly poor people were probably trying to do extra shifts that same weekend to make ends meet.

It's repulsive. All these smug middle class fucks in a tent patting each other on the back about how radical they are at a £280 a ticket festival. It's about as subversive as a corporate speed networking event.

 

[Boyo]

My name is Jack. I am not writing. I can’t write at the moment so I’m writing about not writing. I did try books but I’ve already read the shit out of all my Janet and John’s. So I write. I have a deadline, so that is making me stressed. So I can’t write. So I’m writing about NOTHING. The deadline is for a book I should have finished in 2019 and there are other deadlines for books before and after that date but I can’t write right now. So I’m writing about nothing. I wonder if someone did an analysis of all my work, that they’d find out that all my writing is about nothing. And always has been. But nobody’s spotted it. Yikes. I’d better start writing something about something soon, distract people from looking too closely and realising it all amounts to nothing. All of it.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

This is the kind of tourist behaviour that Venetians detest. They don't want you lounging all over their infrastructure, eating on steps, or laying about sunbathing. She's such a colonial oik. If you do your research, you'll find excellent advice about how to behave in Italian tourist destinations that aren't designed for tourists.