Jack Monroe #297 I'm not a natural tax payer.

[Ostapbender]

A weekend in the life of a budget cook
by Jack Monroe aged 34 1/4
Jack Monroe was a short budget cook (5"2.3) with short sometimes brown hair and tattoos. After a long time working 100 hours a week without a day off, Jack Monroe was really tired, so she was amazed when a handsome old man with silver hair rolled up in a Ferrarri! "Hello Jack, I have been a fan of your work for many years. Will you go out with me?" "Yes," declared Jack. "Let's go to Venice," he said. They got to Venice and had a nice time doing laps of the island over and over. Then they flew back home and touched down at the airport. "I'm tired," Jack exclaimed, but as soon as she set foot on the tarmac, ring! Her phone rang. "Hello, this is the news, we would like to do an interview on the television." "Yes please," screeched Jack. After walking and talking out of the airport like the president in the West Wing she went to bed on her gifted sheets from John Lewis. "This has been the best day ever," she said. A story by Jack Monroe
( it's GCSE creative writing practice season! Jack, want to have a go? x)

 

[Jelly Bean]

lonely planet jack continues

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also, fwiw, it is possible to do venice on a budget. when we went, we got an absolute steal on a hotel round the corner from san marco (and the hotel had a cat!) and we ate at tiny back street restaurants and we basically did four laps around the city every day

I wonder if Jack tried gelato on her mini break? Only she hasn't mentioned it.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Oh man the greatest Jack x Mumsnet is the trip to wetherspoons! (I assume it was ‘Spoons but it’s could be anywhere really) google “Jack Monroe mumsnet pub record” it’s another excellent exercise in Jack getting increasingly angry itisnt going her way frustrated, doubling down on the lies, being tired etc.

 

[moldwarp]

Started this post quite a while ago so no idea where it'll land ...

I just read that mumsnet thread. She hasn't changed at all. She decided to start the thread then had to take her 6 year old on 5 forms of public transport. Then took him to the cinema to see the BFG where she carries on replying to posts. Also the film started at 7... Not to go all mumsnet, but surely that's far too late for a 6 year old.

Lots of acting like she is being asked to provide the definitive answer to trans issues, some snarky replies to people saying they don't know who she is and she promises a definition of a woman but never fulfills. Oh and apparently she moved back to southend from London to get out of the bubble.

She goes to the lake district regularly for the anonymity (no holidays in years I thought?)

Lots of humble brags about being in the public eye too.

The origin of mamapapa!

Random selection of screenshots below, I'd post more but I realised they needed squiging (even mumsnetters from 6 years ago deserve privacy I guess ...) Green background is jack.
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I don’t wish to speak for Jack on the subject of gender as I know it’s personal to the individual. But certainly the trans men I know would be very offended by the description of them being in “drag”. Drag is a performance; whereas for them, presenting as men is the way they feel that they truly present their real selves. It’s a lot more than just a performance.

Anyway, conspiracy theory incoming! I’m not 100% convinced that that tweet about the chickpea curry is actually Jack. Doesn’t sound like her. Jack wouldn’t described herself has helping “in a small way”. I think someone else is minding her account while she’s “away”.

 

[kachoochoo]

think this is everything (?)

it's so boring I can barely keep count

also, jack, babe. venice isn't an island. it's several hundred islands

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Would the OH be the male friend who made that awful cheese toastie baguette pizza thing she was banging on about a few months ago?

That toastie had male energy.

 

[Veronicaaa]

"I won't rest until Jack is crowned king of England by divine right Anyone who objected to King Jack would go straight to the Tower "

Honestly, saw one the other day saying something along the lines of 'if you only had 100 spaces in your post apocalyptic bunker/spaceship this make Jack a must' and it's like - you'd take that cunt over literally anyone else? Well good luck to you, bon voyage! Dickheads. Psychopaths!

 

[moldwarp]

Is there really a glut of tinned peaches across all the foodbanks in the land? It's such a strange item to purchase to donate. I always donate everyday tins like beans and spaghetti hoops for example. Universally liked stuff. Who the fuck is donating all the peaches?!

(And I wonder how many of the DM prunes are still hanging about at where ever Jack dumped them!)

I also, don’t come for me foodies, but I actually think tinned peaches are nicer than fresh ones and I used to eat them with granola and squirty cream. It was a stoner’s peach crumble, basically. If I was Jack, I’d have parlayed that into a TODALLEE UNIQUE N MAVERICKK recipe with a name like “Dear Heart Pixie Hug with Sqeegee Kitty Cream” and have spent the last 20 years re blogging and mentioning it at every opportunity. Alas, I am not a genius level maverick campaigner and inventor, so I missed my chance to become a certified National Treasure.

 

[Geetbo]

Last reply was only 22 hours ago. But last new tweet, 27th April!
Last year I did write a function to calculate hours since last tweet. Assuming no-one at work has spotted it, it'll be ready to go. I think about June time we got over a week?

We could do with Jamie Oliver doing a pumble recipe, that would smoke her out.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

She tends to pick stuff that it’s very difficult to fully fact check and prove too even if it sounds completely implausible like unscrewing her lightbulbs and selling them - we only know most of her lies are lies because she’s tripped herself up and her own stories don’t match.

It’s what makes her slightly “cleverer” than the likes of Finch from the article who lied about having cancer and a dead brother which are both provable one way or the other. The one whopper that is the exception for Jack is the one about having invented sure start vouchers.

I feel like she invented Sure Start vouchers in the same way Mr Dogs invented cutting grids printed on the back of wrapping paper. For years every time he wrapped a present he’d grumble about how cutting the paper straight would be so much easier if there was a grid printed on the back, then one day he encountered paper with a cutting grid and immediately claimed they’d nicked his idea .

 

[SlopAmbsase]

It makes me imagine her striding toward them in Fireman Sam's trousers while wearing an ill fitting wonder bra.

With her wine bladder/piss bag hanging from her waist, offering some slop from the tent and a threat promise that ‘my veganism is like my lesbianism… there’s always an exception and it’s always worth it, boys.’ *

*actual Jack quote

Soz fraus, I know I’m going to hell for invoking SexJack.

 

[Emmapism]

I've still got a few pages to read so don't know where this will land but like FUCK is Jack a journalist. Especially if she's recording people without their consent!! It's one of the first things you learn in any kind of reporting. We would have had our arses handed to us if we had recorded people without their consent.

When I used to do it in TV (mainly for research) it's clarified at the offset that it is specifically for my information and not for inclusion in anything for broadcast.

Yet again giving it the big 'un about something she knows shite all about

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

We all know Venice is mega expensive yet she feeds her son eyelid sausages and 9p maize snacks. Surely the penny must drop at some point for people following her?

Clearly on a patreon payday high and forgotten she’s a POOR boasting about festival and talk season. Sounds like well paid work hun!

I like these threads cos there’s lots of parents of older kids and even fully grown adults and the way they describe time with them is just (even the sass lol). It must be such a joy to get to experience new places and fun food with a cool little one. It’s tragic Jack chooses to live so selfishly, to be pitied really.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

She's clearly never heard of YSL's 'Le Smoking'. Women have long worn trouser suits to formal events. She's an attention-seeking idiot.

Also, I LOL at the idea that ANYONE would mistake her for a cis-male because she's wearing 'masculine' clothes.

 

[StatusWoe]

The jury is a bit sceptical on whether it truly exists. I was worried because we kept naming different Jacks and she’d use that as the basis for self-diagnosing the extremely rare, complex and under researched condition, then she tried to pass off being a bit glaikit once as “in a fugue state”

I had to respond to this because my mother experienced a fugue state (or perhaps dissociative amnesia would be a better term for it?) before I was born. It only lasted a few weeks and she was in a psychiatric hospital when she 'woke up' with no memory of the events leading up to her hospital admission. (Should also mention that she was able to access good treatment and has been totally fine mental health wise during my lifetime - no need for anyone to worry!).

Since then, I've known only one person with a diagnosis of DID; she's lovely and intelligent, and has experienced a lot of barriers in her attempts to seek help for her condition. It's 100% not faked, however the symptoms aren't as extreme as having multiple separate personalities. With my friend, it's more memory issues + fragmented sense of self...I'm not doing a great job of explaining it, but maybe it's more helpful to think of it being on a spectrum of dissociative disorders.

Apologies if this tangent has taken the thread too far off topic, but this is the first I've heard of JM's ''fugue state'' and I think it's appalling that she'd use something so life-altering as an excuse or something to milk for drama. She truly manages to offend everyone with her invented diagnoses, disabilities, identities, etc.

 

[Ostapbender]

god oh no, on the topic of journo jack I just remembered when I followed her old twitter in the run up to the 2017 election. remembered a tweet about how she read all the newspapers every single day and went through them with a highlighter pen because "when I worked as a journalist we had to read All The Newspapers Every Morning, A Big Pile of Them, We Learned The Enemy's Arguments"
I have no proof this tweet exists now but it's so on brand! the Southend Echo otherwise known as the Truth Battalion
(eta: I do not believe Jack read all the newspapers every day, or that wading through stacks was daily practice at the Southend Echo, it's Jack having false memories of the 19th century again)

 

[Awful]

Me waiting for Jack to do A Chaos seeing as she's gone radio silent for four days now

Also did she get hair inspo from the mad fish Michael Fabricant?

 

[jenny2603]

This was when she was in Venice before.

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Originaly from @BlendedSlop here

Jack Monroe #192 Hoist with her own anchoïade

Jack has an awful eye for photography, that pancake shot is shit. Seriously, I feel bad for that squigg.

tattle.life

Imagine telling an Italian that a British person visited Venice and was so inspired by the food and surroundings they rinsed a tin of spaghetti hoops and tried to pass it off as Cacio e pepe.

 

[StatusWoe]

On the topic of JM 'inventing' recipes that have been around for decades, I find it interesting how she needs to take credit for literally everything, as though she's the first person in the world to try cooking on a budget. She even said as much during the Jamie Oliver rant. It takes a specific, self-obsessed mindset to conclude that you're the sole voice in budget cooking and anti-poverty campaigning, and that anyone else who does these things is stealing your patented ideas rather than contributing useful information to a collective pool of resources.

I also think it highlights how unnecessary most of her 'work' is. Her advice adds absolutely nothing. It might as well not exist. The world of budget cooking spans many cultures/cuisines; there are already actual chefs whose recipes are cheap and much more appetising than her sad slop; anti-poverty campaigners are doing meaningful work behind the scenes without spouting about how much they deserve accolades; foodbanks will continue without her intervention; there would still be voices (more informed, less annoying ones) holding the government to account. Jack has no visible talents (sorry if that's harsh) and hasn't made any effort to become skilled at anything - but in her mind she's truly indispensable.

 

[Veronicaaa]

1.10? It says it was 65p. Is this 344% inflation again?

Anyways, keep the yellow sticker items to the end and ask the checkout person to make sure they scan the sticker instead of the barcode. Just a thought.

It's like the squigs think Jack can sort out any minor inconvenience which happens to them, personally, at the supermarket.