We’ve all seen her “knife skills”
Jack Monroe #296 Over cooked, under cooked, pumbling free
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No silly. She has severe arthritis and can't chop or slice
Buddy Oliver leaves her for dustWe’ve all seen her “knife skills”
Meagre home?? UGH WHAT A WHELKSPLAT!!She never misses a trick.
Whelksplat is now on my predictive text *proudface*
Please, for the love of Pumble, no invite to Off Menu 
I would be bitterly disappointed in them, if they (or their producers) had her on without doing their due diligence. Doubtful she’d be asked, though. Everyone who comes on has such good banter, and they love food. Surely a researcher would listen to the nasal, repetitive retelling of the Poverty before asking her and give it a swerve? Imagine James shouting out “popadoms or bread?” and nasal Jack being like
“thanks a lot, James. Now I’m crying.”
I would be bitterly disappointed in them, if they (or their producers) had her on without doing their due diligence. Doubtful she’d be asked, though. Everyone who comes on has such good banter, and they love food. Surely a researcher would listen to the nasal, repetitive retelling of the Poverty before asking her and give it a swerve? Imagine James shouting out “popadoms or bread?” and nasal Jack being like
“thanks a lot, James. Now I’m crying.”Going back to the last thread (because I've just GRUNKED), but before I came into recovery, 'swollen lymph nodes' was one of my fave excuses to explain away the J1G / booze swelling on the sides of my face. Tooth / gum infections / pain was another. Also, for the weird droopy eyelid thing that J1G causes (never known why that happens, but like the fat content of mincemeat, IT JUST DOES), my favoured excuse was lack of sleep due to busyness. Just my own life experience Your Honour.
From a police and crime commissioner
Doesn’t matter how much she shouts about having no money, the paid partnerships and work keep rolling in. Ching ching
I’m starting to think this whole performance about downsizing next year is actually about her buying her first place. But maybe she is starting with something with two toilets instead of three
it’s a bit of a grim reference to suicide rates in Essex. I’m not normally overly triggered but I thought it was in poor taste. Not as bad as the type of things Jack writes though.
I know it's called off menu but with Jack's repertoire it's not menu adjacent
For Off Menu Jack would be totally caught out if all the faves were meals that she’d never be able to make or has ever promoted as a ‘recipe’. Despite all the greedy goblinning and the declarations that each meal is the best ever, it would simply show up that given half a choice she’d ignore all the slop and muck.
Really Tom? Really? Give your head a wobble or more importantly, do your due diligenceView attachment 1227607
From a police and crime commissioner
Doesn’t matter how much she shouts about having no money, the paid partnerships and work keep rolling in. Ching ching
I’m starting to think this whole performance about downsizing next year is actually about her buying her first place. But maybe she is starting with something with two toilets instead of three
Agreed, it would make sense. She's done pretty well financially out of lockdown and the cost of living crisis in terms of work and TV appearances and she's in her mid to late 30s, which is the average age these days for a UK person to be able to buy their first place if they don't have access to the Bank of Mum n Dad. And we know she potentially has access to Bank of Mum n Dad anyway, so...
TBH I'd be happy for her if that was the case, she clearly is a 'my home is my castle' kinda person and having her own place to truly do up and personalise will likely be really good for her mental health and emotional wellbeing. It would be good to see her acknowledging that home ownership is increasingly a privilege in the UK when really a safe and stable home is a human right. Will she have the humility to do that? Whaddya think Fraus?
Be lovely if someone told him she’s not paid her taxes and there’s issues with money not going to charities as promised. Unfortunately, looks like it all falls on deaf ears.
Why are they asking a weird mouse to do this job? Why is it impossible for the police in this country to learn anything? Surely any sort of stakeholder engagement should prioritise the BAME men who are disproportionately stopped and searched & make up disproportionate % of prison populations. Or anyone who can speak on the adultisation of young black children (eg child Q). What tf is fascist Jacqui gonna bring to the table? Why aren’t they inviting the families of the men dying/murdered in custody to talk on how the police impacts them and their community? Appalling, this is actually shocking. This country is the pits appealing to cringe centrists with this frump.View attachment 1227607
From a police and crime commissioner
Doesn’t matter how much she shouts about having no money, the paid partnerships and work keep rolling in. Ching ching
I’m starting to think this whole performance about downsizing next year is actually about her buying her first place. But maybe she is starting with something with two toilets instead of three
There's no sign of the chocolate meat cake on the Lorraine website yet, so I watched the fish finger lasagne video again instead.
For some inexplicable reason, I’m actually surprised she used one of her book recipes.
I know a frau was similarly horrified by the recipe preamble on page 3, but I’m going to take it further by reproducing a bigger chunk of text. It is without a doubt the worst recipe preamble I’ve ever read in my life, and I can still remember the anecdote about
anchoiade and the French man with a laugh in his throat, or something like that…
It reads like cod-Nigella as always, but also a primary school child who has been instructed to get as many examples of alliteration into their sentence as possible.
“Fat, fulsome pears swimming sodden in their own slippery, succulent syrup”.
I mean
Swimming sodden . She just fails to write enticingly despite what she thinks
. She just fails to write enticingly despite what she thinks
Slightly hurt and offended that the knowledge of this confirms my middle age but at the same time comforted by the knowledge that Jack will most definitely recognise it from her own childhood too. Oh, wait... #1978truther
Reading that bit from the recipe really did make me feel a bit sick“Fat, fulsome pears swimming sodden in their own slippery, succulent syrup”.
I mean
View attachment 1227623
It sounds like a recently surfaced bloated corpse.Swimming sodden
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