Jack Monroe #296 Over cooked, under cooked, pumbling free

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title courtesy of @MaineCoonMama nominated by @Sideboard Bob. As a reward you are spared from the annual sacrifice to Pumble.

In the last thread:

Jack's sentient pumble was unearthed and now we are concerned for the future of humanity.

Her weekly meal plan is both helpful and not helpful, provides all nutrients and doesn't meet her nutritional requirements. Ok then. With some granular maths I confirmed myself that it does not contain as many portions of fruit and vegetables as she claimed because she has confused counting items with counting portions.

She is now horribly ill with more lies, the lights are potentially going off. Also she made a hideous broccoli risloppo with bollock sausages on top. Is that a thing? I don't think that's a thing, is it?

 

[Elastoblast]

Still to pay her taxes. Still to reveal who the lucky recipients of the remaining Teemill funds are. Still to open the mystery parcel from her Twitter Stan. Still to acknowledge her Lorraine super slops slots and still to cook something edible

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Gosh she is chaosing like the old days these threads are going faster than she does she whenAsda have a smart price sale.

Also the sausage risotto thing is just

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I kind of like the idea of being thrown into a giant Pumble. It sounds metal AF which is kind of my aesthetic.
#pumblesofsouthendcommon

 

[Clapster1]

Still to pay her taxes. Still to reveal who the lucky recipients of the remaining Teemill funds are. Still to open the mystery parcel from her Twitter Stan. Still to acknowledge her Lorraine super slops slots and still to cook something edible

Is she also still to pay the BT bill that resulted in her being cut off!?!?

 

[Elastoblast]

Pumbleleo pumblelea
I serve pork in every meal
In every dish

 

[Ostapbender]

The Pumble. It's quite smashing and really quite delicious
I keep mine in-[slithering noise and screams as I get eaten by the Pumble]

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Is the word pumble starting to look really odd to everyone else too? Pumble. Pumble. Puuuuumbleeeee. I feel like it should be a game, like Wordle. Five guesses to reveal the hidden depressipe.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Why you mumble?
Being eaten alive by Pumble

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

 

[Sglodion]

I'm so invested in this mystery package subplot. I keep forgetting about it and then all of a sudden space squig pops up out of nowhere - why is he called that, by the way? - and brings it up again. I'm absolutely dying to know what it is but I'm afraid we'll never find out, as by this point I expect she's (quite sensibly) decided it's probably an IED and thrown it down a mineshaft on one of her days of gruelling physical labour.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

No offensive fraus and herren but I hope Jack does a chaos soon so I don’t have to read so many pumbles

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Why you sob?
This time, not Hobb.
OH wanted fumble,
Instead got pumble.

 

[Dulux]

Let's get ready to pumble
(Let's get ready to pumble)
Watch us neck the tripe
Watch us neck the tripe
Psyche!

 

[Amanda Lin]

She leads a lonely life
She leads a lonely life

*mumble mumble*
(Nobody knows these words)

Lying on the web and having fun
Mumble

big chorus:
All that she wants is another Pumble
Pumble gone tomorrow
All that she wants is another Pumble, yeah
She’s got to have it

 

[HotesTilaire]

I'm so invested in this mystery package subplot. I keep forgetting about it and then all of a sudden space squig pops up out of nowhere - why is he called that, by the way? - and brings it up again. I'm absolutely dying to know what it is but I'm afraid we'll never find out, as by this point I expect she's (quite sensibly) decided it's probably an IED and thrown it down a mineshaft on one of her days of gruelling physical labour.

He says he works to do with space and he has a space rocket by his name
Sadly, like Lestat squig, I think he’s a harmless, enthusiastic fellow who doesn’t communicate very well. I mean, he did say “it’s not an IED” which is pretty stupid but also probably true. I think he’s a bit of a blert. I think he’s given her something really good and he wants the unboxing film to share/show off, if it’s a signed Ian Rush shirt I’ll go mad and I’m not even a red.
On the other hand, if she ever fecking gets it, and it’s a giant red boxing glove on a spring that pops out and plants one on her boat race, I will personally marry the spaceman.

 

[Ostapbender]

spoiler: pumble
c/o @TraceyJacks

Spoiler: Pumble

 

[br2491]

Didn’t she say she threw her router in the bin, companies usually send a paid envelope/bag type thing for it to be returned. Or you can arrange courier collection.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

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