Jack Monroe #269 The secret ingredient is … SPITE

[Terrible]

The level of begging and poor fishing seems really huge at the moment. I did wonder if she’s in some serious shit - rent, taxes, whatever, but seems more likely it’s just greed, as she’s spending on boots and leather hats.
There must be money coming in from all the tv and articles lately, and there’s probably more in the pipeline. She might have had a book advance, though equally she might have spaffed it all already.

The house situation is odd. If she took out a lease with LJC she could be in over her head paying it alone … but Louisa LEFT well over a year ago now - Jack must have renewed the lease for a year on her own, and very recently too, if she’s tied in for nearly another year. Why would she do that and then immediately start bitching about it? And why would the landlady tie herself into a contract with someone who’d bounced their rent EIGHT times in the last year? Some or all of this story is complete bullshit.

 

[BlendedSlop]

As if it's been a year since this? Where does the time go? I bet the neighbours she allegedly gave the results to are still too scared to answer the door incase it's her again

I forgot she said she gave the inside out chicken pineapple abomination to her neighbours.

New theory: the "neighbour" was Evil Landlady across the road, and this act of unprovoked cruelty is what kicked off the current wave of resentment. The origin story of Evil Landlady, as it were.

________

SCENE
INT. "Evil Landlady's House" - Day

"Would you stop twitching those curtains, luv? What's the silly twat doing now?"

"She's taking a delivery of another fackin' sideboard, that's what. And ten minutes ago another John Lewis van was parked up outside! The fourth one this week!"

"Girl's gotta have furniture, luv. Cut her some slack, she had to sell her lightbulbs once, or so I've heard."

"She's taking me for a mug, Charlie. I've had no rent for eight bleedin' months, and all that time she's been rakin' it in. Gawd knows I've been patient, but this is taking the Michael. I've tried bein' understanding, I really have. I made her a cup of char when she was rummagin' in the communal skip for her 'appy pills, I even listened to her bangin' on about that For Sale sign she took an axe to. And this is how she repays me."

"Calm down luv, you'll give yerself an aneurysm. Come and sit down, your tea's getting cold. ...'Ang abaaht, what the hell is THAT!?"

"That, my love, is "upside down pineapple chicken" apparently. She dropped it round earlier with an apology for the late rent, saying she only 'ad 34 quid in her bank account."

"The fackin' nerve!"

"Don't you worry, the boys are comin' raaaand later. Nobody takes me for a mug, Charlie."

*She takes a long draw of her fag*

END

Apologies to any Cockney fraus reading.

 

[Silver Linings]

Title by @Veronicaaa Nominated by @DisgruntledGoat

Please remember no thread titles until the tail end of the thread (after 750 posts/page 35ish) and to add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination’. No swearing in them please.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies.

Good luck with your job interview, Jack.

 

[Froggies]

So one minute the dentist can’t do anything and the next, she can but it’s too expensive for our poor smol pixie?

Which one is it Jack?!

 

[FlirtyThirty]

View attachment 1127264

Of course you did Jack. Her brain must literally leak out her ears its so full of knowledge.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I'd ask her why she thought it was a good idea to tell everyone she found a pristine Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle. One of the greatest lies she's ever told.

Oh and of course I'd ask if she really bought a homeless man 3 large strawberry fraps after stomach surgery because that actually is the greatest lie she's ever told

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Ffs a driving instructor would just never say that to you Jack

They would sit you down, away from a lesson and have a chat about what they can do to get over your fear of roundabouts. The lying is fucking insane, can she tell the truth about anything?!!

 

[Silver Linings]

The bloody quote tweets kill me, such a pain to get.

 

[Formal Chicken]

As a Pharmacist Frau I can’t let this slip by without comment.

You can get codeine linctus (a low strength product) which can help with coughs. In tablet form they are used mainly as painkillers. Her “respiratory disease” would not be a reason to avoid codeine although it is not recommended in children as it can cause respiratory suppression.

I think the issue is due to previous abuse of medication, as already noted by others. The ibuprofen she is using should be used in caution in respiratory conditions, it can trigger asthmatics to have an attack in some cases. Screenshot by silver

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[LavaFlake]

I'd rather have good wishes but here's my paypal anyway Thankyou

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

One year ago today:

 

[Smeghead]

Hey @BeautifulTrauma I couldn’t sit back at 1 question, please don’t hate me, or banish me to Slopsville.
How much rent do you pay?
Has any of your family’s rental portfolio been promised to you?
How many days do you really have SB?
If you believe you are struggling (you’re not) why don’t you get a job?
Do you hate food?
How often do you leave the house?
Why don’t you fulfil your patreon promises?
Did you really fall under a train (you didn’t)?
Are you actually working on the VBI?

 

[Orphan_Black]

I find it really amusing that she reads here and then plays out her weird little bait games on Twitter. Some is bit gaslight-y imo. This is your life Jack. Have a look at yourself. Have a bloody word with yourself.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Are we getting hats tomorrow for Jack’s birthday. St Patrick’s day?

Jack Monroe Targets Jamie Oliver and Gets A BBC One Show – Lime Goss

also just noticed it is almost 2 years since THAT MAN….. and if only she had kept her gob shut none of us would even be here

 

[Silver Linings]

Toothache tweet deleted.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Her ballet pic is her worse and least self-aware iteration to date. Her posture is terrible. Her expression is unballetic. Yet she actually thinks this is aesthetically pleasing. Fuxake.

 

[Django]

Happy Nazanin hat day, ninnies, it's really a fabulous day to have cheery headgear.

PS - Dear Jack, it's a bit gauche to wish yourself happy birthday

 

[kachoochoo]

wow, she's experimenting with dry food for a birthday treat, is she? i hope there's like a gallon of maple syrup to help that lot down