Jack Monroe #269 The secret ingredient is … SPITE

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ETA: Deleted.

ETA: New tweet:
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Yeah, that's a shit joke both ways, Jack.

Have you paid The Trussell Trust their 10k yet?

 

[Lurkeryaar]

It's as if my Reddit feed knew what was going on in my Tattle life

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[MooBelle]

Just caught up.
The nine year old child who wanted a sandwich is almost certainly SBs sister. Jack mentions his younger siblings to wind up their mother.
Her manager put her forward for Strictly years ago and they turned her down. (This will never stop being funny to me)
I really hope she does get a telly gig, the bigger the better. It will be a disaster and only give her a bigger spotlight when it comes out about the £10k to Trussell Trust and that Jack Monroe hasn't paid tax for 2 years.

 

[Hollaaa]

It's £65.20 to get a tooth out.
Or three for the price of two hats. #JackMaths
Edit: if it's done as an emergency it's £23.80. And that is only if you pay for charges, many people will be exempt.
Stop encouraging people not to get healthcare treatment they need.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Most people at the moment are finding finances tight, with fuel bills rising (energy crisis Jack, remember that?) and prices of goods and services all round increasing. Then there's Jack Monroe, a full grown adult, posting a beg for birthday money on Twitter.
Some 'poverty campaigner' you are Jack, shame on you.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

with you on that, they can look rather 'unruly'
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Urgh that's just reminded me of when Jack referred to her nethers as her ham sandwich . While on camera for an interview .

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hi Jack, my question for you is, did this really happen? Really?

 

[jenny2603]

Yes I see what you’re saying, but if she was 5f 3” in Oct ‘19 and 5f 1” in March ‘20 then she’d be 4f 1” now, assuming that height loss continued at the same rate. By my calculation she’d be 1” tall in 2030

now that is BIG maths, my friend

I think my old Sindy House is still in my mums loft. I will be happy to gift it to Jack as her Forever Home when she shrinks to the right height. It's really nice- only one bedroom but it has a lift and a roof terrace accessed via a spiral staircase.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Sorry to go heavy this early in the morning, but Jack being peak Jack over the last couple of days regarding teeth and sandwiches and knowing everything about them awakened memories of philosophy boredom from years ago.

There is a branch called platonic epistemology where Plato suggested that all knowledge was innate and learning allowed that knowledge to be recalled. Kind of a simple explanation, but this so reminds me of our Jackie. She does know EVERYTHING. She was born knowing EVERYTHING and if a squig pokes her, that innate knowledge she stores so perfectly, comes to the surface in a form of a snarky, know-it-all tweet.

 

[Silver Linings]

She literally did three tweets in 40 seconds.

I’m scared.

 

[Lazarus]

Can’t even keep up with oor Jackie despite being on maternity leave so no idea what part of the chaos puddle this will land in, but the loss of inches (whole plus inexplicable decimal) is probably due to the lack of variety in diet, pretty sedentary lifestyle, and perhaps a new (or perhaps pre-existing, would have to check the list!) diagnosis of osteoporosis. Definitely not because they pick and choose every small detail of their life to suit, oh no

P.S. Hi Frauen und Herren. It’s been too long

Yes I see what you’re saying, but if she was 5f 3” in Oct ‘19 and 5f 1” in March ‘20 then she’d be 4f 1” now, assuming that height loss continued at the same rate. By my calculation she’d be 1” tall in 2030

now that is BIG maths, my friend

 

[PoorPatrol]

here we go - “a few months” she’s trying to say that picture is of a (few) three months prem baby? Kandi - the lies gif please, m’lud. Unless “a few” doesn’t mean three, in Jack parlance??

 

[kachoochoo]

just get em all pulled! the stuff she cooks, it's not like she's got much use for them!

 

[Nottonightbabe]

What exactly is J1g..?

 

[Clovis]

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Oh, here we go. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Didn't take long.

 

[MancBee]

Ode to Jack

Happy Birthday to you
Enjoy your pan of self-love stew
Lard not butter, rooms full of clutter
And your food looks like poo.

I love my hat, green is definitely my colour.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Only £215 from Russell and Bromley.
I'm still catching up, apologies if anyone else with FORENSIC shoe knowledge has already shared this.

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I’ve been waiting for the right moment to post my favourite gif, praise beans it has arrived!

This is also how I imagine Jack acts when SB sings happy birthday to her

 

[EddieBeds]

Omg I’m so glad you said this, was just sat here wondering am I trash for thinking get over it love! It’s not even as if you, the baby, is aware of the situation? Not disputing how traumatic it is for the parents obviously.

Not trash at all lovely. She’s co-opting her parents trauma for her grifty gain. Pretty disgusting alongside the (TW) suicide bread crumbing with the ‘often thought I wouldn’t make it here’.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Jeans had been invented in 1873 but it was illegal for birds to wear traaazers of any description. If they were caught they had to spend all day in the stocks where they would be pelted with eggs and fish. That was clearly a pivotal moment in her development.