Jack Monroe #261 Serial loser

[Cucumberthunder]

She must spend a fortune on data if she has no wifi. How thrifty.

 

[Smeghead]

What shall I do with all this fluff I've been saving?!?

Bake in the oven, then finish off in the frying pan until the sides are crisp, then fry up some black pudding, break into crumbs and sprinkle on. SB wolfed it down

 

['EllsBells]

I work in a real job in a grown up public sector organisation. One of my colleagues has just had a massive tattoo done.

Did we shun her and talk about her behind her back or did we gather round to admire it, and discuss the intricacies and fine detailing? However unlike most of Jack's tattoos it wasn't tit.

I have a couple of external meetings next week where I am presenting. How much time should I demand off for recovery?

Yes, definitely and make sure the refreshments are from Fortnum and Mason in a wicker hamper.

 

[Charitas]

Puppy brain made her forget to pay the bill, and she got cut off a while back, so she claimed. No telly either - just jigsaws and knitting.

(3G must be costing her Patreons a fortune).

There is usually a credit check with broadband providers which makes it difficult to change if you have a poor credit history which if you got cut off I imagine is worse

 

[Orphan_Black]

She must spend a fortune on data if she has no wifi. How thrifty.

But she only has a brick phone? Nokia 3210's can't even access the interwebs....

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I know she hasn’t paid her taxes, but in her line of work wouldn’t Wi-Fi be a deductible?

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

But she only has a brick phone? Nokia 3210's can't even access the interwebs....

To be fair her iPhone 13 is the size of a brick compared to my 6.

 

[TraceyJacks]

It really is incredible isn't it. Ukraine is on fire and Jack is merrily tweeting away about her Ensloppopaedia Shittanica.

BIB Thread Title!

 

[Shimmering]

Hahahaha! Chinny reckon!

These thrifty style books have worked in a middle income, twee kind of way. Tapping into the upcycling, sustainability vibe – replace a chandelier with some hanging plant pots, make a table from an old suitcase, a ladder into a book shelf, a book into a shelf, knit a jumper from your dog’s hair (seen ALL of these). But we’re talking about real widespread hardship now. If you can afford to buy Jack’s fluff book you probably don’t need it and certainly haven’t got the headspace for that nonsense.

I believe Jack's publisher is banking on Jack getting her idiotic followers to crowdfund buying squillions of copies "For the Poors".

See: Thousands of pounds spent by squiggles on £44 hoodie etc, with a lovely slogan which "Helps the Poors".

See also: RoadsideMum's 50 grand raised for a non-existent povvo porn tome which will also "Help the Poors".

There's clearly a huge market for this virtue signalling grifting "charity".

 

[SlopAmbsase]

Recapping for my own sanity…

So, in the time since she exhorted many more out of conned people for the fabled Valetudinarian Blabagogy Index she has bought some DMs, dyed her hair, and forgotten to upload some other made up tit. I hope the new Patreons are high on their ROI.

BTW, looking through Foyle’s Philavery for VBI inspo, I came across flap-dragon. I’m defining this as the bearer of unruly labia.

 

[Veronicaaa]

BTW, looking through Foyle’s Philavery for VBI inspo, I came across flap-dragon. I’m defining this as the bearer of unruly labia.

Unruly flap-dragon sounds a lot cuter than unruly labia

 

[Boyo]

I don’t mean to pry, but which ailments do you have nowadays seeing as it’s just your head in a jar? Omg thanks so much, I’d love a copy!! I emailed you my details 25 years ago when you said you would send me “150 grifty tips for heads on a budget part 22” but nothing ever came. You said you’d been having a lot of trouble with the Royal Air Mail in Southend Under Sea so I didn’t mention it again. Maybe my message got lost in the three trillion emails you have in your inbox now?

Hi again! Omg my ailments are incredible. I obviously have phantom limb arthritis, in all four missing limbs. The migraines are off the scale but please don’t send ‘cures’ because I’ve tried them ALL. I’m currently trialling a homemade concoction of tinned mandarin juice, dust and ground-up vegan crackling (recipe coming soon, I promise). I’m not sure if it actually cures the migraines but I’m so sick after drinking it that I don’t notice the pain so much. Sorry to be a pain but could you DM your details again? I’m sure I have them but, as you’ve said, they’re buried somewhere in the forty quintillion unread messages in my inbox. I never completed “150 grifty tips for heads on a budget part 22” as I forgot to upload the manuscript and didn’t have Wi-Fi or some tit but I promise to send you Part 478 when completed. Take care. X

 

[HotesTilaire]

It doesn’t affect her dearheart. She only tweets stuff that directly affects her. The world can and does burn around her and as long as smol pixie can carry on buying stuff using patreon £££ she will tweet as though absolutely nothing is going on.

I wish with all my heart she would go on an ill informed rant about Russia and tag Putin.

 

[kachoochoo]

Hi again! Omg my ailments are incredible. I obviously have phantom limb arthritis, in all four missing limbs. The migraines are off the scale but please don’t send ‘cures’ because I’ve tried them ALL. I’m currently trialling a homemade concoction of tinned mandarin juice, dust and ground-up vegan crackling (recipe coming soon, I promise). I’m not sure if it actually cures the migraines but I’m so sick after drinking it that I don’t notice the pain so much. Sorry to be a pain but could you DM your details again? I’m sure I have them but, as you’ve said, they’re buried somewhere in the forty quintillion unread messages in my inbox. I never completed “150 grifty tips for heads on a budget part 22” as I forgot to upload the manuscript and didn’t have Wi-Fi or some tit but I promise to send you Part 478 when completed. Take care. X

View attachment 1084897

this correspondence is absolutely making my day here! thanks lads

 

[ChactFecker]

Please leave a review of your recent Airbnb stay:

Absolute sithole, garage was unusable as it was filled with chairs and boxes of tat, every surface in the house covered in badly written post-it notes.
No knifes and forks in the kitchen, only an abundance of spoons and straws, we suspect the owner only eats liquid food.
No WiFi available, no televisions,

 

[HotesTilaire]

More canal art
More canal emails
Less actual Jack
T(space)Y

 

[KebabGirl]

I am baffled by the internet thing. It's another Schrodinger moment. There must have been internet to be on TV / radio, but not to email a manuscript, use cloud storage for backups or an email draft (safe place to leave a document that can be accessed from any internet facing machine).

This leads me to Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is usually best / right.

Here, that means to me the book is not in a state to be published. If it was, you'd take the laptop with you to show off the work. Then triumphantly connect to Wetherspoons* internet to send at the end of lunch. And that you do have internet when it suits your own needs just not others.

*Based on sales of other books, I assume this is the level of expenditure allowed on a business lunch.

My internet went off the other week. It was a torrid 30 minutes. Luckily I have a backup but it's only 4G so the cat had to stop watching YouTube videos

 

[Geetbo]

I am baffled by the internet thing. It's another Schrodinger moment. There must have been internet to be on TV / radio, but not to email a manuscript, use cloud storage for backups or an email draft (safe place to leave a document that can be accessed from any internet facing machine).

This leads me to Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is usually best / right.

Here, that means to me the book is not in a state to be published. If it was, you'd take the laptop with you to show off the work. Then triumphantly connect to Wetherspoons* internet to send at the end of lunch. And that you do have internet when it suits your own needs just not others.

*Based on sales of other books, I assume this is the level of expenditure allowed on a business lunch.

My internet went off the other week. It was a torrid 30 minutes. Luckily I have a backup but it's only 4G so the cat had to stop watching YouTube videos

My internet went off for 10 days last year.

I was clawing at the floor I can tell you.

 

[Awful]

This has me howling.

She literally just googled "Scottish author" and went for Ian Rankin.

So swiftly put back in her box.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Blue light of joy.

Orange light of doom.

Red light of despair.

Green light of hope.