Jack Monroe #261 Serial loser

[Captainmouse]

Women despise you too Jack. Because you're a liar and a fraud.

And she is NOT. Single mother!

 

[BubbleDuck]

Lads, this book writing lark is easy . Do you reckon I could Jacks publisher and pitch my completely original idea ?

Household mannual , completed it mate !

( sorry for all the daft pictures I keep posting, daft pictures are my coping mechanism for dealing with all the lies inconsistencies that Jack spouts )

 

[Captainmouse]

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🩲 as if

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Lads, this book writing lark is easy . Do you reckon I could Jacks publisher and pitch my completely original idea ?
View attachment 1084239View attachment 1084240
Household mannual , completed it mate !

( sorry for all the daft pictures I keep posting, daft pictures are my coping mechanism for dealing with all the lies inconsistencies that Jack spouts )

Thankfully there are no pictures of the bleach and vinegar war crime.

 

[Lazarus]

Dr Slow Cooker has apologised for implying Jack supported his UC challenge!

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I don’t doubt this person is well meaning but why is it that The Poors need a non-Poor to highlight how difficult it is to survive on UC? Why aren’t people listening to real Poors lived experiences, instead preferring to listen to Jack’s version which included an inexplicable £80-odd a month fuel bill at the same time as showering in cold water and having no lightbulbs OR a doctor who’s demonstrating, for a limited time, that UC doesn’t stretch very far.
It really bothers me, all of this.

 

[Smeghead]

Hi folks! It’s your favourite smol slop goblin here, coming to you via a time portal from the year 2579. As you can see, I’ve ended up as a talking-head-in-a-jar, so something of a positive turn of events really. The #VimesBootsIndex is nearly complete. I just need to add some additional items, like SP Jet-pak Polish and of course my now famous own-brand line of faves, like ‘Just beans (pre-rinsed)’, ‘Aunt Jackie’s Ready Grated Corned Beef’, and ‘Mandarin Mis-shapes’, all available in handy tins, I mean cans, no…tins. I keep forgetting that those words are interchangeable (like herbs). Unfortunately, due to a mix-up at my producers, none of the cans will have ring-pulls but don’t worry! Just think of all the injustice in this world, like my constant side-lining by the establishment just cos they can’t handle the truth from a tattoo-wielding, gob-in-a-jar, and you’ll soon be ripping those cans open with your bare hands! Right, gotta go. I’ve heard that Space-Waitrose Lidl has a new line in stair shampoo and it’s only one teleport stop away for me. Byeeee!

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Hi Jack, are you still renting? Did you ever put up the recipe for the pasta and broccoli breakfast? Was 200 tit tips for crap household management a best seller? Thankyou, Smeg

 

[purpleindigo]

Morning Marm, nice work there catching a bit of Rankin shade

He is a lovely human so sadly he humours even her desperation. Hate to see the decent ones dragged into her pantomime.

 

[JeanBurns76]

Why do people not see through this shameful self promotion and scrounging for money while doing absolutely duck all but tweet balls 24/7? She is actually laughing at the very people who are filling her bank account. It can’t carry on much longer, surely?

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I thought the Patreon being mentioned was odd. There some reason why, we just don’t know what it is yet.

I thought she added it on the end with her pass agg , because it's been pointed out by a number of brave squigs recently that she's doing rather well for herself via Patreon. You just know even if she's not acknowledged them, she's seen all the tweets, given how she seeks out all the criticism.

 

[Alansbigplate]

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I’ve read it on tattle a lot, perhaps she enjoys a bit of a Scottish tiktok or cleaning with mario grunk too so aye

 

[Hollaaa]

I thought the Patreon being mentioned was odd. There some reason why, we just don’t know what it is yet.

Pleeeease let it be upset patrons wondering where their tit is. Hope the Piggle uprising isn't far off.

 

[BubbleDuck]

Thankfully there are no pictures of the bleach and vinegar war crime.

saving that for an exclusive postcard for my patreons

 

[bowiethesdmn]

She's out disabled in her bio again , did we ever establish how she's meant to be disabled ? Is it the arthritis ?

It's more of a transient set of disabilities I think. Also is Southend somehow stuck in the 50s? I've mentioned before this is my hill to die on because I work NHS in a public facing role and not one single person has ever commented on my septum piercing, masculine aesthetic hair (even when it looked a bit Hitler Youth when I first did it), or tattoos. Elderly men greet me and the receptionist with 'good morning ladies' and the only person who's ever misgendered me was a colleague who immediately apologised. I don't mind being called sir, to be fair. Half the people I work with are also completely covered in tattoos, partially shaved heads for the women, and facial piercings too, IT IS NOT AN ISSUE ANY MORE. She sets back the rights of any demographic she tries to represent by about a hundred years.

eta: and she can duck off with the hair colours too, I pulled a 50yr old woman with electric blue hair a couple months back and she rocked it. Society changes, Jack. (open marriage for those fraus that have noted my occasional reference to my Beloved Wife. she finds my proclivities hilarious).

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Hi folks! It’s your favourite smol slop goblin here, coming to you via a time portal from the year 2579. As you can see, I’ve ended up as a talking-head-in-a-jar, so something of a positive turn of events really. The #VimesBootsIndex is nearly complete. I just need to add some additional items, like SP Jet-pak Polish and of course my now famous own-brand line of faves, like ‘Just beans (pre-rinsed)’, ‘Aunt Jackie’s Ready Grated Corned Beef’, and ‘Mandarin Mis-shapes’, all available in handy tins, I mean cans, no…tins. I keep forgetting that those words are interchangeable (like herbs). Unfortunately, due to a mix-up at my producers, none of the cans will have ring-pulls but don’t worry! Just think of all the injustice in this world, like my constant side-lining by the establishment just cos they can’t handle the truth from a tattoo-wielding, gob-in-a-jar, and you’ll soon be ripping those cans open with your bare hands! Right, gotta go. I’ve heard that Space-Waitrose Lidl has a new line in stair shampoo and it’s only one teleport stop away for me. Byeeee!

View attachment 1083998

 

[MaineCoonMama]

It's more of a transient set of disabilities I think. Also is Southend somehow stuck in the 50s? I've mentioned before this is my hill to die on because I work NHS in a public facing role and not one single person has ever commented on my septum piercing, masculine aesthetic hair (even when it looked a bit Hitler Youth when I first did it), or tattoos. Elderly men greet me and the receptionist with 'good morning ladies' and the only person who's ever misgendered me was a colleague who immediately apologised. I don't mind being called sir, to be fair. Half the people I work with are also completely covered in tattoos, partially shaved heads for the women, and facial piercings too, IT IS NOT AN ISSUE ANY MORE. She sets back the rights of any demographic she tries to represent by about a hundred years.

When I had my gall bladder out one of my nurses had an Alice in Wonderland sleeve with a shaved undercut and *gasp* purple hair. Didn't hear anyone say a word to her, not even the older gent in the room across who was a bit of a fool. It's just not an issue
at all.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I'm not normally a fan of benefit challenges and the like as they can be a way to try to prove it's doable and do have an air of poverty tourism about them (like a certain trip to Tanzania...) However the doctor is doing it from such a genuine place, recognises it's not the full story/experience and is doing so much to raise funds/promote excellent work that the vitriol he's been subject to is completely ridiculous and a twitter storm nonsense of the worst kind. He'll have raised more funds and provided more practical support than Jack has in the last few weeks, with none of the self promotion.

£10k due to the trussel trust in how many days??

That's why the front cover is 100% not going to be the front cover. It doesn't have her standing in some ridiculous pose with her name in a ridiculous font.

I actually like it the way it is. We don't need too see her mugshot. If she's famous enough people will know who she is.

 

[Smeghead]

Wonder how much more of the book our Smol Pixie had to finish by today to show the publisher. Could have been a case of get half done by today or it’s off. Now she will get the new deadline date - ie whole book finished in a month for a July publication date. Still time for more chaos and deadlines missed - and the tina biscuit index pushed further into the abyss. Telling everyone she’s pulled a few all-nighters again to make the deadline like a pro plus necking uni student, as professional as ever

 

[bowiethesdmn]

When I had my gall bladder out one of my nurses had an Alice in Wonderland sleeve with a shaved undercut and *gasp* purple hair. Didn't hear anyone say a word to her, not even the older gent in the room across who was a bit of a fool. It's just not an issue
at all.

That's exactly it! I've found if you're a pleasant person and can be professional no one cares what you look like, and some of the older sorts even compliment you!

 

[Hollaaa]

I support the theory that it's a purple rinse gone rogue.
Because that is the quickest way to get the smol pixie to order up some Manic Panic on 1 day delivery and start a selfie parade

 

[Smeghead]

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It’s ok, if your head gets kicked off a cliff you can make a raft using empty milk bottles, fluff, buttons and chickpeas. #jackshacks