Jack Monroe #260 Stop trying to make macro philanthropy happen, it’s not going to happen

[DisgruntledGoat]

I hate ADHD/Autism Jack the most.
I have both and struggled for 35 years before I was diagnosed properly.
Her making me sound like I basically need a carer fucks me right off.
Strategies and routines, Jack. That's how the rest of us cope.
INGRAINED strategies and routines.
You cuntasaurus.

She’s the actual worst and a huge factor in me not disclosing my ADHD to my new employer and not talking about it on Twitter amongst professional contacts. Don’t want them to think I’m like that. It’s embarrassing that we’re associated with people like her.

I’ve lost my purse and it’s been missing since New Year when we got back from seeing family. It isn’t lost lost, it’s somewhere in the flat or car, but I’ve no idea where. So I’ve just been paying everywhere using Apple Pay. I’m aware this is vaguely ridiculous but I have a thesis to finish and I simply don’t have the energy to turn the flat upside down looking right now.

Jack has had the newest iPhone on rotation for as long as I can recall. She clearly has her cards on there as she’s a compulsive online shopper. Password manager is an amazing tool and her nonsense about forgetting passwords is bollocks, I’m afraid. The performative lanyard is, as has already been mentioned, a munchie prop to bolster the grift. ND people don’t need your shit Jack. It’s hard enough to get through a day without you bleating on about some fake “hack” that makes us look like toddlers.

 

[Veronicaaa]

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You're a 33 year old woman with an almost teenage son, grow up babes x

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

 

[jenny2603]

I have a theory about the eggs. Imagine if you will a smol pixie scampering about the kitchen like a squirrel on a floric. She climbs on a stool for the cooker is very, very high for little Thumbelina, she heaves a vast pan onto the stove and sets about melting some lard with gas on full bung. While the lard is sizzling away in the pan she chucks in some eggos which due to the high heat begin to burn almost instantly, at this she whips the pan off the stove and serves her famous burnt bottom, raw top eggs to SB who gobbled it straight from the pan like a greedy goblin and said it was the best ever.

 

[colouredlines]

Jack's tin fetish is just weird because it doesn't reflect the way anybody actually cooks. Most people (including poors) use tins, but not exclusively. I think it's very rare for anyone to rely 100% on a food bank, and if someone is in that unfortunate position, and they're given a tin of spaghetti, they eat the spaghetti - they don't try to turn it into some maverick dish that may or may not work.

Tinned ingredients aren't a substitute for fresh, they can be used differently. A can of tomatoes is great for a simple pasta sauce, but disgusting for gazpacho (Jack does this ), which has to be raw.

Thing is, if you look at any of the budget cooking Facebook groups, there are so many people who can benefit from really simple advice. I was a bit shocked tbh, because I can cook well and know how to budget effectively, but there are many who don't have the foundations in place, and who really appreciate basic info and suggestions.

A parallel universe version of Jack could do very well making meal plans; explaining which products are better frozen, canned, dried, or fresh; showing how to use up leftovers; giving advice on stretching food eg the classic roast chicken that can become sandwiches, soup, etc; showing freezer rotation; and so on. There's a big audience out there.

If Jack were really willing to work - and if she had the skills, which she doesn't - then she should do this: start completely from scratch. Imagine you've just moved house and have nothing in the kitchen. Then do a 6- or 8-week meal plan, gradually building up a store cupboard, cooking for the freezer, using leftovers, etc. Cooking like this, you can't eat a different type of bean every day, because a) it'll take a long time to build up your bean supplies, and b) why would you want to, you weirdo?

I had some student cookbooks by Fiona Beckett when I was at university that were great. For example, there was one chapter called Everlasting Mince which showed how a basic meat sauce could be portioned up and used for bolognese, chilli, keema, cottage pie, etc. This sort of advice is so beneficial, and Parallel Universe Jack would be great at it.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I can't believe she hasn't even acknowledged the influx of Patrons. Quick enough to jump over and delete any eyebrow raising posts she made about missing rewards, trolls and police reports but can't post and say hello and thanks for the money? Nah, better to just continuously post the link to her PayPal on Twitter for more more more

 

[jenny2603]

Spoiler: Toilets abroad

When working in India there were such things in the office toilets. Thankfully, the office manager was aware this wasn't common in the UK so kitted out one of the ladies with toilet roll. Sadly one day I had to use the other one. Perhaps as a novice I wasn't using optimally, but I would say yes, you do need something to dry off with...
But it was certainly better than China. The train journeys will live with me for a long time.

I've spoilered, then wondered if needed given the content from our titular character.

ETA I loved both countries, but prefer Western facilities

I am not proud of this but there is nothing like different style of loo to locate and arouse my inner Mail reader. I am a tolerant open person with a genuine interest in other cultures but show me a minor difference in loos and I'm afraid I go full on Alf Garnett. In my defence as an essentially peaceful liberal character I would be fully sympathetic to anyone from overseas being similarly traumatised by UK loos.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

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Did her group of well meaning idiots forensic experts go on strike then?

 

[Nahhh]

Looking forward to gardening Jack in the near future.

All the comments are from gardeners saying this will immediately rot and that chipboard leeches dangerous chemicals into edible produce

 

[Vanelope]

It’s a ton of work - almost as if we had to have a team of people specialized in statistics and spreadsheets and stuff to do it.

 

[Froggies]

“The boy did good”

 

[Boyo]

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Yeah, I always look in smartprice bacon off-cut packs for my fix of finest artisanal butchery.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Cabal, I have done some research. FORENSIC research.
I have been online and looked at my nearest stores that deliver, SuperValu and Tesco.
(Lidl and Aldi don't count because you can't shop online like other places)
No Tinned potatoes.
I have polled the Irish public, a WhatsApp group of my cousins, they have never heard of or seen tinned potatoes.
Therefore tinned potatoes DO NOT exist in The Republic of Ireland.

 

[StringyMango]

She's liked this - a "grassroots homeless group" suggesting that their followers paypal her.

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FOR SHAME

 

[Cookiecookie]

Moaning and performative selfies.

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She's so fond of her fake sleeping poses. It's really weird, like when you're mucking about as a kid, and your mum comes in to tell you off, so you pretend to be asleep. Can't speak for anyone else with boobs, but I've never slept with mine pushed up to heaven like that either!

 

[colouredlines]

Cabal, I have done some research. FORENSIC research.
I have been online and looked at my nearest stores that deliver, SuperValu and Tesco.
(Lidl and Aldi don't count because you can't shop online like other places)
No Tinned potatoes.
I have polled the Irish public, a WhatsApp group of my cousins, they have never heard of or seen tinned potatoes.
Therefore tinned potatoes DO NOT exist in The Republic of Ireland.

Here they come in a glass jar which makes them look like they belong in a mad scientist's lab:

They are three times as expensive as raw!

 

[Five hundred dogs]

The Anchovy squig..
Why not tell her that info when she asked instead of coming up with the answer after the poor bastard had worked out herself and told you?
Wanker.

Because she didn’t have the answer, she pulled her answer out of her arse by loosely basing it on what the squig said. She can’t let anyone have any kind of knowledge or experience she doesn’t even if it means her telling a ridiculous lie (unless she perceives them as high status, like the blue tick lot), it’s one of the things I find most unpleasant about her and one of the things that trip her up all the time. I can honestly imagine SB running up to her as a little kid to show her his drawing of a cat, only to have her tell him she actually drew the cat months ago, and her drawing was so much better, and she did it despite being at deaths door and having to whittle the crayon herself out of a mixture of bean juice and lard because she was too poor to buy crayons.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Crunchy, inky newspaper in your pants sounds like a one way ticket to a UTI to me. Like so much Jack says this defies any logical analysis. Toilet paper is obviously a much better option then newspaper, and it’s one of the easiest things to get hold of without paying, just find a public loo and grab as much as you need while locked in the cubicle. No one would take a newspaper into a cubicle to use as a makeshift pad when there’s loo roll in there.

 

[Geetbo]

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I really hope squig’s daughter has her own research skills.

Sounds a right laugh in that squigs house.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

@Five hundred dogs thank you so much for your transcribing work, I’m just reading it now.

This quote,

I never asked for my life to be lived in public,

from Jack really stood out for me, and I’d love to know what others think.

The impression I get is that she’d been wanting to be well-known for a long time before she became “famous”. She had her blog and her regular newspaper column. I know these things aren’t the same as being in the public eye, so maybe I’m misunderstanding her intentions, but it seems like she’s always been trying to go viral one way or another.