Jack Monroe #236 You absolute whelksplat!

[FrumpyCat]

Re her cupboard under the non existent stairs - do I remember the back pack of tins of paint was to do up this space as a photographic studio?

I don't know why I find the Steve Buscemi crush so annoying. But I do.

Jack deflects from AA duck up with a who's your inappropriate crush thread. This means Sad Jack is waiting in the wings

Imagine going to someone’s home and their cushion tassels was made out of human hair, you wouldn’t be able to get out the house fast enough and be on the phone to the police that there’s a possibility they have a body in the freezer.

And you would be wondering what the duck their candles were made from.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

with only her urine for warmth

It’s all too much for me, this.

The urine part has me laughing so hard I’m almost sitting in mine

WAY too early unfortunately, because either or both the above together would make stellar thread titles!

In fact, could we not just adopt the second for EVERY new thread title from now on and just give them volume numbers (to be clear, I’m talking the too much part. Not increasing volumes of urine)

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 960990View attachment 960991View attachment 960992

<saves to special folder> this would presumably be a lever arch one?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Yawn. She’s been over this recently when she spoke about having an “unusual crush” on Robin Williams when she was a kid.

@ChocolateMuffin I think you’ve you’ve nailed it.

I think someone may be goading a certain corner of the Internet in to questioning her sexuality, along with the male housemate bread crumbs.

OMG I SAID I FANCIED A MAN AND I'M LIVING WITH A MAN AND THEY QUESTIONED MY SEXUALITY

I wouldn't, don't think it's something I feel comfortable with commenting on at all...but I definitely think this is where it's going.


ETA to apostrophise!

 

[blurstoftimes]

it’s so weird to me that she’s taken on the identity of her dad’s profession (becuase we can all agree that jack was NOT actually a firefighter whether or not old chief agreed with traaZers on a bird)…my dad was an artist but that does not change the fact that i have no artistic skill whatsoever. She is such a leech.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Imagine going to someone’s home and their cushion tassels was made out of human hair, you wouldn’t be able to get out the house fast enough and be on the phone to the police that there’s a possibility they have a body in the freezer.

And imagine if while trying to hurtle your way to/ out of the front door as fast as you could while they were out of the room, you accidentally opened the door to the cupboard under the stairs first, only to find it stuffed to bursting with bin bags filled with bubble wrap.

Then perhaps next ran into the kitchen in an increasingly panicked state to get out of the house, only to find rusty knives and pans of unidentifiable slop everywhere.

In fact, it’s sounding more and more like Clarice working her way through Buffalo Bill’s place- but at least Agent Starling had an inkling what she was getting herself into

ETA given the above, plus the crimes against oats et al, Jack Monroe, Cereal Killer

 

[HotesTilaire]

it’s so weird to me that she’s taken on the identity of her dad’s profession (becuase we can all agree that jack was NOT actually a firefighter whether or not old chief agreed with traaZers on a bird)…my dad was an artist but that does not change the fact that i have no artistic skill whatsoever. She is such a leech.

Interesting that SBs dad does photography

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Firefighter Jack is about to enter the building.

The alcoholism storyline only started after the awful Cameron family comments comments when Allegra’s PR team shipped her off to the priory so doubt it.

She revised history and claimed 100+ units that first or second Christmas, if this were the case it would have taken years to build that level of tolerance and there’s no way that it wouldn’t impact her pregnancy & foetus… none of it makes sense because none of it is true.

 

[Captainmouse]

It's because she was likely drinking and that's why she had no money. She knew what her family would say.

Plus smoking

 

[Mr Krabs]

Not in any way shape or form is it a bungalow.
It is a really big 3 bedroom 2 bathroom detached house with a huge garden.
Currently valued at £750k by Rightmove.

Eta and Zoopla's guesstimate is £733k-£810k

As someone who RENTS I’m often curious about how much she pays. That place is insane for one person, or even one person plus a child. Looking at local ads, a smaller detached place, that’s not as nice as Jack’s ‘crappy bungalow’ is going for £1,400 a month in that area.

While I sympathise with the struggles of saving a deposit while renting, it is beyond stupid to rent basically the most expensive place you can find to try and maintain your lifestyle. She could rent somewhere for half that price.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Interesting that SBs dad does photography

and wasn’t her brother in the navy or something ? then she claims to be ‘military around the edges’ whatever the duck that means

 

[HotesTilaire]

and wasn’t her brother in the navy or something ? then she claims to be ‘military around the edges’ whatever the duck that means

RAF I believe. She applied and was rejected, it was said in the KH court case. Papa was in the British army. I’m not aware he ever did his Cyprus army, probably why they didn’t holiday there until it went EU

 

[Prognosis Negative]

Re her cupboard under the non existent stairs - do I remember the back pack of tins of paint was to do up this space as a photographic studio?

I don't know why I find the Steve Buscemi crush so annoying. But I do.

I believe that was the case, she did later treat us to a view of said space under the stairs complete with massive bleeping window

 

[Saint_clemmie]

I have always presumed that the article about SB’s Dad came out because she was feeling the pressure of her lies. She got “famous” being the single poor mum, there’s no way she would have got where she did if she had been upfront and open about having co-parent support. Everyone assumed from what she said and failed to say, that he was a deadbeat Dad, it’s clear now that he’s nothing like that. It must have been awful for him and his family. We did see a comment on Mumsnet defending him against unkind comments. (Also saying that Jack hid her pregnancy from him). I think he just had enough or perhaps someone was going to expose Jack as a liar.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

It's because she was likely drinking and that's why she had no money. She knew what her family would say.

I think what happened was that it was SB dad's turn to have SB for Xmas that year. A lot of my friends have blended families and it's the norm for the children with different dad's to alternate xmas and New Year stays between mum and dad.
Jack was probably supposed to go to her family and either didn't because she fell out with them or wanted to spite them but didn't expect to be genuinely left out. It might even have been the year she supposedly decked her brother. If she really did that then I can see her being expelled from family celebrations. I do think she is the type to get violent and mouthy while drunk. She is also ego centric so would have been thinking "how dare they do this to ME?". That article would have written out of pure spite until SB dad and his family challenged her over it.
And Jack, if you don't like me speculating then don't wash your filthy Laundry in public.

 

[Sausage Surprise !]

I mean, it really is some serious serial killer tit.

Silence of the Lambs vibes

 

[ChickenPorridge]

In true Jack style, fancying Steve Buscemi was trendy on the interwebs a few years back

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Sorry to de rail but Jack continually portraying alcoholic women as the absolute minority very worst horror stories you hear bothers me so much. Yes some women cannot help but prioritise addiction over children, partners, jobs but for the majority of young women that’s not their story (yet). There are plenty of gorgeous gorgeous funny successful and smart girls in recovery and none of us apply makeup so like it’s pebble dash.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Sitting in her own urine - great way to stereotype the real poor people eh Jack?

She is a long time smoker, there are pics albeit very few of them, her hands look nicotine stained and she recently mentioned smoking addiction. It's an expensive habit along with premium brands of alcohol and Cotswold furniture. Jack doesn't know the value of money, she pisses it up the wall as soon as she gets it.