Jack Monroe #236 You absolute whelksplat!

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Title by @FlirtyThirty Nominated by @Boyo

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I don't understand why she's chosen that profile pic. It's objectively one of the worst photos of her ever.
 
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I don’t understand why everything needs cooking multiple times - surely you’d just have a bitty dinner some of each? Or bulk out whatever’s left with some veg or rice/pasta/bread?! Why does everything have to be slop ffs
I always just eat leftovers for lunch the next day, but I’m not a maverick.
 
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Morning everyone, welcome to Saturday kitchen, today we have some real chef's making some classic dishes using seasonal veg.. and after the break we have another cook showing us what can be done with the peelings and grease that's left over. Curious too see how that turns out, over to you THAT MAN with his dish.
 
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So let me get this right. Per her new book, Jack’s been “faithfully hoarding bubble wrap for years” and “keeping it under the stairs” (in bin bags)? All the while keeping (he’s DEAD) Grandad’s battered sentimental pans and her sole copies of recipes-all of which are irreplaceable- in the garage?

So Jack’s house is full of bin bags of totally replaceable irrelevant shite, and their garage is (or was until burglary) full of boxes of…totally irreplaceable irrelevant shite?!

FML What a fucking plum.

ETA also thinking of it, how is there an “under the stairs”? I thought chateau Monroe was a bungalow?
 

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The squigs definitely seem to be turning, don't they? Will 2022 be the year they finally bite back?
 
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So let me get this right. Per her new book, Jack’s been “faithfully hoarding bubble wrap for years” and “keeping it under the stairs” (in bin bags)? All the while keeping (he’s DEAD) Grandad’s battered sentimental pans and her sole copies of recipes-all of which are irreplaceable- in the garage?

So Jack’s house is full of bin bags of totally replaceable irrelevant shite, and their garage is (or was until burglary) full of boxes of…totally irreplaceable irrelevant shite?!

FML What a fucking plum.

ETA also thinking of it, how is there an “under the stairs”? I thought chateau Monroe was a bungalow?
Given the amount of luxe crap Jack buys there must be a lot of bubble wrap under them there stairs. Shame there's no-one with fire Knowledge in her whole family. They'd advise against combustible collections stored next to utilities.

Has Jack carted the bubble wrap through multiple moves? Why didn't LJC bin that when she did the Brexit haul of tins.

🥕 tried to change brexit haul of tins into ... brexit haul of [the] runs. 🤣🤣🤣
 
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I might be alone in this but I found 15 year old Jack's quote in that conjoined twins article quite endearing in its simplicity: "We're putting ourselves in the shoes of conjoined twins."

If the article had been written now, almost 20 years later, her comments would have been 4-5 pages of hyperbolic purple prose in which she manages to centre herself in the unique challenges faced by conjoined twins every step of the way.

Also, the post where she shared the intro to the supposed new book can be found here:


Imagine seeing the book in the shop knowing nothing of the author, opening it expecting useful household tips, and being greeted with 1000 words of "Waaaaaaaaaaaah people are mean to me online."
 
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I might be alone in this but I found 15 year old Jack's quote in that conjoined twins article quite endearing in its simplicity: "We're putting ourselves in the shoes of conjoined twins."

If the article had been written now, almost 20 years later, her comments would have been 4-5 pages of hyperbolic purple prose in which she manages to centre herself in the unique challenges faced by conjoined twins every step of the way.

Also, the post where she shared the intro to the supposed new book can be found here:


Imagine seeing the book in the shop knowing nothing of the author, opening it expecting useful household tips, and being greeted with 1000 words of "Waaaaaaaaaaaah people are mean to me online."
This is weird because this excerpt says it’s page 22 of the book but the drain hair tips are apparently also on page 22 (of 220!!!) 🤔 … almost like she’s absolutely bullshitting her publisher to make it look like she’s done more than she has.
 
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