Jack Monroe #21 If you cut me do I not bleed mayonnaise? #jacklivesmatter

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I've heard of a few but not many. In other news, i've just pulled out 23 pans 4 of them varying sizes of frying pan, that I don't need, from the pan cupboard. Plus a really big spider and a copy of my birth certificate ... I've kept 4 pans, that I like, plus a big and a small wok, a pizza tray and a paella pan , a cast iron griddle [an, cast iron casserole and a lasagne dish- oh and a bamboo steamer for dim sum and a metal steamer set i'd forgotten I bought when my electric steamer gave up - am I posh?
 
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So she thinks ever negative comment is from our dark cabal and she knows exactly who we are.

someone has mentioned Tattle by name as well
I'd be really surprised if she could work out who I am given that my usernames and passwords on here, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are completely different, and I've never once interacted with her nor anyone making comments on her on the latter three platforms - I wouldn't add to her interaction figures, dire as they are.

And, as former police staff, I am well aware that she can't get hold of my data, particularly given that she can't even work her mobile phone properly. I am also still in touch with a very senior former officer who has the contacts to get her into very deep shit should I find out that she's even tried. [ETA to tell me exactly who to report her to in order to get her into the deepest shit possible]
 
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She just bought a new frudge, mine makes ice cubes on tap (so to speak)

I'm gutted I missed it and I'm sorry to ask but...where did Haus Frau come from?
that seems to be from Jack, think it's supposd to be an insult like Stacey Solomon's 'Sharon'
 
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This is the worst circle a girl could have isn't it... you've got snakey mate who clearly wants to ruin her life & then fat cat solicitor who's probably sat in his parent's Durham estate, chain smoking and eating Cornettos for breakfast, scrolling through these threads on his iPad pro billing her by the fucking hour. Who needs enemies eh!

And you've got me here waiting to become her Kris Jenner like a fool, my phone remains unrung, devastated tbh x

https://giphy.com/26tnhnKRqCevFAv1S
 
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I'm gutted I missed it and I'm sorry to ask but...where did Haus Frau come from?
She called us "sad little housefraus" in a long since deleted tweet.

Ironic that she thinks that only women dislike her enough to comment here. A bit misogynistic and gender judgemental if you ask me.....I for one am an honorary "frau"
 
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how many recipes can she come up with for mayonnaise? So far I have potato salad, tuna mayo and these brownies - have these on me Jack

 
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Hi fellow bullies, I’m catching up as usual (always catching up!) I see she’s removed the comments on the recent Instagram post. How did some of you contact Hellman’s to ask about the blackout?
 
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Who has Ocado slots at the moment? I haven't since March, despite supposedly being on The List, as they seem to think I'm not. Sainsbury's managed to email with an invitation to shop and I can occasionally get one from them, I don't bother with Iceland as I'm more of a fresh produce person despite their emailing and I think the others are crap for service. But Ocado? No chance unless they have a separate list for blue ticks . just to be able to login and order proper food instead of sending Mr Dragon out to do it when he doesn't particularly want to bring anything infectious back/is rather busy doing twelve hours shifts anyhow would be something I'd celebrate, not fucking bitch about fucking ice cubes.


My GP would be very pissed off with me at the moment. Due to the aforementioned 12 hour shift and, thanks to the previous day's one, he'd forgotten to get enough cat food. So, for the first time since this plague shit started, not only did I put on proper clothes, I put on shoes and walked to the Co-op round the corner. I did 1,000 steps in one go, compared to the usual 50-odd or fewer spaced out through the day.

OK, in addition to cat food, I also came back with some fresh salmon, a packet of mussels in white wine, some more spring onions, museli, coconut milk, nectarines, chicken nuggets, lemon sole strips, baby plum tomatoes, two avocadoes, a gardening magazine with seeds on the cover and 20 fags, but I left the house.

Flaming knackered now, though. Being ill with *something chest related* has meant I have zero fitness left, but at least my heart wasn't pounding like it was the last time I tried to make it to work and had to sit down and phone in sick back in March. Oh, and I've decided shoes are an unnatural abomination, as my stupid expensive trainers felt horrible covering up my toes and they rubbed horribly.



Anyhow - seems like in my bravery nicotine addiction and fear of being eaten by the cats if I make them wait until tonight has meant I've missed a bit - did somebody ask if it was true that Hellman's had threatened her job?
 
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I genuinely believe there’s no attempt to trace us, there’s no Lawyer and I’ll even hedge my bets that there’s no friend. She reads here, she is fuming that we’ve sussed her out and she’s just chucking ridiculous statements about. I’m not on twitter but do any other blue tickers behave like this? Or do they have people around them who advise them on SM interaction, how to do deal with negativity (warranted or otherwise) etc

If she posts something about a ‘troll’ getting the Police on her then we’ll definitely know she reads here
 
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Sali Hughes behaves similarly.
 
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Unfortunately I think it's been based on customer life time value/tenure which is pretty bleak to think about, however they are working with the gov't scheme to get vulnerable customers added to the list, too, but working in eCommerce I imagine those are the measures we'd use to prioritise customers if a similar constraint fell upon us...

I'm allowed a slot every 7 days and can book up to 18 days in advance, I currently have 3 logged with them and I check in every few days to add another if anyone is a regular customer and trying/struggling keep clicking the calendar. They will email you if you're eligible, they emailed us when they went from every 10 days to every 7 days for example. We haven't had to prove our worthiness (although I would be eligible) - but we've been at least weekly customers for 5 years with the 'full' £9.99 a month smart pass, pre-lockdown were averaging a £60-70 week spend with them and during lockdown about £130 so it makes good business sense for them to keep giving us more slots I suppose. I know that sounds ghastly and very JM of me (I'm certainly not buying ice!!) but Ocado are genuinely our only lifeline to the outside world at the moment as I'm shielding with a high risk pregnancy and other health issues, so that weekly shop is *all* we can feasibly get in the house without having to use deliveroo to supplement it from local corner shops at a huge cost...
 
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Hi fellow bullies, I’m catching up as usual (always catching up!) I see she’s removed the comments on the recent Instagram post. How did some of you contact Hellman’s to ask about the blackout?
I was contacted via instagram asking if I wanted to contribute to the show and messaged them this morning about blackout - they knew nothing and neither did jack they're using hellmanslarderlockdown but just for messages
 
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I just came across this on twitter so incase anyone maybe interested in donating but finances won't allow, here is a way you can donate without money, and if you aren't able to watch the video, just leave it playing in the background on a different tab on your computer or even TV, mine is playing on the TV and I'm outside finishing my gardening , just don't mute the video on YouTube, mute the device you are playing it from instead and just leave the video playing, that way it will be able to stream revenue and adsense....
 
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Yeah they emailed me a chance to book back in the depths of lockdown as we had a pass.... WELL. I cancelled straight away (and I've had it since 2014) as they seemed to have increased prices across all lines. Was so so expensive. Don't know if it was just what we were buying or what, but I couldnt afford it anymore!
 
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100%. Of course there is no attempt to trace us as that would be illegal. I believe she *may* have asked a lawyer/lawyerish friend to look here around DKL time and they correctly advised her it is all above board and a waste of her/their time to do anything. Also if there was an ongoing *case* (which there isn't) she would've been advised not to keep blathering on about it on SM.
I hate to keep bringing it back to Sali Hughes but this is exactly the timeline it went with her. Exactly. At the beginning the 'I've got folders of evidence for my lawyer and the police'. The mutterings of 'Oh yes I know where they all live - they think they are clever but they are all so stupid'. From then on the vague mention of lawyers every so often to insinuate the case was ongoing.
Also the arrogant paranoia that any criticism could be linked back to here. How could anybody else possibly have a problem with her? I suppose that is a form of self preservation. After the This Morning catastrophe how much more comforting to blame Tattle then face up to the fact most commenters on the TM twitter have never heard of here. I'm sure Eamonn's silence and poker face has nothing to do with here - unless he is a secret Tattler.
I presume this new outburst in response to her making BoT all about her. Classic deflection.
 
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I also love how au fait she is with Tattle’s monetisation yet utterly oblivious to her “for free” site’s monetisation, or that pesky YouTube monetisation she’s wholly new to. Which is it
 
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