Jack Monroe #208 Noooo it’s Jack Monroe

[Silver Linings]

Thread title by @Traazers

Jack has immersed herself into Instagram like a slop based Ready Player One. It’s been a wild ride (but not at a theme park).

Recaps pls if this fever dream of a weekend can be popped into a slow cooker and left on high to see if anyone can work out what the heck is going on.

Spoiler: Housekeeping

Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a suggestion as it’s easier to search. Also, please hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.

There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.

New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki (pink button).

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

I know that eating is a sensorial experience as well a fuelling one but...those apples will have no nutritional value whatsoever now will they? Oh gee.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Why does she as a cook or whatever she’s calling herself these days have so much contempt towards solid foods?

 

[kachoochoo]

throwing the gauntlet (that actually autocorrected to gailymail there!) down here. if jack ever posts a recipe that's on the Coming Soons list, I volunteer as tribute

it's only fair

(ts+cs apply) not anything with too many vegetables for one, don't like em

 

[HotesTilaire]

In our last thread....
We were still highly amused that Jack was an answer on Pointless...and the contestant got her name wrong
Jack is BACK proving she is allowed on the internets whenever she likes, which is ALL DAY on Sunday
Jack fired up the 1978, 1968 and 1878 truthers by using insta like it was twitter, the boomer
Jack is definitely a momma and took her child for a walk in the woods where he carried a wheelie shopping trolley over the tree roots and mud and stones as well as taking candid shots of her dressed in “ravaged in nylon” style.
The Cabal did a trainer based chaos. Badges were awarded, we gained a cadet detective and an undercover agent.
Jack bought bedding which I’m guessing would be described as “terrible” and consolidated it’s awfulness by putting it on the bed straight from the packet, and promptly had a “fever”on it. Cooper was deployed.
Jack did have some exciting news for her publisher but given she’s been feeling bluesy and is now sick...you know the drill
Jack is addressing her coming soons, Kachoochoo faces redundancy?
Jack made burnt apple porridge in the slow cooker, as did I. As did I. Terrible.

 

[Traazers]

Why thanks, although I feel the "#pointless" at the end was what really added the pazazz

I wonder how many instagram posts we'll get this thread... I am happy to keep count and shall update next thread

 

[Lanie]

What i wanna know is why is a poverty company she is "known" by isnt promoting her stuff.

 

[Emmapism]

I do feel for anyone following that list of instructions from Jack and then feeling disheartened when it doesn't work out and tastes like garbage sauce.

They would probably assume they had messed it up and it was their fault. Not that the person leaving the instructions has spent most of their life Billy bullshitting and knows next to nothing about food.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I do feel for anyone following that list of instructions from Jack and then feeling disheartened when it doesn't work out and tastes like garbage sauce.

They would probably assume they had messed it up and it was their fault. Not that the person leaving the instructions has spent most of their life Billy bullshitting and knows next to nothing about food.

And the recipe was for the peach curry, so Louisa could have been handed a copy of the book or given a link to the recipe on the website

 

[Flash123]

I know it is disgustingly early but here’s my nomination for thread title: PAY YOUR TAXES JACK MONROE AND STOP GRIFTING

for some reason as this goes on and on she irritates me more. I could care less about the slop- we all have our guilty food pleasures. But the people who are having their universal credit cut actually work real jobs and have real worries. No Jack, working part time in a bar when you are young and childless and carefree is not being poor. Having a 27k call handler job is not being poor. Jacking the job in and not phoning your parents is not being poor. Buying thousands and thousands of pounds of fancy sideboards and trainers and make up etc while you ‘allegedly’ feed small boy wilting salad sandwiches is not being poor (that’s being a bleep)
Being poor is people who don’t have the choice to do all these things and don’t have the public profile pretending a few squares on Instagram is activism.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Good luck.

 

[Toffee finger]

She’s been relatively quiet for so long these last few days have been very strange

@HotesTilaire please leave the details of your Patreon so I can add to your new slow cooker fund now yours is tainted with oaty sadness

 

[BlendedSlop]

And the recipe was for the peach curry, so Louisa could have been handed a copy of the book or given a link to the recipe on the website

Jack clearly felt she was so useless that the standard recipe would have been too difficult for her to follow, hence all the ridiculous "the teaspoon is the smallest one, third from the right, second drawer down" and "count to 120 while stirring, DON'T MOVE OR THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS EXTREMELY DELICATE AND PRECISE PROCESS" guff.

I don't want to get too much into psychoanalysis but it comes across to me that Jack, feeling insecure in LJC's shadow (successful, self-motivated, executive level role in her chosen field) liked using her "superiority" in the kitchen (which, lol) as a way to exert power over her. "See, she's completely hopeless without me, the literal food expert, look how I have to hold her hand and give her detailed instructions for the most simple of recipes."

The above isn't as articulated as well as I'd like but I'm still feeling a bit queasy from looking upon #HotesOats and am also half asleep

 

[Lanie]

This isn't important but Jack's exciting news comment was to her publisher Carole Tonkinson. Her agent is Rosemary Scoular.

Potato... PoTAto.

 

[kachoochoo]

Jack is addressing her coming soons, Kachoochoo faces redundancy?

I'm gonna need a settlement

 

[Lanie]

I'm gonna need a settlement

Best i can do is some week old peach curry and a tin opener.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Jack clearly felt she was so useless that the standard recipe would have been too difficult for her to follow, hence all the ridiculous "the teaspoon is the smallest one, third from the right, second drawer down" and "count to 120 while stirring, DON'T MOVE OR THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS EXTREMELY DELICATE AND PRECISE PROCESS" guff.

I don't want to get too much into psychoanalysis but it comes across to me that Jack, feeling insecure in LJC's shadow (successful, self-motivated, executive level role in her chosen field) liked using her "superiority" in the kitchen (which, lol) as a way to exert power over her. "See, she's completely hopeless without me, the literal food expert, look how I have to hold her hand and give her detailed instructions for the most simple of recipes."

The above isn't as articulated as well as I'd like but I'm still feeling a bit queasy from looking upon #HotesOats and am also half asleep

Something tells me it was written mainly for Twitter. Like she knew Louisa would post it (prob told her to) and it'd be seen by lots of people and make her feel very, very important. Also the amount of time she must've spent on this pointless piece of 'work' is astounding

 

[kachoochoo]

Best i can do is some week old peach curry and a tin opener.

 

[Ispyabudgetbeanblogger]

View attachment 774709

Good luck.

Welcome, dear Squiggle. Just put Henry hoover in the search bar and you'll find Jack's scathing take down of DW.

(How very Jack of me to use this platform to communicate with someone on another platform. I've entered the jackiverse.)

 

[HotesTilaire]

Best i can do is some week old peach curry and a tin opener.

Can I borrow the tin opener? I need to get into my slow cooker