Jack Monroe #206 I wouldn’t trust her with a spam fritter

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We are in a dark, dank and gloomy space. There is a tiny shaft of light penetrating the darkness. The floor is covered in what appears to be sponge squares that even in the dim light could be seen to be of various muted colours. In the corner you can just make out a cage, small and cramped, barely visible in the darkness. Inside is a heap of discarded vegetable peelings and a single piece of lettuce. It is hard to discern what the lump of grey fur is, but it has long ears, so presumably a rabbit. The animal munches on the inappropriate food, as it looks up towards the camera with an expression of despondency.

Well, now I have darkened the mood and we are all depressed as hell, can someone make me laugh?


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We are in some sort of church hall and our protagonist is stood, on tiptoes at a lectern.
She appears to have been in the pantomime costume box and has slipped the Fairy Godmother Tutu over the Dick Whittington outfit, while keeping her own runners on.
She grins, like someone at their first Creamfields event in 1999.
We cannot see if there is an audience.


Well-known member
Yeah, nobody's got time for those captions. Especially when the photograph isn't at all engaging.
I don’t follow many people on Instagram, just family, our Smol pixie and a lovely gardening lady Gracealexandaflowers. Her photos are beautiful and she captions and writes well. I was drawn by the photos, which unlike Jacks make you want to arrange flowers and not make slop.
She’s also just produced a book which she is actually sending out to people who have ordered it. Lessons there for Jack, but, then Jack is a literal expert.


VIP Member
Can someone do one on the grim kitchen picture please? The one with the ripped up floor and all those bizarre disgusting rags hanging over the door?
A fire hazard training image from a former firefighter in her own mind shows rolls of paper piled dangerously high on top of wooden cabinets, the floor is littered with trip hazards including a rug made from shreds of DEAD people's clothes, pulled up floor tiles and a layer of dirt, furniture has been pulled into the centre of an already crowded room with units to each side and a curtain is pushed aside from a frosted opaque door making for a difficult egress in an emergency.

That's as far as I can get from memory, is there a character limit on Insta? I'm starting to think there should be.


Chatty Member
So our visually-impaired cabal members can enjoy the sweatshirt meme:

A woman wearing Hunter S. Thompson-style orange-lensed sunglasses stands hunched over with finger guns pointing at a slogan on the front of a poorly-fitting cheap-looking navy blue child's size sweatshirt which reads 'NEVER GIVE UP'. For no discernible reason, there are stock lens flares at the end of both index fingers. She is pouting like a thirteen-year-old girl in her latest Bebo selfie in an attempt to give herself defined cheekbones. No sense of shame is visible. A plant with large green leaves is partially blurred in the foreground.
'No sense of shame is visible' for thread title


VIP Member
Jack Monroe reclines atop a sideboard, fixing the viewer with an unsettling dead-eyed stare. Her costume consists of a grey sports bra paired with some large briefs. Mesh inserts in the top at the sides appear as large sweat patches upon an initial glance. Her head is shaved, save for a grey braid which wraps around her head. The overall vibe is one that threatens.

"Something's simmering" the caption promises ominously.


VIP Member
Ive been reflecting on the episode i watched of come dine with me yesterday, definately think he was inspired by her. His food was inedible, he had egg dipped on soy sauce plonked in dishwater soup he identified as Ramen and he used food colouring to disguise his attempt at sweet rice balls which he inexplicably fucked up. The guests looked horrified throughout.
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