Ken Loach meets Mary Poppins, the #collab we never knew we needed.
Jack Monroe #198 Marcus! Marcus! Marcus!
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I would honestly love this to happen, imagine the dancing pistachios lined up in front of the Smeg fridge prop
With her love of tins and Americanisms, surely we'd see a "can can"
If the nefarious cable are featured I want them to be hammed up to the max, the actors dramatically swirling in swooshy black capes maleficent style, we can do some evil
...of course we would have to sit through the opening half hour monologue about The Poverty™️
One of the musical numbers would surely be set to a mob of evil bailiffs hammering down the door of the crappy bungalow with a battering ram as our heroine howls and claws the stage.
The chorus will be made up of anthropomorphic brambly mice, the slop-sniffing postman, and random old duffers periodically belting out "WE DON'T CARE WHO YOU NEED TO FEED; WHITE TRASH SHOULDN'T BREED!"
The Act 1 finale would be a rousing, triumphant number as Allegra descends on a wire to scoop up our plucky urchin from the gutter of despair, rivalling Wicked's "Defying Gravity" in the emotional stakes.
Usherettes will sell rinsed bean ice cream and sideboard thot shot t-shirts in the interval.
The chorus will be made up of anthropomorphic brambly mice, the slop-sniffing postman, and random old duffers periodically belting out "WE DON'T CARE WHO YOU NEED TO FEED; WHITE TRASH SHOULDN'T BREED!"
The Act 1 finale would be a rousing, triumphant number as Allegra descends on a wire to scoop up our plucky urchin from the gutter of despair, rivalling Wicked's "Defying Gravity" in the emotional stakes.
Usherettes will sell rinsed bean ice cream and sideboard thot shot t-shirts in the interval.
Shortly before asking if she can take her leave because she needs a piss and a sandwich.
With a variety of Cabal recommended ice lollies available during the interval
At the end of the day there’s a kidney bean burger,
Can’t batch cook if you commit suicide.
It’s a struggle, shed some tears,
Cos there’s no support from Rishi.
Patreon subscribers are down,
You may actually have to start working.
Or rent somewhere cheaper than Thorpe Baa-aaay
At the end of the day.
We're all jesting about the colourful, musical spectatcular; Potatoes could be, yet, I think we all know in our mendacious hearts the show will be going more like this....
Provisional cast thoughts:
Jack - Ruby Rose (Obv)
Katie Hopkins - Laurence Fox (Bit like Edna Turnblad in Hairspray but the fascist version)
Annunziata Rees-Mogg - Rylan (he's in every other bleeping thing.)
Jack - Ruby Rose (Obv)
Katie Hopkins - Laurence Fox (Bit like Edna Turnblad in Hairspray but the fascist version)
Annunziata Rees-Mogg - Rylan (he's in every other bleeping thing.)
A Notice To Patrons
Tonight the role of Jack Monroe will be played by understudy Ruby Rose, as Mx Monroe is unwell
Tonight the role of Jack Monroe will be played by understudy Ruby Rose, as Mx Monroe is unwell
bleeping Laurence Fox
I'd actually pay good money to see him cast in that role, I'm picturing Rupert Everett as Mrs Fritton in St Trinians, but with none of the charm
That Belle Gibson documentary must have given her a fright. It was shocking, but they are cut from the same cloth. Maybe she has stopped before she is completely exposed no a wider number of people.
This little cook is a curious chef
The little cook doesnt care for texture
But she will do as she she will do
And theres nobody who can do anything about it. ( To the rumtumtugger music)
The little cook doesnt care for texture
But she will do as she she will do
And theres nobody who can do anything about it. ( To the rumtumtugger music)
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Kumquat plays the Katie Hopkins Trial hair!
Campaign to have @SweetTransvestite do a tune
I’m just a Sad Haus Frau Ninny, from transsexual Transylvania
Oh how I have HOOTED and indeed fizzed at this!
On another note, LJC looks to be having a whale of a time this summer. Looks positively glowing if you ask me. Just imagined Jack singing good 4 u by Olivia Rodrigo.
Oooooooo musical time. I love a singalong to a musical. Can it please include this little ditty. It is slightly influenced by La Cage aux Folles and the lovely Gloria Gaynor.
The curtain rises, the stage is in darkness, a single spotlight bursts onto the stage where Ruby Rose appears wearing a badly fitting Viv (RIP) gown. She is sat atop a Cotswold sideboard rummaging through a pile of cheap wigs. She turns her face to the audience and after a 20 minutes monologue about her poverty and how she is facing her fears, she bursts into a quivering voiced rendition of her signature tune whilst jabbing her finger on a keyboard precariously balanced beside her...
I am what I am
I want lots of praise, I want lots of pity
I'm a single mum
Some think I'm tit, I think I'm gritty
And so what if I love myself and my life's a scandal
I'll carry on grifting I'm exploiting every angle
My food's not worth a dam, though I shout out
I'll open this can
I am what I am
And what I am needs loads of excuses
I've got a brass neck
I alter my face, I paint on some bruises
It's my life so I'll show the cabal my grey gusset
My life and if I want to, I'll discuss it
My food's not worth a damn, so the cabal all shout out
"Jack's life is a sham"
The curtain rises, the stage is in darkness, a single spotlight bursts onto the stage where Ruby Rose appears wearing a badly fitting Viv (RIP) gown. She is sat atop a Cotswold sideboard rummaging through a pile of cheap wigs. She turns her face to the audience and after a 20 minutes monologue about her poverty and how she is facing her fears, she bursts into a quivering voiced rendition of her signature tune whilst jabbing her finger on a keyboard precariously balanced beside her...
I am what I am
I want lots of praise, I want lots of pity
I'm a single mum
Some think I'm tit, I think I'm gritty
And so what if I love myself and my life's a scandal
I'll carry on grifting I'm exploiting every angle
My food's not worth a dam, though I shout out
I'll open this can
I am what I am
And what I am needs loads of excuses
I've got a brass neck
I alter my face, I paint on some bruises
It's my life so I'll show the cabal my grey gusset
My life and if I want to, I'll discuss it
My food's not worth a damn, so the cabal all shout out
"Jack's life is a sham"
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Oh, good Lord.
Mr D must have been bored whilst I was at the Physioterrorist yesterday afternoon. Because I was so tired afterwards, I didn't really pay much attention and thought he'd just shaved his head again, going to bed as soon as was decently possible and being sound asleep by whatever time he came to bed.
He hasn't. He's bleached itusing my sodding last pack of peroxide that I was intending upon using for babylights once the weather was a bit cooler. Don't get me wrong, it suits him, especially since the ageing Goth has inadvertently acquired a bit of a tan. The following (especially as you can't see the top of the head) might explain it where words fail me.
Rutger Hauer was the number #2 to the Arnie #1 in my teenaged 'Oh, I really like muscles' teenaged awakening.
It's certainly better than having a bleached grey rat tail, reversed or otherwise, though.
Mr D must have been bored whilst I was at the Physioterrorist yesterday afternoon. Because I was so tired afterwards, I didn't really pay much attention and thought he'd just shaved his head again, going to bed as soon as was decently possible and being sound asleep by whatever time he came to bed.
He hasn't. He's bleached it
Rutger Hauer was the number #2 to the Arnie #1 in my teenaged 'Oh, I really like muscles' teenaged awakening.
It's certainly better than having a bleached grey rat tail, reversed or otherwise, though.
Agree completely. I think the silence is cos she’s probably had to move back in with parents so doesn’t have #content to share that doesn’t raise questions. This is also the only reason I could imagine her justifying renting that aparthotel for 3-5 weeks. She earns a lot for very little but she’s always had a massive spending problem.
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